106 - Eyes on you

Short-ass, get me a roasted taro. Mem'ryin' that despair is hollowin' me out.

Now backtrackin' up to the Kohala grazin' pastures, the mist slid b'low us an' southly rose Mauna Kea from that ocean o' cloud, clear'n'close 'nuff to spit at so it seemed, so I did, yay, I spitted hard. My soul may be stoned an' my luck may be rotted but I can still cuss a cuss. From each o' the Nine Folded Valleys black cobras o' smoke was risin' an' ev'ry carrion wing- er'n'legger on Big I was crawk-in'n'feastin' in our Valleys that mornin' I reck'ned. Up in the pastures we finded goats scattered, some o' mine, some from Kaima, but we din't see not one goatherd, nay. I milked some, an' we drank the last free Valleysman's goat milk. Thru Vert'bry Pass we downed t'ward Thumb Rock, where Meronym'd sketched her map five moons b'fore, yay, over the heathery turf what'd cupped Roses under me six moons b'fore. Sun steamed the mist'n'dew away, an' thru a fine-weaved rainbow I seen the school'ry was razed, yay, jus' a black shell now, the last books an' the last clock. Down we rode to Elepaio Stream, where I got off an' Meronym helmeted up an' loosely roped my hands so if we was spied it'd look like she'd slaved a 'scaped run'way an' maybe win us a lethal beat. Down the track we walked this way to Cluny's, what was the highest dwellin' upgulch. Meronym dismounted an' gripped her shooter as we creeped hushly as mouses thru the buildin's, but my heart weren't hushly nay A big knuckly'd happened there an' gear was crashed'n'busted, but no bodies was lyin' round, nay. We taked some fresh grinds for the journey ahead, I knowed Cluny'd not o' minded. Leavin' Cluny's front gate I spied a cokeynut spikered on a stained pole with flies buzzin' what was wyrd'n'unnat'ral, so we peered closer an' it weren't no cokeynut, nay, it was Macca Cluny's head, yay, with his pipe still poked in his mouth.

Such barb'ric buggahs are them painted Kona, bros. You trust one once you're a dead man, b'lief me. Macca's head gived me furyin' nervies as we trekked further down to Bailey's Dwellin'.

A pail o' curdlin' goat milk stood in the milk'ry an' I cudn't stop 'maginin' Sussy bein' dragged away from that upbusted milkin' stool an' what'd been done to her, oh, my poor'n'sweet'n'dear sis. A possy o' hoofs stamped the yard mud. Goats was all shooed away, our chicklin's thiefed. So hush. No loom clackin', no Catkin singin', no Jonas makin' nothin'. The stream an' a laughin' thrush in the eaves an' nothin' else. No horrorsome sight on the ga- tepost, I thanked Sonmi for that much. Inside, eggs'n'apricocks was spilled from the upturned table. Ev'ry room I was dreadin' what I'd find but, nay, by the grace o' Sonmi it seemed my fam'ly'd not been slayed yet …

Guilt an' sorrow whacked me.

Guilt 'cos I always s'vived an' 'scaped despite my dirtsome'n'stony soul. Sorrow 'cos the ruins o' my busted old life was strewed here 'n'ther- e'n'ev'rywhere. Jonas's toys what Pa'd whittled years ago. Ma's loomwork hangin' in the doorways, swayin' in the last o' summer's soft breathin'. Burnt fish an' blissweed hanged in the air. Catkin's writin' work for school'ry still lied on the table where she was workin'. Din't know what to think or say or what. What do I do? I asked my friend as I asked me. What do I do?

Meronym sat on a wood box Jonas'd made, what Ma'd called his first masterwork. A bleaksome'n'dark choice to settle, Zachry, she replied.Stay in the Valleys till you're slaved. 'Scape to Hilo an' stay till the Kona attack an' be killed or slaved. Live in backwilds as a hermit bandit till you're catched. Cross the straits to Maui with me an' prob'ly never return to Big I no more. Yay, that was my all choices, no frettin', but I cudn't settle one, all I knowed was that I din't want to run away from Big I without vengeancin' what'd happened here.

This ain't the safest place to sit'n'think, Zachry, said Meronym, so tender- some that fin'ly my tears oozed out.

