Chapter 23 What she found
Rafael
I woke up to an empty bed.
My hand reached out instinctively, searching for Eva's warmth. But the sheets were cold. She'd been gone for a while.
I sat up quickly, my heart pounding.
Where was she?
I checked the bathroom, it was empty. The closet too was empty.
Panic started to rise in my chest. Had she run away? Hadsomeone taken her?
I rushed out of the bedroom and down the hallway. The house was quiet.
Then I saw light coming from under my office door.
I walked slowly towards it. I pressed my ear against the door and listened.
There was no sound.
I opened the door carefully. Eva was sitting at my desk, illuminated by the soft glow of the computer screen. She was so focused on whatever she was reading that she didn't hear me enter.
I watched her for a moment. The way her fingers traced the words on the page. The way her brow furrowed in concentration.
She looked so much like Eva.
"Couldn't sleep?" I asked quietly.
She jumped, nearly dropping whatever she was holding. Her eyes went wide when she saw me standing in the doorway.
"Rafael! I... I was just..." She trailed off, looking guilty.
I stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. "You were just what? Going through my things?"
"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about everything." Her voice trembled. "I was just trying to understand."
I walked closer. She was holding a small leather journal. It was old and dusty.
My chest tightened. "Where did you get that?"
"From your desk drawer. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have." She looked down at the journal. "I just wanted to know more about Eva."
I sat down in the chair across from her. "What did you find?"
She hesitated, then spoke softly. "Not much. Just some entries about your life together. About how much she loved you."
I studied her face. She was hiding something. I could tell by the way she wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Is that all?" I asked.
"Yes." She set the journal down on the desk. "I should go back to bed."
She stood up too quickly, like she was trying to escape.
"Eva, wait."
She stopped but didn't turn around.
"You can ask me anything," I said.
"About Eva. About our life together. You don't need to sneak around reading her diary."
"I know. I'm sorry." Her voice was small. "I just felt like if I could understand her, I could understand myself."
I stood and walked over to her. She tensed when I got close but didn't pull away.
"Understanding will come with time," I said gently. "The memories will return. I promise."
"What if they don't?"
"They will. You just need to trust me."
She finally turned to look at me. There was something in her eyes. Fear? Suspicion? I couldn't tell.
"I'm trying to trust you," she whispered. "But it's hard. Everything feels so strange."
"I know." I reached out and touched her face gently. She flinched slightly. "But we'll figure this out together."
She nodded, but I could feel the distance between us. Like she was pulling away even while standing right in front of me.
"Come," I said, taking her hand. "Let's go back to bed. It's late."
She let me lead her back to the bedroom. We climbed into bed, and I noticed how she stayed on her side, as far from me as possible.
I lay there in the darkness, listening to her breathe.
Something had changed. She'd found something in that diary. Something that made her look at me differently.
What could it be?
I went over everything Eva had written in those pages. Most of it was innocent. Loving entries about our relationship. Our plans for the future.
But there were other entries too. Ones I'd hoped no one would ever read.
I turned to look at her in the darkness. Her back was turned to me.
"Eva?" I whispered.
She didn't respond.
"I know you're awake."
Still nothing.
"Whatever you read in that diary, you need to understand I was a different person then. I'm trying to be better now. For you."
She finally spoke, her voice barely audible. "Were you really different? Or were you the same person you are now?"
The question cut deep.
"What do you mean?"
"You can be so gentle one moment. And you become someone else another moment." She turned to face me. "Which one is the real you?"
I didn't know how to answer that.
Because the truth was, both were real. The gentle Rafael who loved Eva with all his heart. And the monster who did terrible things to protect what was his.
"I'm both," I admitted. "I've always been both."
"That's what scares me," she whispered.
We lay in silence for a long time.
And finally, she spoke again. "Rafael, can I ask you something?"
"Anything." I whispered.
"Do you love me? Or do you love Eva?"
The question hung in the air.
"You are Eva," I said.
"That's not what I asked." She looked at me. "If I never remember being Eva. If I stay as Flora forever. Would you still love me?"
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to promise her that I'd love her no matter what.
But I couldn't.
"I don't know," I admitted. "I love Eva. The woman I married. If you're not her..."
"Then I'm just a replacement." Her voice dropped.
"No. You're not a replacement. You have her DNA. Her face…"
"But not her soul." She turned away from me. "I'm like an empty shell that looks like her but isn't her."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it?" Her voice was bitter. "You're trying to fill the shell with her memories, her personality, her love for you. But what if it doesn't work? What if I can never be her?"
I had no answer.
She pulled the covers tighter around herself. "Goodnight, Rafael."
The dismissal was clear.
I lay back and stared at the ceiling.
Something had definitely changed tonight. She'd found something in that diary that made her question everything.
And I had a terrible feeling that things were about to get much worse before they got better.
My phone buzzed on the nightstand. I picked it up quietly.
A message from Marco. He had apologized, saying he had nowhere to go and he won't involve himself in Eva's matter anymore.
"Boss, we have a problem. Isabella is planning something. My sources say she's meeting with authorities tomorrow. You need to be careful."
I typed back. "Keep me informed."
I set the phone down and closed my eyes.
Everything was falling apart.
And I didn't know how to stop it.