Chapter 90
Amelia hummed, and Landon leaned over, whispering something. She nodded at first, then shook her head, and whispered back. The two of them were in deep conversation for about three minutes.
“See Leah and Hailey.”
My eyes widened. I felt the plate slip out of my fingers and fall into the sink. It clattered down, but I recovered quickly. Grabbing it, I finished scrubbing and set it aside.
“I told you!” Amelia whisper-yelled at her brother.
I realized they probably were discussing whether to bring it up. Taking a breath, I set the next plate in the dishwasher.
“So you want to go to Uncle Finn and Uncle Noah’s? Instead of them coming here?”
They looked at each other and nodded slowly.
“You know, nothing is off limits in talking to me about. I’m not going to get mad or upset. It’s been a while since we have seen them.”
Walking around the island, I picked the two of them up, and they giggled as I carried them to the couch. Flopping down, I cuddled both of them. They nuzzled into me, and I kissed their foreheads.
“I’ll talk to Uncle Finn and Uncle Noah. See what they say. I don’t want to bother them if we go out.” I tapped my chin. “We could see Grandma Maggie too if we went out.”
They both smiled, and we settled in for our nightly read. Currently, we were working through a book that was a little high above their comprehension, but it had baby dragons in it. They would ask when they didn’t understand a word, and I had gotten very good at explaining things in simpler terms.
Forty-five minutes later and both my pups were curled up asleep on my lap. Setting the book down, I lifted the two of them and placed them in their respective beds. Closing their doors quietly, I headed back into my room. After taking a shower, my eyes fell on my phone. I picked it up and dialed Finn’s number.
“It’s been a while, Nate. How are you doing?” The phone hadn’t even rung once.
“I hope I’m not calling at a bad time.”
Finn laughed. “No, not at all. It’s a slow Tuesday. You also didn’t answer my question. Which means you’re not okay.”
Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m fine.”
He snorted. “Fine. Sure. Who do you want to talk to? Me? Or Noah?”
“Finn, really…I’m fine. It’s…” I paused. “…it’s nothing.”
“Who are you trying to fool? Me or you?”
I sighed again. “Me, of course.”
Finn laughed. “Okay, just making sure. What’s up? If you didn’t want to call to tell me what the hell is wrong.”
“Amelia and Landon asked if we could go on vacation to see you guys.”
There was silence on the phone for a moment. “What did you say?”
“I told them, first off, that they could talk to me about anything. They were worried about my being upset with them for bringing it up. Then I said I would talk to you.”
Finn groaned, and I could imagine him running his hands through his hair. “What do you want to do?”
I laughed. “I mean, it’s hard. We go to the beach, and we have a forest to run around in. We have everything here that is on everyone else’s vacation list. So I can understand them wanting to vacation to see people instead of places.”
“Asshat doesn’t leave his territory anymore. Only Charles and Sam come down, but it’s rare. We could make it work…” He paused and then chuckled. “I mean we can put you to work.”
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to intrude. I mean, you have Leah and little Hailey. Plus the bar. And…”
“Do you want to come out or not, Nate? Cause I can make thirty million excuses for you if you need it. But if you want to come out, we will make room for you. We always will. You know that.”
It was hard to swallow, and the emotions caught in my throat. “Finn…”
“Nate, what is going on with you?”
I slipped off my bed and sat on the floor. Closing my eyes, I ran my hands through my hair. I was quiet for a long time, but I knew Finn would wait.
“I saw Alpha at the Alpha Conference. Alpha Jacob made me come, and I saw all three of them.”
Finn cursed. “How did it go?” There was a distinct sound of a chair being pulled out and him sitting.
“At first, it was fine. I did my best to just…ignore him. I sat down with Sam and Charles. It was nice to catch up.”
There was another pause. “But that’s not all…”
“Silas got really drunk, and Eros took over.”
“Nate, you didn’t…”
I leaned my head back on the bed. “He was drunk, and he just…he barged into my room. I tried to talk to him…tried to push him away…but three years…”
“And you still love him.”
“Fuck it, Finn. I do. Eros just sets me on fire. I…I lost it. Then Wren took over and…and…”
He coughed. “Wait, Wren took over? Are you back on speaking terms?”
“Yeah. Sorta. He’s a little upset since I’ve been a little off my game lately.”
“What do you mean ‘off your game’?”
I sighed. “We…we didn’t use protection. So I think…”
“You’re pregnant?!” He nearly yelled into the phone.
Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “I mean…I haven’t…checked, and I’ve been avoiding it, really. There have been signs though.”
“How long ago was the Alpha Conference?”
“Four weeks, coming on five, I guess.”
Finn went back to yelling. “Nathaniel Christian White! What the hell?”
“Finn…”
“No, don’t you ‘Finn’ me. You know better, Nate. What happens if you have multiples again? You said it might be something that Solaris had done to your bond. What if that happens? You need to be careful. And knowing you, you aren’t. You’re probably not eating, over-working yourself, and avoiding all questions on how you are doing.”
I swallowed and didn’t answer. Over these past years, Finn and Noah had become the closest family I had. It also meant that Finn nailed exactly what I had been doing the last few weeks. My lips pursed tightly.
“Goddess, Nate. If you weren’t planning on coming here, I’d come there and kick your ass.”
