Chapter 10 Clash of Desire and Hate
Janelle
I clutched the rolled documents against my chest as I walked down the marble corridor toward the royal wing. Three days had passed since our confrontation in the garden, and I had managed to avoid Adrian completely. But today, Mrs. Crawford had specifically assigned me to deliver these papers to his chambers.
"Prince Adrian requested these documents urgently," she had said, her sharp eyes watching my reaction. "See that they reach him personally."
My hands trembled slightly as I approached his door. The heavy oak was carved with the royal crest, a wolf's head surrounded by thorns. How fitting. I knocked twice, the sound echoing in the empty hallway.
"Enter."
His voice sent shivers down my spine. I pushed open the door and stepped inside, keeping my eyes fixed on the floor.
Adrian's chambers were larger than most people's entire homes. Rich tapestries covered the walls, and expensive furniture filled the space. He stood behind his desk, still wearing his training clothes. His white shirt was damp with sweat, clinging to his chest, and his dark hair was tousled.
"The documents you requested, Your Highness," I said formally, placing the papers on his desk without looking at him.
I turned to leave immediately, not wanting to spend another second in his presence. The mate bond was already pulling at me, making my skin feel too tight.
But as I reached for the door handle, his voice stopped me.
"Wait."
I froze, my hand halfway to the door. "Your Highness?"
"Look at me."
The command in his voice made my body respond before my mind could protest. I turned around slowly, finally meeting his gaze.
His green eyes were dark with some emotion I couldn't read. He stood perfectly still behind his desk, but I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands clenched at his sides.
"You've been avoiding me," he said.
"I've been working, Your Highness."
"Don't lie to me." Adrian stepped around his desk, moving closer. "I know you've changed your duties to avoid the areas where I might be."
My cheeks burned. Of course he had noticed. "I thought that's what you wanted."
"What I want..." He stopped a few feet away from me, close enough that I could smell his scent – pine and leather and something uniquely him that made the mate bond sing with desperate need. "What I want doesn't matter."
"Then why did you ask me to wait?" I demanded, finding my voice. "Why not just let me leave?"
Something flickered in his eyes, pain, maybe, or regret. But it was gone so quickly I might have imagined it.
"Stay away from the east wing," he said suddenly. "And avoid the servants' dining hall during evening meals."
I stared at him in confusion. "What? Why?"
"Just do it." His voice was sharp now, commanding. "Don't ask questions. Just stay away."
"I don't understand.."
"You don't need to understand!" Adrian's composure cracked slightly. "Just trust me for once and do as I say."
The mate bond twisted in my chest, responding to his distress. But anger was stronger than the bond right now.
"Trust you?" I laughed bitterly. "You've given me no reason to trust you. You reject me, humiliate me, save me, dismiss me, I never know which version of you I'm going to get."
"You don't understand the situation."
"Then explain it to me!"
"I can't."
"You can't or you won't?"
Adrian's jaw tightened. "It doesn't matter. Just stay away from those areas."
I shook my head, anger and hurt battling in my chest. "No."
"What?"
"I said no." I straightened my shoulders, meeting his stare directly. "I won't follow your cryptic orders anymore. If you want me to avoid certain areas, tell me why."
"Janelle.."
"You rejected me in front of everyone," I interrupted, all my control finally snapping. "You called me unworthy. You made sure the entire court knew that I was nothing to you."
"Stop," Adrian said, but his voice was strained.
"Why should I?" I stepped closer, fueled by months of pain and frustration. "It's the truth, isn't it? I'm just a servant. A maid who dared to think she could be something more."
"You know that's not.."
"I know nothing!" I shouted. "You tell me nothing! You save me from bear traps but won't tell me why. You defend me at feasts then dismiss me like garbage. What am I supposed to think?"
Adrian's eyes flashed dangerously. In two quick strides, he closed the distance between us, backing me against the door. His hands slammed against the wood on either side of my head, trapping me.
"You want to know what I think?" His voice was low and rough, his face inches from mine. "I think you should have stayed away instead of coming here to torture me."
The words hit me like physical blows, but I refused to flinch. "Then why didn't you let me die in the forest?"
"Because I'm weak," he hissed.
"Yes, you are!" I shot back. "You're weak and you're a coward!"
His control snapped completely. Adrian's body pressed closer, pinning me fully against the door. I could feel the heat radiating from him, could see the pulse jumping in his throat.
"Why can't you just stay away from me?" he whispered harshly, his breath hot against my skin. "Why do you have to be everywhere I look, reminding me of what I can't have?"
"Why save me, then?" I demanded, my own voice barely above a whisper. "Why send medics? Why defend me? Why not just let me die if I'm so unworthy?"
Adrian's eyes burned into mine, and I saw something break behind them. The careful control, the cold mask, it all crumbled away, leaving only raw need and desperate pain.
"Because," he breathed, leaning closer until his forehead almost touched mine, "because I can't bear the thought of a world without you in it."
The mate bond exploded between us, so strong it made my knees weak. Adrian's scent surrounded me, overwhelming my senses. His body was pressed against mine, hard and warm and perfectly fitted like we were made for each other.
"Adrian," I whispered.
His name on my lips seemed to break something in him. His hands moved from the door to cup my face, his thumbs brushing across my cheekbones with devastating gentleness.
"I dream about you," he confessed, his voice broken. "Every night, I dream about holding you, claiming you, making you mine in every way that matters."
My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it. "Then why…."
"Because they'll kill you." The words were torn from him like they were killing him to say. "If I claim you, if I make you my mate officially, they'll kill you. And I can't... I won't be responsible for your death."
Before I could ask who "they" were, before I could demand more answers, Adrian seemed to realize what he was doing. Horror flashed across his face as he looked down at his hands on my skin.
"No," he whispered, stepping back so suddenly I nearly fell. "No, this can't happen."
He moved away from me like I was on fire, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. When he spoke again, his voice was cold and trembling with the effort to maintain control.
"Get out."
I stared at him in shock. "Adrian.."
"I said get out!" His voice cracked like a whip. "Leave now, before I do something we'll both regret."
The dismissal hurt more than any physical blow could have. After what we had just shared, after his confession, he was pushing me away again.
I walked to the door with as much dignity as I could manage. But before I left, I turned back to look at him one more time.
"For what it's worth," I said quietly, "I dream about you too."
Then I slipped out and closed it behind me, leaving him alone with his demons.
I walked quickly down the corridor, my whole body trembling. My skin still burned where he had touched me, and the mate bond ached with the separation.
But underneath the physical longing, anger burned bright and hot. He had done it again, pulled me close, made me hope, then shoved me away like I was nothing.
"Because they'll kill you," he had said.
Who would kill me? And why?
I made it back to my room and collapsed on my narrow bed. Adrian cared about me. More than cared – he dreamed about me, couldn't bear the thought of a world without me. The mate bond was tearing him apart just as much as it was destroying me.
But someone would kill me if we were together. Someone powerful enough to make a prince afraid.
I pressed my hands to my face, breathing in the scent that still clung to my skin from when he had touched me.
I had vowed not to beg him again, and I meant it. But the bond was relentless. It pulled at me constantly, a physical ache that grew stronger every time I saw him.
Tonight, I let myself remember the feeling of being held agains
t his chest, of hearing him admit that he couldn't live in a world without me.
The bond made me ache with longing no matter how hard I tried to resist it.