Chapter 215 Recovering Lost Loves

Chapter 215 Recovering Lost Loves
Laurette’s POV

“We could always just get new ones”. Hosea tells me in a suggestive voice, pulling his eyes away briefly to look at the road as he drives. 

I press my eyes shut, feeling incredibly stupid and hopeless. My palm comes up to press against my forehead and I release a distressed sigh. 

I only remember feeling the ropes of the bag slipping through my fingers as I clung to Hosea back at the scene. But it didn’t occur to me in that moment I needed to double check. 

“Yeah…”. I mumble, resting my head against the car window and trying not to cry. Hosea’s right. We can always just get another one. But nothing beats the experience I had in making it for the first time. The effort I had put in too. And to lose it so carelessly just makes me feel like an idiot. 

I feel Hosea’s hand on my thigh again, caressing my flesh and I can feel him sneaking looks at me. Maybe I’m overreacting a little bit. But I have to admit I am incredibly hurt by this. 

“Come on”. He urges, squeezing softly. “Don’t be sad.”

I sigh. “I’m not.”

“You obviously are.”  He says, sounding slightly amused. 

I release another distressed sigh, not even bothering to deny it again. I drag my glistening eyes to him, managing a sad smile, to which Hosea groans lowly, tipping his head back.

“Okay. This is what we’re gonna do”. He starts, eyeing the rear view mirror. “I’m gonna take you back to the house, then drive back over real quick and get it. Cool?”

I’m shaking my head before he’s even done talking. “Oh no. No no no you aren’t going back there.”

“Why?”  He frowns. 

“Because,”. My voice is louder now. “You heard what he said. You aren’t supposed to show your face there again or else he’d… or else he’d… no. You aren’t going.”  I shake my head and stare out the window, just as the sound of his sultry laughter fills my ears. 

“Calm your pants, Kitten. Dante can’t harm me. And if I was slightly worried about his threats then I wouldn’t even have brought you here. I’m just mad you had to witness it.”  His eyes move from the road ahead to the side mirrors one after the other, and I silently admire how smoothly he drives. I blink away my fantasies, coming back to the matter at hand. 

“Still… I can’t let you do that.”  I fold my hands across my chest. 

“Well I can’t let you go on being sad over them.”

I shake my head at his retort, expecting that my silence would make him drop it. But it doesn’t seem like he has any plans to with how he squeezes my thigh and mutters, “I won’t be long.”

I decide to try another approach. Because as much as I would love to get our bracelets back, I just can’t get the picture of him fighting out of my head. I don’t want him going back there. 

“Are you going to leave me all alone?”  I ask, my voice small and subtly pleading. 

“You’d manage, wouldn’t you? The house is pretty tucked away. Nothing’s gonna happen to you. Besides I wouldn’t even be up to an hour gone.”

I sigh. “What if he’s still there?”

Hosea side glances me, then shrugs noncommittally. He doesn’t look half as bothered as I am about this. 
I only manage yet another sigh at his silence, lifting my hand to rest against the car door. The slight carsickness is making me drowsy, which leads me to close my eyes. 

The rest of the drive is quiet, with only the low hum of the engine between us. No music. I glance at Hosea to ask him to play some, but decide against it when I find him with a deep frown on his face. He stares at the road, but is obviously mentally far away. His hand remains on my lap, absently drawing circles with the side of his thumb. 

Without asking what the matter is, I lower my hands to my lap and take his larger one between my fingers. My touch seems to pull him from his thoughts, the heat of his gaze warming the side of my face. But neither of us say a word. 

Finally, we pull in to the front of the large wooden and glass cabin, and Hosea is the first to hop out. He rounds the car and pulls my door open, helping me out. Then he walks me  in without closing the door behind me. He holds my hand all the way to our bedroom on the upper floor, sitting me down by the edge of the bed. 

“Is there anything you need?”  He asks, tossing his keys into his other palm and looking down at me. 

I shake my head. Because asides the obvious I don’t need anything else. Hosea nods in approval and turns on his heels. “I’ll be back before you know it”. 

I watch him walk out the door, feeling too weak to protest any longer. I sit for a while after he is gone, staring at the walls of the large bedroom. And as I do, my mind takes me back to what Hosea told me. Of his experience here as a child. A bubble of pride brews within me as I think of the courage it must’ve taken for him to come back here. 

I couldn’t do it. 

I could never return to the places that broke me. Not even when I’m whole again. Not the trailer houses. Not the people. Not even the memories. 
I think back to the period of my life where I had begun to develop these episodes. I never really talked about it, but the panic attacks I suffered after witnessing violence were as a result of living in constant fear. Fear for my Mama’s life. Fear for mine. 

It was a constant struggle for Mama to stay sober at home, and watching her wither away scared me. It was from one breakup to another. She barely let herself heal before moving on to another relationship only to end up in the same state. Heartbroken. Which would ultimately lead to more alcohol and drugs. 

It was pathetic. 

But as if that wasn’t all, she somehow entered into a relationship with an abuser. Then came the episodes. He didn’t last long, but his effect in our lives did. That was the turning point for Mama. It was like a veil was lifted from her eyes. 

She had returned from the hospital that faithful day and said she was gonna find a way to move us to the town. And she meant it. And to this day, I’m grateful for that decision. 

I don’t know how I ended up laying on my side with my cheek pressed against the sheets, but as my eyes drooped closed, I couldn’t feel anything other than content. 

Mama found her happiness and therefore I found mine. She changed for me. And paved way for me to meet the best thing that could ever happen to me. 
My knight.