Chuckling, I closed my eyes. “I just…how can I do this again? I’ve got two pups already. I’m on my own. Now? If it is multiple…I mean four pups? There is a limit to what I can do, Finn.”
He sighed. “I know, Nate. But you kind of asked for it when you opened the door to Eros. You know how he is. Two, you’ve done this before. You’re the best dad to Landon and Amelia. You made it through and thrived in a completely new place. You were made to be a dad. It’s always scary, but you are so strong. Stronger than both Noah and me.”
“That’s not…”
“It’s true, and you know it. Now, get your ass out here so I can kick it.”
I laughed and nodded. “Alright, alright.”
“You want me to call Shep? He can come down and…”
“No. If I can help it, I want to stay away from the pack. At least the ones Alpha relies on. I don’t want to come into contact with Alpha. Especially not…”
Finn sighed. “…pregnant. Yeah. I get it. Just get Alpha Jacob to check in on you before you leave, yeah?”
I smiled. “Thanks, Finn.”
“You’re an idiot, Nate. Three years and you still love that asshole.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “Yeah, maybe I am. But at least I’ve got two idiot brothers who look out for me when I am.”
Finn laughed. “You hear that, Noah? Nate is our little brother!”
From far away from the phone, I heard Noah yell. “Then he needs to stop fucking Silas!”
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. “Twice! It happened twice!”
“Pregnant. Both times. If Noah and I got pregnant every time we fucked, we would have a horde by now.”
My face went red, and I buried my head in my knees. “Goddess…don’t say that.”
“Are you embarrassed? For real? Have you not been fucking anyone else in Greece?”
I felt my face get even redder. “I mean! I have twins! And…a mate…I couldn’t…”
The phone fell silent for a moment.
“Finn?”
“I wish I could tell you Silas was the same.”
My heart sank, and tears immediately trailed down my cheeks. I stared wide-eyed at the wall in front of me. It never occurred to me to cheat on Silas. The mate bond always meant too much to me. Even when I was searching for Aelia, knowing she was probably dead, I felt regret after every time I fucked a she-wolf. We weren’t even officially mated. But now that I was, that I had kids, it was always off the table.
“He…he…fucks…”
“Other women. She-wolves mostly. The rumor is that his Elders keep sending them in for him to test out. Though I’ve seen him with a human or two over the years. He goes on binges too and just…well…the she-wolves take advantage of it. They think they can still nail him down. No one knows he’s mated. So they are still trying to hook him.”
Suddenly, I was gasping for air. It was hard to breathe, and I felt like my soul was falling to pieces. A sob broke out, but I tried to cover it with my hand.
“I’m sorry, Nate. I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, you shouldn’t have, you idiot.” Noah must have done something because Finn cursed.
I swallowed my tears. “No. No, it’s fine. I mean. He doesn’t want me. So why should he settle for something he doesn’t give a shit about?”
“Nate…”
Taking a breath, I shook my head, trying to shake the pain away. “It’s fine. You know what…it doesn’t matter. It might take a couple of weeks, but I’ll grab some last-minute plane tickets and we will head your way. I’d like to stay with Maggie too for a bit and then we can head up.”
“We can pick you up at Maggie’s. How about that? So you can stay with us for a few days and then head back?”
“Sounds good. I’ll text you once I get more information.”
Finn sighed. “Nate, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Finn. Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to you later.” Before he could say anything else, I hung up the phone.
Burying my head in my knees, I curled up into a ball. Tears fell as I tried to hold together what little pieces of my heart I had left. It really shouldn’t hurt this much. Hadn’t I moved on? I had accepted that I would never be anything in Silas’ life other than a nuisance and a forgotten relic of a time when he had a heart.
“Daddy?”
I looked up, wide-eyed as Amelia was standing in my doorway, holding her stuffed whale in one hand, the other hand holding her brother’s. Landon rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, mid-yawn.
“Munchkins, what are you doing awake?” I moved to a kneeling position and held out my hands.
The two of them ran to me, holding me tight and curling up in a ball.
Amelia nuzzled into me. “You were talking and then…” Her little hand brushed my cheek, taking some of my tears with her. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”
I smiled and kissed her nose. “It’s nothing you need to worry about, alright? I’m okay.”
“Was it…because we asked…about a vay-cay?” Landon was more awake now.
My heart broke, and I pulled both of them closer. “No, Lan. Not at all. Dad was talking to Uncle Finn about some grown-up things.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Amelia frowned. “It was my fault. I asked Lan to say it.”
I shook my head. “Both of you, listen to me. I never want you to be afraid of my being upset or hurt. There are a lot of grown-up things Daddy is dealing with. But I love it when you two talk to me and ask me things. Uncle Finn said we can go out any time and I’ll talk to Grandma Maggie tomorrow. I’m going to get us tickets to fly out in two weeks if she gives the okay.”
Their eyes lit up. “Really?”
Smiling, I kissed both of their heads. “Of course. You asked me, and I’m happy to let you see your family. Always.” Taking a deep breath, I lifted the two of them onto the bed. “Come on, you can sleep with me tonight.”
The two of them giggled and snickered as they snuggled under the covers. I climbed over Landon and snuggled between the two of them. They each grabbed an arm, and Landon was out like a light in two seconds. Amelia, though, was squirming with her whale pressed against me.
“Daddy?”
I hummed, looking down at her.
Her eyes were closed, but she still had her thinking-upset face. “Were you crying because of Papa?”