37. You're a coward.

**Octavius**

I have no idea how long it took for Ocean to calm down. All I could do was hold her and whisper sweet nothings until she fell asleep. However, the slumber didn't last long. Ocean woke up screaming, crying, and clung to me for her dear life.

Whatever had happened in the bedroom was becoming her worst nightmare, and no matter what I did, I couldn't help her deal with it. If Kieran were around, I'd lose my hands and head just because I tried to comfort Ocean.

It's been a few hours since Ocean woke up from the nightmare. I dragged her into the living room, lit the fire in the fireplace and sent the servants upstairs to clean up the mess.

"W-what's happening to me, Octavius?" She stutters, pulling her knees to her chest.

I never thought I could feel actual pain while watching someone suffer. If anything, I intended to do so many terrible things to this woman that even the Devil himself would pale in comparison to what I've done. Yet, at this point, seeing her so weak and broken, I can't even think of hurting her.

Even though I don't need the damn oxygen, I take a deep breath and pull her trembling body closer to me. "I'm not sure, darling," I lie.

It would be easier if I told this woman the truth, but it's not my story to tell.

Ocean has been through hell and back. No, fuck it, she crawled down into the abyss of hell and fought her way back up. Another hit below the belt is unnecessary.

Besides, since we took her in, Kieran changed. I didn't think anything, or anyone, could make him change his ways, but with Ocean, he's a brand new person. Kieran's gentle and attentive, or in other words- everything he never was.

If she finds out who she is and how the vampires got their claws in her, Ocean wouldn't forgive us.

My own feelings suffocate me. I hate and love Kieran the same as Ocean, and though I've wished nothing but pain and suffering for both of them for the past few weeks- today, I wish I could take my thoughts back.

There must be a reason why everyone always warns others to be careful what they wish for because one day they might get it. Perhaps this is my karma.

"If anyone, it's you who should know what's wrong with me. Did I... Did I get like this because Kieran bit me? Octavius, please don't keep the truth from me; I can take it," the desperation in her voice could break my heart if it were still beating today.

How does one come clean with someone about their mistakes and wrongdoings? I could, I know I could, but she's in such a vulnerable state that I doubt Ocean will take it as bravely as she claims.

The tighter she clings to me, the higher my nerves jump. At this point, it doesn't matter what I say as long as it's the truth- she's the one who's left broken.

I'm scared of breaking her beyond repair, and unfortunately, once she learns the truth, that's precisely what will happen.

I close my eyes and silently count to ten, wishing I had enough time to sit here and count until I lose track of time. And there I was, an immortal creature thinking time wasn't a limit for me. Yet I reached a point where my chest tightens so painfully that I'm nearly certain I'm running out of time.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm so sorry, but this isn't my story to tell, darling," I add.

It's not like I told a lie; I just avoided telling the whole truth. God, I wish Kieran would appear out of nowhere and tell her everything himself.

"I don't care whose story it is to tell, for as long as I take part in it, I deserve to know. Octavius, I won't blame you, I promise. Besides, if you were to tell me the truth, the only response I would give you is more respect than ever before. I value honesty above everything, and I wish you could see how much it means to me. Please, I've already lost Kieran; all I have left is you. You're the only one who has the answers I so desperately need." Ocean's grip on me tightens, and for a brief moment, I almost feel pain from the strength she's forcing in the hold. If this were truly painful, I'm sure it's not nearly as great as the one her following words make me feel. "Octavius, I'm begging you." Ocean whispers.

Now, at this very moment, I have to make possibly the most important decision of my life. It doesn't matter if I say something or stay silent- either way, one of them gets hurt.

The truth will destroy Ocean and the relationship she has with my brother. Silence will save their bond for a brief moment and, again, shatter Ocean. However, if I allow myself to speak up, I'll hurt my brother, the man I love, as much as I hurt her.

For fuck's sake, why did Kieran have to go missing and leave me behind to pick up the pieces? Why couldn't the Elite send me away instead of him? If it were me who went missing, their relationship wouldn't change, and I doubt anyone would miss me as much as him.

