Chapter 295 I Must Remember Those Things
Alexander quickly arranged the surgery.
Mark and David stayed with him, signing through the consent forms page by page.
Just before he was about to be wheeled into the operating room, Mark tried one last time to stop him.
"Sir, please reconsider... The doctor said the success rate isn't one hundred percent. What if... what if..."
Alexander still shook his head, his expression unwavering. "There's no 'what if.' I have to remember. Mark, this is my decision. Stop trying to talk me out of it."
Mark looked at him, opened his mouth, but in the end said nothing. He just nodded heavily.
Mark pushed the hospital bed, taking him to the operating room entrance.
The heavy door slowly opened, then closed before their eyes. Mark shut his eyes, his hands clenched into fists.
Mark prayed silently in his heart, in every way he could think of, hoping Alexander would come out safely, and hoping he could bear whatever he was about to remember.
As the anesthetic went in, Alexander felt his consciousness sink, his grip on his body loosening bit by bit. The last thing he saw was the blurred faces of doctors and nurses, then the world fell completely blank.
He didn't know how much time passed.
In that seemingly endless void, he first heard intermittent sounds—people talking, the monitor beeping rhythmically.
Then came the pain.
A dull ache came from his head. The surgery was over. The anesthesia was wearing off, sensation returning to his limbs bit by bit.
Along with his returning consciousness came those locked-away memories, flooding back in an almost brutal way.
Alexander curled up on the bed in Caroline's small room, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. He clenched his jaw until it ached, cold sweat pouring out in waves, quickly soaking through his thin pajamas.
His stomach churned violently, nausea making him want to vomit, but nothing came out.
Worse was the itching and pain under his skin, like his nerves were being scraped over and over, making him want to tear himself apart. At the same time, a hollow feeling, anxiety, and despair surged from deep in his chest, as if someone had turned off all the lights in his world, leaving only unbearable torment.
The addiction was flaring up again.
He couldn't remember how many times this had happened. Ever since Linus had tricked him into getting hooked on that stuff, this feeling would come back every so often, like an incurable disease that kept relapsing.
He finally understood that leaving a professional medical environment and forced intervention, relying on willpower alone was basically useless. Each episode was worse than the last, longer, and more like being slowly crushed.
He kept the pain in his throat, biting down hard, not letting himself make too much noise.
In the next room slept the girl who had dragged him back from that filthy corner under the bridge. She'd given him a place to shelter from the wind and rain—she'd already done enough. He couldn't wake her, couldn't let her see him like this.
But the pain gave him no choice.
His body felt like it was burning, then like it had been thrown into ice water. Extreme heat and extreme cold took turns attacking him, emptiness and sharp pain running parallel.
He suddenly opened his mouth and shoved his own wrist between his teeth, biting down with all his strength.
He still couldn't hold back—a muffled whimper escaped.
The next second, the bedroom door was pushed open.
Caroline stood barefoot in the doorway, still drowsy. When she saw the violently trembling figure on the bed, her sleepiness vanished instantly.
She rushed to the bedside.
"Alexander?" She reached out to touch him, but afraid of triggering him, her hand stopped mid-air.
In his intense pain, he vaguely sensed her approaching. He jerked his face away, curling up tighter.
"Go... go away... don't come closer... don't look..."
He felt too pathetic, too ugly—he didn't want her to see.
Caroline didn't leave.
Her eyes fell on his bloodied wrist, her gaze suddenly tightening. She took a breath, didn't hesitate, turned and ran to the crude wooden shelf in the corner, frantically searching.
Soon, she ran back with a small medical kit.
She knelt by the bed, carefully cleaning the wound on his wrist with a cotton swab soaked in disinfectant.
"Hang in there..." Her voice was very soft, as if trying to pull him back from the edge of collapse.
When the disinfectant touched the wound, it brought a sharp sting. Strangely, this sting didn't push Alexander toward deeper agitation, but instead seemed to yank him back to reality, making him briefly a bit calmer.
After Caroline cleaned the wound bit by bit, she reached out and gently placed her hand on his trembling back.
"It's okay... it's okay..." she repeated softly. "It'll pass. Just get through it. I'm here, I'm with you..."
Her other hand hesitated, then finally moved up too, clumsily half-embracing him, as if trying to use her own warmth to shield him from some of the invisible pain.
Alexander was still shaking, the waves of impact getting stronger each time.
But the warmth pressed against him did pull his nearly severed reason back a little.
He clenched his jaw, and in that boundless pain, finally grabbed onto something he could hold.
Time stretched long in the torment.
Caroline kept kneeling there. Her arms gradually went numb and sore, her knees hurt from the rough floor, her bare feet on the cold ground, the chill climbing up from her soles.
She still didn't move.
She just occasionally adjusted her arm position to let him lean more comfortably, and from time to time wiped the sweat from his forehead. She kept repeating the same words: "I'm here. I'm here."
After who knows how long, the sky began to brighten.
The terrifying trembling in Alexander's body finally gradually subsided. His body, tense to the limit, suddenly seemed drained of strength and went limp.
The worst of it ebbed for a moment.
Feeling him relax, Caroline finally let out a long breath.
Her arms were stiff and numb. She could only slowly pull them back, working her sore shoulders and knees, then slowly standing up.
"Don't move yet. Let me wipe you down, okay?"
Alexander stared at her blankly, unable to process what she was saying for a moment.
Not until she turned as if to leave the bedroom did he suddenly react.
He sat up abruptly and grabbed her wrist.
"Don't... don't go..."