Chapter 93
“Hey little brother, how’s it going?” Noah’s voice was chipper, and it broke me.
I started to sob, and his voice immediately changed. He hushed me, telling me everything was going to be okay. I tried to cover my mouth, but it hurt, and I was gasping for air.
“Hey…hey, it’s okay. Calm down. Breathe. Alright? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
All I wanted to say was that it wasn’t okay. That it was all wrong. All of it was going bad, but I couldn’t even find the words.
“Nate, it’s going to be okay. Where are the kids?”
I took a deep, haggard breath. “With Nessa and Fey. Alpha Jacob, Jesse and Randy are also here. At the pool.”
“Where are you?”
“In the bedroom.”
Noah’s mundane questions helped me to ground myself. Helped the sobs and hiccups relax. Now, I just felt broken.
“You want to tell me what happened?”
Taking a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes shut. “Alpha Jacob has to report me to the Alpha King.” I wrapped my arms around my legs, pulling my knees close.
Noah was quiet for a moment. “You’re having twins again?”
A single sob broke out. “No, three.”
Noah cursed, and I heard something break in the background.
“Noah, he’s going to have to report the twins too. That’s a pattern. Alpha…he hasn’t claimed me. I’m not…I’m unclaimed. I’m just a male, non-omega, who now has a pattern of having multiples.”
Noah let out a deep breath, and I wondered if he was smoking. “But they can’t get you pregnant. You’re mated already. With the bond we have, you can’t get pregnant from someone else.”
I choked out another sob. “I know, and you know, but no one else does. They will come after me, Noah. After the kids. They will try to use them. It will be the Alphas, and Alpha Jacob can’t protect me. I’m not part of his pack.”
“Fuck!” Something else crashed. “Can’t he just not report it?”
“He said…that I might be the first male ever to have triplets. That he has to report it.”
Noah growled. “That’s a fucking cop-out. Damn doctors wanting new cases to be archived. Fuck!”
“What do I do? This puts Landon and Amelia at risk. It puts the three pups at risk too. I don’t…I don’t know…Noah…” My heart hammered and tears fell again. The thought of not being able to protect my kids, protect my home…it was my ultimate fear. “I’m broken. I got angry at Beta on the phone today. I pushed myself too hard, and my leg gave out. I’m a fucking cripple. How do I protect them?”
Noah was quiet on the other end. I could hear his breath, and that meant he was smoking. Slowly, I controlled my breathing, trying to match his lazy one.
“What about Silas?”
My anger flared. “I just got done telling Beta I was over him. I love him, but all he’s ever done is hurt me. Over and over. I’m done with him, Noah! I can’t fucking deal with him!”
Noah was quiet again for a while. “I know, Nate. And honestly, you held out a lot longer than I would have. But…if he at least claims you…you have a little protection. Other Alphas would know that an Alpha already is yours. It doesn’t mean your relationship would be any different. But at least…you and the kids will have that level of protection. You’ll have to tell him though…about the triplets.”
This was just getting worse. I knew he was right. It didn’t completely remove the issue. But Alphas were less likely to go after a claimed mate if it meant starting a war with another pack. They might try some underhanded shit, but I wouldn’t need to worry about the entire Alpha population trying to get at me.
“Can you stay on the line? I’m going to go silent for a bit.”
“Of course. I’ll be here. I need another cigarette.”
I let out a breathy chuckle. Closing my eyes, I focused on the bond and forced myself through it. When I opened my eyes, I was in Silas’ office again. Typical. No matter the time of day, he was always in his office. He had his head bent down as he focused on the paper in front of him. I realized I might have pushed myself so quickly; it didn’t even alert him.
‘Alpha.’
I never hated the command he gave me so much as I did now. I needed his name. I need him to hear me say his name. Not coming to him as Alpha.
His head rose, and there was a surprise written on his face. ‘How did you…?’
I clasped my hands together and closed my eyes. My nails dug into my skin, and I tried to let anything other than the thought of my pups’ safety take over.
‘I need your help, Alpha.’
He snorted. ‘That’s rich, coming from you. Especially per our last conversation.’
I tightened my grip. ‘I know.’
My eyes rose and met his. He regarded me at first with the usual anger and then with confusion, realizing I wasn’t going to rise to his jabs.
‘I can’t do anything for you, Nate. You should go.’
I took a deep breath. ‘You can. I’m not…I’m not asking you to love me. I’m not asking to come back or to be anything. Alpha, please, I just…’
He set his pen down and looked up at me from his desk. The same way he looked at every other pack member when they asked for his help. My frustration and anger reached a peak.