"If I tell you everything you want to know, it'll leave a negative effect on the relationship between you and my brother. I have to be honest- I envy what you both have, but I don't want to be the cause of the downfall. It's best if we try to get over what happened today and wait until Kieran comes back." After another excuse passes my lips, Ocean lets go of me and scoots away from me.

Darn it; I didn't ask for her to put distance between us. If anything, I wanted her to stay, bathe in the warmth of her body and lose myself in the illusion of life. Of being alive again.

"And the consequences you fear today won't come if Kieran tells me, right? Is it really that you want him to tell the story, or are you afraid? I'm not asking about the relationship or the friendship; I'm asking about your feelings. You think Kieran would hate you if you told me, don't you?" Ocean speaks while her eyes focus on the fire.

She looks even more beautiful in the darkness of the room and the dim light of the flames.

Perhaps the sole issue is closer than I thought. Maybe it's me and the conflicting things I feel. One day I can't stand Kieran and Ocean, but the next day I'm falling madly in love with them. What if I'm the third wheel in this insane play?

I pinch the bridge of my nose, groan and jump to my feet. I can't stop pacing the living room while Ocean won't look away from the fireplace.

The sudden panic attack and her demeanour change push me over the edge. I stop in my tracks and speak up, "I don't know, okay? If he told you himself, at least no one can accuse me of another mistake. And yes, damn it, you're right- he would fucking hate me. From the bottom of his dead damn heart. Happy?" I all but shout at the top of my lungs.

My body is shaking, my hands are clenched into fists, and my insides are twisting - if that's even possible.

I never thought that coming clean with someone, let alone a human being, could be so damn painful, so damn devastating.

Fat too fast for a human, Ocean jumps to her feet, stomps toward me and jabs her finger into my chest as she screams, "Coward! You're a coward, Octavius! A damn vampire who's terrified to speak the truth? For years, not one good thought about vampires has crossed my mind until I met Kieran and you." She grabs the sides of her head and shakes it. After a moment of silence, her shoulders slump and Ocean whispers, "But today... Today you're changing my mind. Once again, someone has managed to open my eyes. You'd rather live in a web of lies and delusions than face the consequences of your own actions. You make me sick."

Her words sting. I'd be okay if she yelled at me, hit me, slapped me or attacked me as she sees fit. But the broken look on her face, coupled with words that are no louder than a whisper, hit me where it hurts the most.

I'll regret what I'm about to do, but there's no other way out of this mess. Not for her and me. I have to tell her the truth.

I grab Ocean's shoulders, pull her to my chest and lean in to hide my face in the crook of her neck. Though she resists my grip, her scent soothes me now that it's mixed with the scent of my brother. "I'll tell you everything," I whisper.

As soon as Ocean stops struggling against me, another wave of tears escapes her eyes. She buries her face against my chest until the moment is over, but we don't let go of each other even minutes after she has stopped crying.

"You'll hate me, and you'll hate Kieran when the truth surfaces," I whisper, wrapping my arms around her waist.

The only thing I fear is her possible attempt to escape after she hears me out. But then again, I have no right to stop her. The last thing I can do is be honest and hope she takes time to think instead of acting on emotion.

"Let's sit down. No, you sit, and I'll speak; it'll be easier," I suggest.

Ocean nods and lets go of me, instantly complying with my words. She takes the same seat on the couch and looks up at me, anxiously shifting in her seat.

I wish I could muster the courage as humans do- just a few deeper breaths, lungs full of oxygen, and the words gush out like an unstoppable waterfall.

But to my displeasure, that isn't the case with the undead. I have no heart to tell me if I'm doing the right thing, so I have to rely on my senses. All that stops me is my fear of the unknown and my mind.

"Do you remember how you ended up with Melody?" I blurt out possibly the most difficult question. The fucking icebreaker.

Ocean thinks for a moment and shakes her head. Damn it; it'd be easier if she asked questions or voiced the answer.

I take a deep breath to appear more human. "You were sold to her before Melody decided to auction you off as premium goods." The words spill over my lips with such ease that even I'm taken aback.

