Between heaven and hell

I was terrified, my body wouldn't obey. My legs were shaking as Jacob squeezed my arm harder and harder. Although I had no memory of that night, my body seemed to clearly remember everything it had been through at the hands of that man. He leaned down and licked my neck, the nausea came at once and I vomited at Jacob's feet, who took a step backwards.

"Son of a bitch!" he raised his hand, his face distorted with rage. I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain that never came.

When I opened my eyes, Jacob was no longer there. He had completely disappeared without leaving any trace of his presence. I looked around, afraid that he might be hiding somewhere, waiting for me to come out. I remained motionless with my eyes closed until I felt a soft, gentle touch on my shoulder. Furthermore, I screamed and struggled. I didn't want to be touched by anyone at that moment, even if it was to help me. I was scared, feeling dirty. Furthermore, I could still feel Jacob's fingers squeezing my flesh hard, making my muscles tremble.

"Calm down, my butterfly." Fabian's soft voice penetrated my ears, but I couldn't make my body stop struggling.

Then a thought began to wash over me. It was his fault, it was the fault of the lust those men felt, it was the fault of their unholy desires and the certainty that they would be fine. It was Fabian's fault.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted as I struggled even more, trying to get away from his touch. "It's your fault, it's always been your fault!"

"What are you talking about, Savannah?" Fabian asked, taking a firm hold of my wrists.

"That's why you rescued me because you knew it was your fault!" Fabian released me and took a few steps back. "I remember the lust that shone in their eyes as they wounded me. That purple aura was there, surrounding them all like a thick smoke."

There was no response, no attempt to deny what I was saying. My heart broke. That was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I tried to escape, but Raphael stopped me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me against his body. A contract that on another occasion I would have gladly accepted, at that moment was just painful and frightening. I pushed Raphael's chest, and he let go of me but continued to hold my hands.

"My angel," he said in a low, sweet voice, but nothing at that moment could calm my heart.

"No, I don't want to hear anything from any of you. Just leave me alone." But Raphael wouldn't let me go. His eyes were full of doubt and fear, but even with these feelings so evident, Raphael put my hands on his chest and kept them there.

"Savannah, what I'm going to say now I've wanted to tell you since the first time we met." Raphael's tone of voice was solemn.

"Don't you dare take advantage of her? Don't you realize that Savannah is confused?" Fabian shouted from behind me.

I managed to free myself from Raphael's grip and covered my ears. I didn't want to be in that place, I didn't want to be experiencing any of it. Furthermore, I squeezed my eyes shut, just wishing I could wake up from that horrible nightmare.

"She has a right to know!" Raphael shouted. Once again I felt his hands on my shoulders, trying to get my attention, but I kept my eyes closed. "Listen to me carefully, Savannah."

"I don't want to! Why should I listen to anything you say? You just want to manipulate me, like everyone else has always done." Raphael finally released me and I fell to my knees on the cold floor of the gutters. "Nothing has changed."

"I can make it change, my angel." Raphael stood before me, his beautiful blue eyes filled with a hope that I no longer carried in my heart.

I let my hands drop and looked from Raphael to Fabian, my heart broken, my mind confused. "And how exactly would you manage to change anything? You don't even know what a mess I've got myself into."

"I know," Raphael said, pulling my hands into his once again. "I know that your soul is pledged to Asmodeus, I know what they did to you and what you asked of him."

My hands began to shake, I could no longer understand what was happening. Who were those men in front of me? "How do you know about this? Who are you?" I shouted, feeling the pain and despair growing inside me.

"I am, I was an angel. I fell from the sky because I fell in love with you. I chose you." Raphael looked at me expectantly, but all I could do was turn away from him. "My angel."

"Shut up!" I shouted with all my might.

I looked at Fabian, who remained silent, staring at a still passed-out Jacob on the floor. Furthermore, I could only feel fear inside me, fear of the choices I had made, fear of my future. I had seen the fate of those who made a deal with Fabian, my fate. I couldn't understand Raphael's real motivations, after all, if he chose to fall from the sky for me, why didn't he save me that damn day? Suddenly, everything disappeared. The pain, the fear, the anger, the doubts, everything just disappeared. I felt empty.

"I'm still nobody, I still have nobody by my side." I stood up and started to walk away, down the empty street.

The sky was dark, without any stars, the icy wind cut my exposed skin, and the loose stones on the ground hurt my feet. Even with all that, I still felt nothing. Someone bumped into my shoulder and I fell to my knees on the ground. Tears rolled down my face and a sob escaped me. Once again, I was alone.

A hand appeared in front of my face, offering help and support. I felt so alone and needy that I accepted that hand, not caring where it took me.

"It's going to be okay." As soon as we touched, my vision darkened and I blacked out.