Chapter 36
Bringing himself back to the present, Reyland pursed his lips and fixed a sorrowful gaze on the she-wolf weeping silently in front of him.
Again. The second she-wolf for the day.
“If we are mated, what would that life be for you? Forget about me. What would it be like for YOU?” he pressed, softening his tone; his palms open toward Anna as he posed his questions.
“When you see those you love, how heavy would your heart be?”
“Or do you plan to build a harem? Would it be secret, or would we discuss things, like we are now, so that you have a clear conscience when you start it up?” he continued animatedly as he waved his left, then his right arm, punctuating each scenario.
“Then what would be next? If I am unable to impreg–” he pushed, his tone more insistent.
“You are not unable, Rey,” Anna whispered, the tears falling freely now as she watched him put himself down, for her sake.
He is always like this. Anna mused, her chest heavy, her breathing constricted.
He always puts everyone else in front of himself.
It’s not fair.
It’s not right.
He’s so young, but…his words are like those of an old wolf.
Like one of those stuffy, ancient elders.
Why does it have to be like this?
I am willing to marry him.
At least, I know he will never hurt me.
But he hurts HIMSELF.
Every time.
It doesn’t have to be like this.
She reflected as she wept for both of them.
Reyland sighed and leaned against the kitchen wall, no longer able to keep standing on his own. His forehead was dotted with sweat.
He gazed at Anna as she looked away.
“Look at me, Anna,” he said softly. His volume back to normal.
When she did not, he asked again, more imploringly, “Look at me.”
Anna turned to face him, clenching her teeth.
“I can't even stand for five minutes, Anna,” he breathed, his eyes clear but his voice raspy.
He swallowed.
“How can I do this to you?” Reyland pressed, his eyes imploring.
“If you reject me –” Anna protested, but Reyland jumped in, insistent.
“What I am rejecting is my father’s and mother’s wishes. Not you,” he stated firmly, yet placatingly.
“Fine! Fine!” she shot indignantly, wiping the tears from her face with a force that turned her skin red.
“What about you?” she demanded, facing Reyland squarely.
“Since you are so caring, so considerate, what about you?!” she snapped, her eyes intent as she focused on him.
“What about me?” Reyland mumbled tiredly, pushing himself off the wall and moving to a stool by the kitchen island.
He placed himself heavily on the sturdy seat, placing his large forearms on the countertop and leaning forward, putting himself at eye level with Anna.
He gazed at her evenly, waiting for her to continue.
Anna pursed her lips and wriggled her nose.
She must be smelling Marian.
But that’s only because we were skin-to-skin for a bit.
I’ve showered, but…Anna is a wolf.
He kept his expression neutral as his mind worked.
“How long will you live like this?” Anna snarled, her blue eyes flashing.
“When that she-wolf was here earlier, you were…excited by her, and now, every time I say her name, your pulse quickens,” she stated accusatorily, her eyes narrowing at him.
Reyland stared.
“Even now, I can hear your heart beating,” she spat, gesturing toward him with her palm facing upward, her eyes moving from his face to his wide chest.
“My heart is beating because of you, Anna,” he muttered; his gaze fixed on her reddening face.
“Don’t play that game with me, Reyland! I’m not some baby she-wolf you can distract with sweet words!” Anna yelled, throwing her hands up and slamming them, palms down on the table.
“Anna. I respect you. If my heart is racing right now, it’s because my cousin, my aunt, is hurting,” he responded quietly, lowering his head as he kept his eyes on her.
Fresh tears came into Anna’s eyes as she gazed at him.
He had just mentioned a small joke they shared.
Though she was his aunt, their close bond and the small age gap, along with her deep connection to the Luna, whom she saw as a mother, led them to call each other cousins privately.
The shift in his words, from cousin to aunt, whether intentional or not, was not lost on her.
She lowered her gaze to the kitchen floor.
“Your kindness…is hurtful, Reyland. Do you know that?” she replied after a moment, her voice suddenly low and soft.
“You think you’re helping me…but you may be risking my life. Mine and the lives of those you just mentioned,” she commented, her voice phlegmy.
“Alpha Dax –” she continued, but Reyland didn’t let her finish.
“Whatever my father may be. He is not a mad king,” Reyland stated confidently, leaning lower on the table as he faced her.
“What? Harm your lovers, your friends, because of me? He would never do that.”
“Harm YOU because I refused a forced marriage? If he does that, I will harm myself. He knows this,” Reyland continued calmly.
“After the last – after everything we have been through, there will be no more wars for power fought by the Lightmoon pack. Unless we must defend against an attack, there will be no internal wars and no external wars.”
“You have no need to worry about Whitehall or Lightmoon taking up arms because of this,” he coaxed.
“No one will harm you or them. Rest assured,” he stated firmly, sliding a hand toward hers as they both sat with their arms resting on the kitchen island.
He stopped just inches away, not touching her, but close enough to let her know he was there.
“You’re doing it again.” Anna sniffled.
“Wh-what?” Reyland stammered, straightening his round shoulders.
“Making this about me, about others. About anyone but you,” she replied, sniffing and rubbing her nose with her sleeve.
“But we were –” he started, and this time Anna stopped him.
“I asked you a question, Rey. How long will you live like this?” she asked quietly.
Reyland glanced away from her, his lips pursed.
The cool December air had cleared the perspiration from his forehead, but it was now building up again.
“I can help you, give you…release. If nothing else –” Anna started up, explaining her position.
“There has to be more than that, Anna,” he interrupted her in a dull tone.
“I’ve seen happiness between mates, and I’ve seen sorrow,” he continued detachedly.
“I will not live in sorrow,” he said with finality.
“But you can live alone?” she pressed, her eyes searching his averted face.
“Living alone is not the same as living in sorrow, Anna,” he replied tiredly, still looking away.
“You have so much to give, Reyland!” Anna pressed, her voice low, her tears drying on her pale face.
“No one wants what I have. Not if it’s a mate. I’ve given up on that a long time ago,” he replied hoarsely, his throat dry.
“Anyone who needs me knows where to find me. And once they are done, I can have my peace back,” he stated matter-of-factly.
Anna’s heart burned.