‘Just what, Nate?’
‘S-Si-las…I need you to claim me.’
Saying his name physically hurt. I felt going against his command was like laying down on a bed of nails and rolling around on it.
Silas looked at me, shocked. I dug in deeper, feeling the pain of my nails, and I wondered if I was going to be bleeding when I ended up back in my body. It was never pretty when someone tried to fight a command. It’s why we use it in torture sessions. Not every day use.
‘You just broke my command.’
I stepped forward. ‘I need you to realize I wouldn’t be asking this if there were another way. Any other way to protect my family. I’m not coming to you as your fucking pack member. I’m coming to you as your mate. The one you marked. I am begging you. Please. Claim me officially.’
He leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. The silence stretched between us. I tried searching Silas’ face for anything, but it was blank at the moment.
‘I can’t claim you.’
My heart and soul shattered before me. I felt my knees give out as I fell to the floor. Eyes wide, I stared at the carpet in front of his desk. Slowly, my head looked up and my eyes took in my mate. He seemed more than a little surprised that I just melted onto his floor.
‘You said…you said it was your obligation to protect us…it was your job…’
‘It is, Nate. But I can’t claim you.’
I choked back a sob. ‘Why the hell not? I’m your mate! You marked me! You literally brought me back to life! Why…?’
‘I’m engaged.’
My spinning world halted. The brakes slammed on, and I was wondering who I was speaking to now. Suddenly, I felt sick.
‘If you publicly claimed me…’
‘The elders would know you were my mate. They would force you back. Force me to take you as my Luna.’
My eyes rose to meet his. ‘Would that be so bad…having me by your side?’
‘We’ve discussed this, Nate. You and I will be nothing more than Alpha and pack member. We won’t be a family, and that’s what the Elders would want. I will not allow you to be my weakness.’
‘But you’ll do it with some other fucking she-wolf? You’ll get married like fucking humans. She’ll be your Luna.’
Silas stood up and turned, his back facing me as he looked out the window. ‘They understand, at least, what they are getting into. A title with nothing more. No love. No family. The Elders even provided multiple wolves for my Luna to mate so that there would be a line…’
I screamed at him. ‘You already have a line! You have two beautiful Alpha twins who want so badly to meet their Papa. Your actual blood, Silas! How could you think of agreeing to any of this? How did you think I would feel?’
‘It doesn’t matter what you think. You and I will never be. End of story. Whether Eros wants to go behind my back and fuck you every time he sees you is not my problem. I need someone obedient by my side as Luna. Someone who won’t be a weakness. Someone I don’t need to worry about.’
Bringing my hands up to my face, I let my forehead hit the floor as I screamed into my hands. My arms then wrapped around my stomach as I rocked back and forth. I shook as everything inside me cried out in pain.
This was the same pain I had felt the first time he had rejected me. That pain probably drove me over the edge. Now though, now it wasn’t even for me. The Alphas could rape me, destroy my body all they wanted. Eventually, they would realize I couldn’t have their pups. But the fear of my kids being used against me. The two of them being in danger because of me was enough to drive me to the brink of insanity.
‘I can still protect you, still do my duty as your mate. I…’
‘Shut up.’ My eyes lifted as I glared at him with hatred.
He was taken aback. ‘What?’
‘Shut the fuck up, Silas.’
Silas growled. ‘You don’t get to talk to me like that, Nate. I’m your Alpha.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re not my Alpha. Fuck you. I hope you’re miserable. I hope you die alone, just like your fucking father did. Not if but when they come for me, come for our kids, I’ll hope you find solace because if they wind up dead, it’s your fucking fault!’
I pulled myself out of the link, and I felt warm water soaking me. Alpha Jacob and Fey were standing over me, talking as I opened my eyes.
“Goddess, Nate, what the hell? You scared us to death.”
I swallowed, my mouth so dry that all I could taste was the bitter loneliness that came with every rejection that Silas threw at me. This one was so much worse, though. I literally had nothing now. Nothing except for the security system that Aelia put in and my own abilities. Looking down, my skin was raw, and I sighed.
“I broke an Alpha Command.”
Fey slapped my shoulder, and I winced. “You should know better! You could have bled out on the floor right there! Or, goddess forbid, one of your kids found you like that. What then, Nate?”
My eyes widened. “They didn’t…”
Alpha Jacob shook his head. “Nessa found you. I told her you might need some time, but she was worried…”
“Get out of my house, Alpha.” I didn’t look up at him as I said it. I just balled my fists in the red-tinted water.
“Nate! That’s extremely rude! Uncle just…”
I heard Alpha Jacob sigh. “No, Fey. He has every right. I’ll be going.”
