Chapter 48
Iris
I shut my eyes while I let the cool evening breeze cascade down my skin. I was feeling cold already, but being with Gradel once again topped the cold.
I nearly slapped myself for overreacting. My act of foolishness glared right in my face and if it were possible, I'd disappear but with how Gradel kept throwing glances at me, I knew he wouldn't let me out of his sight.
"Look, I know that you have a lot to say about how I reacted, but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry. These past few days have been tough on me and when I saw that..." A pause, "It was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I just had to let it all out," I explained in a rush.
His silence was unnerving but I couldn't complain because I deserved any punishment he decided to give me.
"You don't have to apologize. I'd have done the same if I were in your shoes," He confessed after a long moment of silence.
My curiosity spiked. "Why will you do the same?"
My heart thumped hard against my chest as I awaited his response. I wished that he would tell me that he liked me, but then I'd have no choice but to reject his feelings knowing that there would always be a barrier between us.
"That's what I can't explain. Seeing that man come close to you at the club messed with my head. I couldn't stand it and I don't understand why," He murmured.
His face was hard with lines of confusion while I ached to explain his situation to him. I wanted to tell him that he didn't reject me completely and that his mind and body still recognized me as his mate, especially his wolf.
"Don't break your head about it. You'll find out soon enough," I placate him nervously.
He nodded, his eyes wistful and then he reached for my hands.
"Hazel mentioned something at the club that struck me. What's going on with you? Why have you been sad?" His voice was so calm that I was tempted to spill everything I knew.
But I wasn't sure that this was the best time to come clean. Our friendship for the past few days had been strained and anything I said to him now would cause the tiny thread that held us together to snap.
I straightened my hair with my fingers and lowered my lashes. "Don't mind her. It's nothing serious and trust me, it isn't about you." I lied.
His finger came under my chin and then he tilted my face upward to meet his eyes.
"There's no need to lie to me, Iris. Your eyes are blaring with so much gloominess and dolefulness and if you can remember, we are still mates," He reminded me. "I might not be able to share in your pain because we aren't mated, but I can sense it."
I sprang to my feet, suddenly feeling uneasy with his tenderness. Here I was trying to forget him and here he was making it impossible for me.
How could I move on when his soulful blue eyes spoke volumes of how much he cared? When his kiss did nothing but ignite the feelings of pleasure and oneness?
"Why are you doing this to me?" I muttered to myself.
"I didn't hear you,"
I wanted to wave it aside but I decided against it. It would be good if we trashed the issue now.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I reiterated and his brows furrowed in puzzlement. "You told me days back that the contract was null and void and that we didn't need to pretend anymore. So why are you here acting like a boyfriend that you're not?" My voice rose to a higher crescendo as I spoke but having the questions roll out of my tongue brought me some relief.
He shook his head and stood up as well. "If I'm being honest, I don't know. I don't understand why my heart keeps calling out to you when it's aware of my aversion to women. You are different and you are my mate and that scares the hell out of me because I don't know if I'm capable of protecting your fragile heart when I'm not even sure of my feelings..." His voice cracked, revealing his vulnerability.
We were alike in several ways. We knew what it meant to be without real parents at a young age, his was better because he experienced motherly love. Loneliness was our forte, and now we were fighting against conspicuous feelings.
"Is that why you brought up the contract and ended it? Because you are scared of hurting me?"
He inhaled deeply and stared at me. Glassy blue eyes to brown eyes. "Yes," He admitted with a low tone. "You are correct."
"Then why don't we forget about the fragility of our hearts and just enjoy the fulfilments that come with being with your mate," I suggested and he glanced at me interrogatively. "I know that I sound stupid, but the pressure to love someone wholly and perfectly is what is stopping us from exploring what we have. Who says that we have to play by the rules?"
He smirked, nodding his head in agreement. "And what do you think we have?"
"Friendship, strange feelings that we don't want to understand and finally, this hunger to always be with each other even though we keep ignoring it." I winked at him.
Boldness overwhelmed me as a tingling sensation went down my core. His eyes had switched from being sad to naughty like he wanted to devour me which I wished he wouldn't hesitate doing.
He hummed, pulling me abruptly towards himself, his arm firmly wrapped around my waist. "You talked about exploration. Are you still interested in discovering the things you don't know about?"
I inclined my head and moistened my lips, an act which I found myself getting fond of. "I do," I murmured, my blood running hot in anticipation of what was to come.
"Good," He grunted and licked my neck, causing me to moan loudly. Thankfully, only the beautiful flowers were our audience. "Because tonight is going to be about lessons and I hope you are ready to learn."