Chapter 17

(Brianna)

“INGRAM had to leave for a while. He and Erasmus had something important to do. It was an emergency that’s why he wasn’t able to tell you about it,” Kiara told me after I went out of the master bedroom to search for Ingram.

And here I thought we could visit Mama together. I tried to smile to hide my disappointment. I only feel brave when I’m with Ingram. Now that he wouldn’t be around, I’m having second thoughts to face my mother.

It seems that Kiara was able to read my mind. She smiled as if she was trying to comfort me. Just like me, she was all dressed up, too.

“I can go with you… if you want. I may not be Ingram, but you can depend on me. He asked me to take care of you. He’s still my master.” She shrugged. “I need to follow his orders; otherwise, he’ll kick me out of this mansion. I don’t have the money and resources to buy a house as big as this. Ingram had always been capable and smart unlike me. That’s why he’s this rich. He had businesses and properties in different countries so have pity on me and don’t make him throw me away.”

Somehow, I felt better hearing Kiara joke around with that same serious expression of hers. I smiled genuinely. “I’ll be meeting my terrorist mother. It would really help if I’ll have someone by my side as she throws fire balls at me.”

My smile faded at the thought. Can I really fix my relationship with my mother before I die?

Kiara opened her mouth to say something, but she stopped right away and glanced around. Her brows furrowed before closing her eyes. She froze for a second before opening her eyes again. “We’re safe. It’s another mortal.”

My forehead creased. “What do you mean?”

Kiara didn’t answer. When the doorbell rang, she disappeared. She returned after a minute. But she was not alone anymore. Standing behind her was… Stella.

“I’ll leave you two for a while. I’ll just be around,” Kiara whispered. “I’m sorry. I can sense the tension between the two of you, but I had to let her in. It’ll be dangerous for her if she stays outside.”

I wasn’t able to ask anymore because Kiara went back to her room. I wasn’t surprised that Stella was able to find me. I told my landlady about my address if anyone from my friends or family would search for me.

“Have a seat,” I politely said.

“No, thanks,” Stella glanced around. “I came here for your boyfriend anyway. Where is he?”

My eyes narrowed. Good thing Ingram wasn’t here today. I have to hide him from Stella’s claws. “What are you up to this time, Stella? Why are you looking for Ingram? He doesn’t even know you.”

“Relax. Is it wrong to get to know my sister’s new boyfriend?” Stella smiled sweetly. “I just want to talk to him. I’ll invite him for a cup of coffee, perhaps? And then—”

“Do you even know what you’re saying? For crying out loud, you’re a married woman now, Stella!” If not for the baby in her womb, I’d shake her shoulders to wake her up. When I found out she was pregnant, I chose to remain silent for the baby’s sake. But not today when Ingram was involved. My chest tightened from anger. “What do you really want?”

“I want you to be angry! I want you to tell me everything you’ve been keeping inside your heart!” she screamed and pointed my chest. “I want us to fight!”

I stood up. Was she possessed or something? I didn’t understand her. “What in the world is your problem? Why do you hate me so much?”

“Because it was so easy for you to get everybody’s love and attention! You don’t even have to exert any effort while I have to work so damn hard for someone to notice me!” Stella sat on the couch, looking exhausted. Her eyes watered. Her nose and cheeks became red. “You stole everything from me from the moment you came into my life. Mama even needed to beg Papa just so she could take you in Manila.”

I was stunned.

“I heard them talk before. I remembered how Mama kneeled in front of Papa. She said she wanted to take care of her older daughter as well. But Papa said he’d only allow you to live with us if Mama would treat you indifferently. He made it clear that he couldn’t accept you. Because when Mama found out that your father died, only then did she confess that she had a daughter in Baguio. Papa was furious but he loved Mama so much that he forgave her.

“Papa thought it was too much when Mama asked him to let you live with us. But Mama agreed to his conditions. That’s how much she wanted to keep you by her side. And when I saw you,” Stella’s voice hardened. “That’s when I found out that you’re the person in the picture that Mama often looks at. It was your baby picture. Every occasion, she had gifts for you that she secretly stored in the basement. But she was afraid to give it to you knowing that Papa might catch her. I always caught her looking at you, smiling so proudly at you. I was so mad when you came. I felt like you stole Mama away from me. She never looked at me the way she looks at you.”

“Stella…” was all I could say. This was more than a revelation.

“No, let me finish first. I need to let this out for Mama’s sake,” her voice broke. “You also caught Papa’s attention. You always excel while I don’t. He even left you a company share but I stopped Uncle Ronan from saying that when he read Papa’s last will.” Ronan was their family lawyer. “I had to bribe him. I was that insecure. You always shine, Brianna. I also envied the men who courted you. They were always the good ones. And I stole them from you because that was my way of getting back at you for stealing Mama and Papa from me.

“I wanted you to feel what I felt.” Stella’s eyes were now flooded with tears. “Until I met Kristoff. I really do love him, Brianna. But until now, I’m still competing against you for a place in his heart. Every day, I struggle to make our marriage work. But every day, I feel all the more jealous of you. Why do you always stand out? You were able to quickly find a man who looks at you the way Kristoff did. Why is it always so easy for you to make them love you while I have to always work hard for it?”

