CHAPTER XII: Morning Guilt

A chill breeze went through her as she stood up to leave the house to go meet Arinze outside in his car. Her mother had arrived an hour late, confirming her speculations. Her mom actually had someone she was seeing as well, and Ese felt happy for her. That bolstered her resolve to have fun that night. She knew how well her parents loved each other and seeing her mum happy again and in love made her feel like she could and would have the same experience. "Don't feel bad or guilty about having fun tonight, my dear. Lanre would be happy knowing that you're happy as well." "Thanks mum. When I get back tomorrow, you would give me all the scoop on this your new man. I can't believe I didn't notice all this time." She said as she hugged her mom and left the house. True to her nature, Sheba was barking as she stood in front of the gate, not wanting Ese to go out. Ese was already used to the dog acting this way whenever she was about going out with Arinze, so she paid her no heed. "Move" was all she commanded, and the dog forlornly walked away to her favorite perch on the foot rug in front of the door. "That damned dog!" Arinze said to himself as he heard her barking. She always barked whenever he came to pick Ese up. If his plans worked as he was sure it would, he was going to get rid of the dogs.

They were two dogs in the house. Sheba had been pregnant with Adolph's puppies before Adolph and Lanre died that night, but she had given birth to only one puppy that looked every bit like its dad though mixed and so no new name was sought, the puppy retained his father's name which felt like the right thing to do, the dog also inherited some of its mother's smartness and all of its father's protective and territorial traits. Ese only released Adolph at nights because he was too aggressive and very territorial. If Adolph was out at this time, she was sure Arinze would have lost a limb if he'd stepped foot in her house. He had good reason not to want to come into her house Afterall. Could it be that he was scared of dogs? She thought to herself and smiled as she got to his car. Someday, she would ask him what his phobias were. Tonight wasn't about phobias, it was about pleasure.

The night went by so fast, it started with a candlelight dinner at his house and then a glass of chardonnay to help with her inhibitions, a glass led to a bottle, but Ese was still filled with guilt that Saturday morning when Arinze brought her back home. She had wanted to drown her guilt with booze because she felt she was cheating on her late husband while having sex with Arinze. Arinze did everything he'd watched in the porn videos to her, but he knew that even in her drunken state, she would never give him all of herself and he was okay with that as well. He was happy and all chirpy that morning though, because while she slept after their bouts of drunken sex, he had unlocked her phone with her fingerprint and had seen how much money she had in her various accounts domiciled in 3 different banks. This woman was way richer than he had initially thought. The castles he was building in the air took a new dimension as he started to think of new things he would do with the money once he started getting access to it. Now he had to make her love him the more, but first he needed to win her trust.

Ese went back into her room that morning, without talking to her mom and the kids. Her mom understood and smiled, she had felt the same way the first time she made love to the man she was now seeing after her husband passed but she was happy that her daughter had finally taken a big step towards moving on and being happy again. Ese locked herself in her room and cried, without even knowing why she was crying. "Ese dear, I understand how you feel." Her mum spoke soothingly from the other side of the door. "I feel so bad, mum. I thought I would be happy. I had to get drunk, so I don't back out, out of guilt." she had replied in between sobs, as she sobbed into the tissues she held to her running nose. "I know dear, I felt the exact same way with this man I am currently seeing. It only gets better from here" "Grandma, is mummy alright?" Ethel asked, wondering why her mum locked herself in the room. "Yes darling, mummy is fine. Let's go watch cartoons and drink some ice-cream. " Mrs. Osas said as she picked her granddaughter and went to the living room. She felt happy that her daughter was finally going to let herself love again. She was sure after the initial guilt of being with another man has passed, her daughter would start enjoying it and maybe decide to marry again. Ese stayed under the shower, scrubbing her body so hard like it had stains of the previous night etched over her skin. The stain was on her conscience and there was no amount of scrubbing that would change that. She dried herself, picked up her phone and dialed the number of the phone on the shelf, then she listened to the voicemail of the phone, and then ended the call. She sat at the foot of the bed, as she listened to all the voice messages her late husband had sent her over the years before his death, smiling at the memories they dredged up, then she slept soundly with her phone tucked under the pillows.