Holy cow, why is it so easy for me to say that when just a few minutes ago I felt like I was growing a beating heart and letting Ocean stomp on it?

Ocean's eyes widen in surprise. I count the seconds of her silence until they turn into minutes, and she processes the new information. The first change on her face is the frown, the look of pure confusion, and finally, she arches an eyebrow questioningly.

"So," Ocean breathes out and captures her lower lip between her teeth. God damn it, another moment of silence- she's making this harder than it needs to be. "Who sold me? And why?"

I turn my back on her because I can't meet her eyes anymore. A deep sense of shame and regret comes over me as I look down at my feet and tell her the truth: "First of all, why? Because you're special, Ocean. You're not the top rank human as you were sold; you're so much more. The reason behind the purity of your blood and abilities is that you're a Daywalker. I explained what those are and where they can be found once you first moved here, remember?"

"So I'm some kind of vampire?" Ocean hums. Strangely, she shows no signs of frustration or anger. At least not so far.

"Yes." I chose a one-word answer, hoping she would realise how much I don't want this conversation to touch more than the surface of our problem. I wish she wouldn't dig any deeper.

"That's why I attacked the woman in the bedroom?" She asks, somehow managing to make her words sound more like a statement than a question.

I clench my hands into fists and answer, fully aware she'll expect any response. "Yes and no."

"What do you mean?" Fuck, here we go- digging deeper, closer to the dangerous territory.

I have no idea how much I'm risking, but I claimed I'd tell her the truth, and I try to be the man who won't go back on his words. "There's a chance that you wouldn't feel thirst if Kieran hadn't marked you as his, if he hadn't chosen you as his one and only. If he were feeding on you, nothing would change, but since the two of you are connected, and he's ancient... your senses kicked in, and so has your hunger."

"Okay, that's a lot to process." I can hear her shifting in her seat. For a brief moment, I hope Ocean is satisfied with my answers, but my world comes crashing down as she gasps. "But wait! How did Melody get me? Who sold me to that monster?"

"We did. Kieran and I did." I force the words through clenched teeth because if I don't voice the truth now, I won't build up enough courage to repeat this conversation.

"I... I think I need to lie down," Ocean stutters, getting up from the couch.

Once I hear the first step she takes away from the piece of furniture, I turn around and call after her, "That's for the best. We can talk more when you have rested a bit, and I'll explain more. Please, don't make any rash decisions and don't hate us just yet, because there's much more to the story than just a few words. Don't think Kieran is the villain before you learn the whole truth. If you want to blame someone, blame me."

"Thank you, Octavius," Ocean whispers and leaves the living room.

I approach the couch and plop down on it. I may have made the biggest mistake of my life, but I couldn't keep this secret any longer. Well, maybe I could, but the look on her face broke any resistance I had in me.

The wildest thoughts flash through my mind as I stare aimlessly at the ceiling. Kieran will hate me; if he didn't before now, he will when he finds out how much I've told his woman.

But what was I supposed to do? Let her break down over and over again? Let her hate him and me just because I'd be too cowardly to be honest with her?

I have no idea how much time I spend on the couch, and right now, I don't feel like I'm running out of any, so I'll waste even the eternity if I want to.

Part of me still wants to rush upstairs and check on Ocean, but the sensible part understands she needs time and privacy.

I nearly give in to the need to find Ocean and provide the much-needed comfort, but the sound of sirens startles me. Without thinking, I jump up from the couch and run to the main entrance of the mansion. I yank open the door and watch the chaos unfold before my eyes- troops running through the streets, screaming vampires and humans seeking shelter, countless lifeless bodies shattered around, and buildings going up in flames.

"Find Ocean and bring her to me!" I scream as I feel a presence behind me.

Whoever tried to approach the door runs away as some servants throw questions at me. I instruct everyone to hide on the lower floor of the mansion, Kieran and I built it for emergencies, and this has to be one.

I can't take a step away from the door; all I can do is stand and watch. If it weren't for Ocean, I'd walk right out the door and defend my home in a heartbeat. The situation is terrible as it is, but when a hand lands on my shoulder, it becomes my worst nightmare. "Miss Ocean, she's gone."