Tears shimmered in my eyes. “Oh, God…”

“And then two days ago, I found out Mama’s other secret. That’s when it hit me. I’ve thought about what I should do. I just knew I had to do something that’s why I resorted to this. You can curse me now, Brianna. Let’s fight now. Slap me if you want. But I will have to slap you back to avenge my soul at least. But after this, let’s fix our situation, Brianna. Because Mama…” she wept. “Is sick. And she badly needs you right now.”

I WAS unsure of what to do after stepping inside Mama’s room. This was my first time coming here. After her husband died, I wanted to visit her many times to see how she’s faring. I wanted to comfort her because I knew she was hurt. But I wasn’t able to do it.

When it comes to Mama, I always feel like a sixteen-year-old girl who was always craving for her attention but was a coward at the same time. I covered my mouth with my hands to stop myself from weeping when I saw her sleeping peacefully.

I still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that she was sick. Stella went with me to Mama’s mansion along with Kiara. I don’t know what to feel. A part of me was happy that I finally got to fix my relationship with my sister after a long time but a bigger part of me was grieving knowing that this had to happen to Mama first before we patch things up.

I’ve yearned for a family for so long that when Stella asked for forgiveness, I gave it to her right there and then. I also apologized. We talked a lot in the car and tried to catch up with each other.

I slowly walked towards my mother’s bed.

“Mama has terminal cancer. I only found out about it the other day. She intentionally kept it from us,” I remembered Stella saying. “I knew she was weaker even before the wedding. I also noticed that she’s been talking to our family lawyer frequently. She doesn’t go to work anymore. The Vice President of the Company is the one managing it for the meantime. And just two days ago, the maids called me and told me that Mama fainted. They brought her to the hospital. That was when the doctor told me about her illness.”

Stella snuffled. “She didn’t want to tell you about it. She said that you’re just beginning to be happy again and she didn’t want to destroy that by telling you the truth. But I couldn’t stop myself so here I am.”

Mama had lung cancer, but the cancer cells had already spread to her bones and the doctor couldn’t do anything about it anymore. According to Stella, when Mama woke up in the hospital, she insisted on going back to the mansion. She refused to accept any treatments believing that they wouldn’t work anyway.

“T-the doctor said she only has a limited period of time. It could be w-weeks to several m-months. And I don’t know what to do anymore, Brianna.”

I sat on the stool beside Mama’s bed. She’s been in and out of the hospital many times and I wasn’t even aware of it. I noticed that she became thin the day she came to my apartment to talk to me about Stella’s wedding, but I refused to pay too much attention over it because I’ve been too focused by my own pain.

My tears fell as I reached for her hand. “I’m sorry, Ma,” I whispered and softly kissed her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“What for?”

I was startled when she suddenly talked. She opened her eyes slowly and gave me a faint smile. “I’ve been awake for quite some time now. I just had to pretend to be sleeping when you came in because I didn’t know how to face you,” she shook her head. “Stella really don’t know how to listen. I told her not to tell you but—”

“I love you, Ma.”

Lourdes was stunned.

“I’ve always thought of myself as nobody’s girl after Papa died. I was happy when you took me with you. But that happiness disappeared overtime. We live in the same house, but I never felt that I belonged here. This house has never been a home to me. Still, I tried to stay for a couple of years because it had always been my dream to be with you. And I didn’t want to just give up on that dream.”

Lourdes sat on the bed and stroke my cheek. “I’m sorry—”

“You don't have to. Stella already explained everything to me. But why… why did this have to happen before we could talk like this, Ma? We’ve wasted so much time.”

“When Fidel died, I thought I’d finally have the chance to become a mother to you. But I was wrong. I didn’t know how to win your heart anymore. Every time you look at me with pain in your eyes, I take a step back until I’ve gotten used to doing that.” Her shoulders shook as she wept. “Not to mention that you and Stella don’t get along. I felt stuck in between. I tried talking to her several times, but she just wouldn’t listen to me.

“Forgive me, Brianna. I didn’t know how to become a proper mother for you. I also didn’t want to hurt you when I said those things about Stella and Kristoff.” she embraced me tightly. “I refused to take sides. I love you and Stella equally. I just wanted us to be complete on her wedding day. That was foolish. I know that now. And I’m so sorry. I tried to come back for you when you were still in Baguio. But your father and his relatives pushed me away. I tried to explain why I had to leave back then but they never listened. They were furious because I left your father to find a better job in the City. I came back many times, but they didn’t let me see you.”

I breathed heavily. I didn’t know that. If only Papa listened to her back then, things would have gone differently. Why did you do that, Papa?

I wanted to question him but how? I didn’t know what they went through. Besides, who am I to judge when Papa was no longer around to explain his side?

“Why were you always so cold to me?” I asked after a while as I embraced her back. This was the first time that I felt Mama’s embrace. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of being held by her. Why am I getting the things I longed to have only now when it was already late? I’ve waited for this and I’m terrified to think that I wouldn’t get to embrace her like this longer.

“Because I couldn’t reach out to you. I guess being reserved became my way of hiding my pain. You’re hurt whenever you see me. And when I found out I was dying, I realized that nothing would change even if I approached you. I’ll die soon, anyway. Might as well die with the way things are.” She laughed but it sounded empty in my ears. “I told you I sucked as a mother.”

I held her hands. “You can’t die yet, Ma. You need to be strong because we are going to start all over again. We owe that to each other.”

She didn’t respond. She just kissed my hands as tears kept streaming down her face.