He left the room, and I heard him saying goodbye to Landon and Amelia before taking Jesse and Randy with him. I lost the battle against my tears again, and I sobbed into my knees.
“Nate, what is going on?”
“He’s reporting me to the Alpha King. He’s reporting Landon and Amelia…and my pups.” My hand went over my stomach protectively.
Fey realized it immediately as well. “He wouldn’t, Nate! He knows the position that would put you in! I knew he…”
“He already did, Fey. It’s too late. I tried…I tried Silas, but he refused to claim me publicly. I’m scared. I’m scared for my kids. I’m scared for my babies. I’m scared, Fey. I’ve never been so fucking terrified in my entire life. I don’t care what happens to me, Fey, but the kids…I can’t…I can’t breathe…”
Her hand rubbed my back as I shook. She knew there was nothing she could say. Nothing to make this better. Nessa came in after about five minutes.
“Do you want us to take the kids for the night? We can have a sleepover. Give you some time to gather yourself?”
I wanted to be with them. They were my rocks, and with this fear, all I wanted to do was hold them tight. But that wouldn’t do anyone any good. I knew she was right. I needed to get my head straight. After the conversation with Silas, I didn’t know if I could right away.
“Please. It will probably be the last time.”
They nodded, and two of them kissed my head before helping the kids pack their bags. I drained the tub and got in the shower. It rinsed all the blood off, but the pain still radiated through my body. Alpha commands were no joke, especially one that was thrown with so much power and anger. It was stupid, but it was worth it now. I didn’t need to call him Alpha anymore.
Turning off the water, I wrapped myself in a towel. Amelia and Landon were waiting for me as I exited the shower. They ran up and hugged me. Getting down to their level, I kissed the two of them.
“Be good, okay? I don’t wanna hear anything but amazing things about you. Got it?”
They nodded.
Amelia looked me over. “You okay? Nessa and Fey had their faces scrunched up.”
“I’m fine. More than fine. You two are going to be older siblings.”
A smile broke out on both their faces. Landon squealed. “Do I get a baby sister?”
“We will have to see. But there isn’t just one or two, there are three. So, I’m going to need your guys’ help a lot. Can you do that?”
They nodded enthusiastically. “That’s why we are going with Nessa and Fey?”
“I think Nessa and Fey just want to steal you away for movies and popcorn.”
Their bright smiling faces were my world, and I would do my very best to protect them from the hell we were just about to embark into. They said their goodbyes, and I waved as they headed out.
Once they were gone, I got dressed in some sweats and a shirt before grabbing my phone and heading into the library. I fell onto the couch unceremoniously, and I pulled up my phone. 13 missed calls. Two from Noah. One from Finn. Seven from Charles and three from an unknown number. Sighing, I hit Noah’s missed call notifications. It didn’t even ring once.
“What the hell happened?” His voice was on edge.
“I…I broke an Alpha command, which had some serious repercussions on my body that I didn’t realize.”
Noah growled. “What happened, Nate?”
“I…I reached out through the link to talk to Silas. To ask him to claim me officially.”
“Well, I know which command you broke. Though I don’t think it was worth nearly bleeding out, according to Fey. What did he say?”
I sighed. “He said no.”
“Excuse me? He told you no?”
“He’s apparently engaged and getting married. He’s going to make the she-wolf his Luna. And they are even going to have her sleep with other wolves to pretend they are having children together.”
There was a roar, and I heard the phone being slammed down. There was movement and rustling, bottles smashing on the ground.
“Noah, what the hell are you doing?” Finn’s voice came across the phone.
“I’m going to fucking kill an Alpha is what I’m going to do. I’m gonna do it with Solaris’ fucking bat.”
Finn was closer now. “You cannot. I don’t want to be picking you up off the floor…”
“I have Solaris’ permission. He’s gone too far, Finn. He’s gone too fucking far, and he’s going to pay for it. Text Lor. Tell her I need her here ASAP.”
“Why?”
Noah growled again. “Because if I don’t kill him, he’s going to agree to let her scramble his fucking brain! I’ll fight whatever fucking magic he used with our own!”
A door slammed shut, and his phone was left on a counter or table. A small smile wove its way onto my face. Noah was going to battle for me. I didn’t want him to get hurt, or Finn, but the fact that he had been so pissed for me and willing to fight my battle made me feel warm inside. It felt like I actually had older brothers.
Hanging up, I stared at the other numbers before clearing out the missed calls and placing my phone down. Curling up into a ball, I let myself break again. Taking advantage of the quiet house to wallow and praying I could come out stronger.