Chapter 23 Have You Ever Kissed A Man?

Chapter 23 Have You Ever Kissed A Man?
I followed Kian down a narrow path right behind the basketball court. His hand held mine throughout, and for some weird, stupid reason, all I could think about was the warmth of Eros's hand against mine.

The coldness of the ring he always wore on his right thumb, the dark, slim tattoo around his wrist.

I closed my eyes tight.

Knox did nothing and now... now he will be in danger because of me. But maybe I am just like Eros. I am just like whoever killed my brother because despite the fact that I know what could happen to Knox, I am still here, holding his hand.

"You are very quiet today," Knox said suddenly, turning to me. "Is everything okay?"

I forced a smile. "Just a bit tired."

"You passed out in the ring earlier. You must be tired."

I bit down on my lips. "You... you brought me back?"

He stopped walking, then turned to me. "After you passed out?"

I nodded, my eyes darting across both of his.

"No," he said, turning away to lead me down the path.

I followed, my brows furrowed at the lack of explanation behind his one word answer.

We soon got to a large opening. It was fully covered with greenery and flowers, and in the middle of it all was a small lake of beautiful, clear water.

I smiled, genuinely this time, as I covered the distance to the lake, then leaned to it.

Knox finally let go of my hand, then stepped away, removing his shoes.

"One of the treasures of Rosendale. What do you think?"

"It's beautiful," I said, pushing my hand deeper into the water. "It's perfection."

Knox laughed, pushing his shoes away. "Do you want to go in?"

I leaned back, immediately shaking my head. "No, I... I prefer to stay here."

He raised a brow, and before I could say anything else, he pulled his shirt over his head.

I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes staying on his face, even as his body begged for me to stare. I couldn't bring myself to. Not when I knew I would compare it to Eros.

I would look at Knox's back and look for the scars I saw in Eros's back. I would look for Eros's vine tattoo, and I would disappoint myself.

"I am going in," he announced, and I sat on the edge, my eyes watching him as he slowly walked into the water.

He shivered, and I broke into a laugh.

Once he was in the water, half of his body covered by it, he turned to me fully.

"Are you feeling any better?"

I nodded. "Thank you, Knox."

I meant it. Being here, where Eros's essence didn't exist... it helped me forget. Even if it was going to be for a minute, it still helped me breathe.

"I was really worried," Knox said, swimming towards me. "When you passed out, and then when I came to get you, and Eros wouldn't let me, I assuned the worst."

I smiled, nodding slowly. "I am sorry for worrying you."

He laughed, swimming a little closer. I watched as he pulled himself closer, till he was right in front of me.

I swallowed hard, my eyes catching his deep blue eyes. They were tender, pretty, almost too pretty.

Maybe if I wasn't mated, maybe if I was a carefree teenager, maybe if Eros didn't exist... Knox would be the perfect crush.

But in this less perfect world, he was a lie, and I hated it.

Slowly, he put his hand on my legs, then gently pulled me closer, till half my legs were in the water, till he was between them.

I averted my gaze, my eyes wide.

I have never been a boy before, but I knew enough to know that they do not do this. At least not as platonic friends.

"Knox."

"You are very... feminine," he said, his eyes dropping to my legs. He laughed, then looked up to me, his eyes darting across both of mine.

I swallowed hard, the cold of the water seeping through my skin, my body blazing with the irony of my betrayal.

Not only had it been a lie back then, I was watching myself cross boundaries, and letting it happen.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked, pushing away the thoughts.

Knox shook his head slowly. "No. I don't know," he laughed, moving a little closer. "I don't think I would care."

My brows furrowed, and I broke into a laugh. "What if I was a girl?"

He laughed too. It was a calm, beautiful sound, but it wasn't like Eros's. It wasn't that rich beautiful baritone I have heard only once. It wasn't that perfect alignment of teeth, enhanced by the sharp claws on each side. It wasn't the beautiful way Eros threw his head back, his Adam's apple bobbing lightly up and down, his hair falling down the nape of his neck.

"Kian."

I blinked, my eyes coming to focus on Knox. "Yes?"

He swallowed, his hand slowly resting on my thigh. "Earlier today when you passed out, it wasn't just worry."

My brows furrowed, my heart stopping for a minute. "What?"

"You passed in my arms. Eros came back and took you, and for the next few hours, it felt like I couldn't breathe."

I bit down on my lips. Eros came back to take me? I thought they just took me to his place but...

I shook my head. How could that be the only thing you register from what he said?

"Have..." he said, his voice trailing off a little. "Have you ever kissed a man?"

My lips parted. Up until a few hours ago, I would have said no and meant it.

Oh wait. I kissed Eros back in the library too.

"No," I said, my wolf fighting hard against the lies i kept stacking up. "I have never."

Knox moved forward a little, his eyes darting across both of mine. He looked so innocently uncertain, his eyes moving between my eyes and my lips, his fingers drawing nervous circles on my thighs.

I closed my eyes tight. Maybe this was it. Maybe this is how I forget Eros. Maybe this is how I let go.

Knox is... safe. Whether I was a manly man, a feminine man or a woman... he wouldn't care.

"Are you curious?" I asked, my voice low.

"No. I am not curious about... kissing a man."

I nodded, a sense of relief washing over me.

Wait. Relief?

"I am curious about kissing you, Kian."

My heart jumped into my throat, my eyes widening a little. He moved upwards, till his eyes met mine, and his hand left my thigh to cup my face.

I hated how the ghost of Eros's touch felt even stronger than the presence of Knox's.

"Are you curious about how I would taste too?"

I should say no. I should say something. Eros would kill him, and still... I knew I wouldn't love the kiss.

But I was just as desperate. I was just as needy. To get rid of Eros. Knox... he wasn't a suspect in my brother's death. He was clean. He was new.

And I let him lean in.

It was just as I expected. Safe. Clean. Slow. Not like Eros. It didn't make me want to explode into a burst of colours. It didn't make me want to crawl to his shrine and confess my sins at his feet.

He broke the kiss, his eyes fluttering open. Unlike Eros, he held his heart on his sleeve. He held his emotions in his eyes.

And I felt guilty for what I saw.

"I kind of like you, Kian," he whispered, before leaning in again.