Mountin' the horse to leave back upgulch, I mem'ried my fam'ly's icons in our shrine. Now, if I left 'em there to be axed by'n'by for firewood there'd be nothin' to proof the Bailey's Dwellin' kin'd ever existed. So back I ran alone to get 'em. Comin' back down the passage, I heard crock'ry fall off the pantry shelf. I freezed.

Slowsome I turned an' looked.

A fat rat strutted there, stink-eyein' me an' twitchin' its whisk'ry nose. Bet you're sorryin' you din't jus' cut that rope on the wall o' my 'closure now, Zachry, yay? All this woe'n'grief you could o' voided.

I din't list'n to that liar's liar. The Kona'd o' attacked anyhow, yay, it weren't nothin' to do with me defyin' that Dev'lish Buggah. I picked up a pot to hurl at Old Georgie, but when I taked aim the fat rat'd dis'peared, yay, an' from the empty room to my left came a breezy sighin' from the bed where I din't see b'fore. I should o' jus' rabbited, yay, I knowed it but I din't, I tippytoed in an' seen a Kona sentry lyin' there in a soft nest o' blankies an' skankin' deep on Mormon Valley blissweed. See, he'd been so sure us Val- leysmen was all rolled over'n'slaved that he'd blissed out, on duty.

So here was the fearsome en'my. Nineteen– twenty maybe he was. A vein pulsed in his Alessio's apple what was left white b'tween two lizardy tattoos. You found me, yay, so slit me, whisped that throat. Blade me.

My second augurin', you'll be mem'ryin' an', yay, so was I. Enemy's sleeping, let his throat be not slit. This was the beat that augurin'd foreseen, no frettin'. I say-soed my hand'n'arm to do it, but they was locked'n'springed somehow. I'd been in knucklies 'nuff, who ain't? but I'd never killed no un b'fore. See, murderin' was forbidded by Valleysmen law, yay, if you stole another's life no un'd barter nothin' with you nor see you nor nothin' 'cos your soul was so poisoned you may give 'em a sick- ness. Anyhow I stood there, by my own bed, my blade inches from that soft, pale throat.

That laughin' thrush was yarnin' fast'n'loud. Bird lilts sound like blades bein' sharp'ned, I cogged for the first time there'n'then. I knowed why I shudn't kill this Kona. It'd not give the Valleys back to the Valleysmen. It'd stony my cussed soul. If I'd been rebirthed a Kona in this life, he could be me an' I'd be killin' myself. If Alessio'd been, say, adopted an' made Kona, this'd be my brother I was killin'. Old Georgie wanted me to kill him. Weren't these reasons 'nuff jus' to leave him be an' hushly creep away?

Nay, I answered my en'my, an' I stroked my blade thru his throat. Magicky ruby welled'n'pumped an' frothed on the fleece an' puddled on the stone floor. I wiped my blade clean on the dead un's shirt. I knowed I'd be payin' for it by'n'by, but like I said a while back, in our busted world the right thing ain't always possible.

Goin' out I bumped Meronym rushin' in. Kona! she hissed. There weren't no time to 'splain what I'd done in there an' why. Hurryin', I stuffed my fam'ly's icons in the saddlebags, an' she hoicked me on the horse. Comin' up the track from Aunt Bees's was three– four horses cloppin'. Oh, we speeded out o' Bailey's for the final time like Old Georgie was bitin' our asses. I heard men's voices b'hind an' glanced back an' even saw their ar- mor glintin' thru the fig orchards, but by Mercysome Sonmi, they din't see us vanishin'. One beat later we heard a shrill conchin's echo up the Valley, yay, three blasts it was, an' I knowed the Kona must o' found that sentry I'd slayed an' was sendin' an alarm out, Valleysmen ain't all slaved or mass'kered. I knowed I'd be payin' for ignorin' the second augurin' sooner'n I'd gambled, yay, an' Meronym too.

But our luck din't yet wilt. Other conchin's answered the first, yay, but they was downgulch an' we galloped back thru Vert'bry Pass anxin' but we was- n't ambushed. One whoah narrow escape it was, yay, one more beat at my dwellin' an' them Kona horsemen'd o' seen an' chased us. Avoidin' the open Kohala Ridge'n'pastures, we skirted the forest for camo, an' only then did I 'fess to Meronym what I'd done back to that sleepin' sentry. I don't know why it is, but secrets jus' rot you like teeth if you don't yank 'em out. She just list'ned, yay, an' she din't judge me none.