Nothing is As It Seems

Fahmeen's POV:

I ended up bringing back some game from the morning. After some resistance and bewildered looks, for the first time I worked in the palace kitchen and helped prepare dinner.

"This looks much too good." Daisy's mother gazes from over my shoulder. I really have been missing the North lately, and how close knit they were. I loved cooking in the communal kitchen and serving alongside the help. I wanted to teach my children this also. It was important to establish and keep a positive relationship with the people. Xavier taught me that.

"I worry for her."

It is her mother again. Daisy has left us both and not returned for a while. I worried too. Putting my hand on top of hers that lay on my shoulder, I say to her,

"But she is a strong woman. To this day I can't understand how she did it after Ivar." Such loss. I grieve not only for his soul, but for the cruel snatch of her future.

Her mother offers,

"Carry on?"

I turn so I can look at her and instantly remember how.

"Yes. But then I can." Her hand is very warm and soft. Much like my mother's. My mother has been holding father's hand tighter these days. As if she's afraid he'd disappear. Life is short, so I have learnt. The impermanence of everything can blow the strongest of trees. I'd like to talk to my parents tonight. I am very lucky to still have both of them alive and with me, and I must also thank whichever god for the husband that I have.

We lay venison, generous heaps of accompaniments and gorgeous jugs of wine on the large dining table. It was starkly different to the solid chunk of wood at home. Rolf must see the gleam of pride in my eyes as I lay it before him. Something in his reminds me of the island and our time there. Of exchange of food and stares of indecency and promise. However my priority tonight is not to release his balls, but feed his belly. My northerner is succumbing to a type of sadness that seems resolute to stay. How I miss the twinkle of hope in his eyes! I focus on filling his plate, and the servants take hint and attend to the king and queen.

"I've missed that." He says with a knowing smile.

"Me serving you?"

Reminding me of a boy, he nods rather happily and tucks into his plate. I am satisfied and watch him tear through meat, a little broth falling from his beard. Quickly, I wipe it away and I am relieved that he doesn't notice because of his eating. He is devouring everything I have set before him.

"Sweet." I can't help exclaim, blinking the tears away. I start on my food before he can see it. He chuckles and gulps wine, making small talk with mother. I seize this chance of happiness and ease, to start a conversation with father. Things have settled between the three of us since that night of revelation. From a lack of not knowing what to say mainly on my part. Rolf lays in wait.

"Father?"

His one hand scoops broth into his mouth, whilst the other lays still, lifeless on the table. I pity him, I think suddenly. What demons must haunt him, and for how long. Bloody hands from how many years ago...

"When we are finished, I must ask for your time. Even mother's."

He smiles at me and holds my hand, leaving the food altogether.

"Of course."

The smile is small and quick. Father I love you. I wish you were as good as I'd believed all my life.

"Go up to bed. Don't wait for me." I say, but he has my arm in his grasp. He smirks, a naughty gleam in those soft green eyes. The height of him questions my command of him but he understands the pleading tone in my voice.

"When you are done, slip in naked and ready. I won't let you get much sleep tonight." He presses his hand to my stomach and lips to my lips. Do I already sense an improvement? Then he walks away, not looking back. It feels like a rush of sorts every time. I remember tonight's agenda and mentally prepare.

I knock gently, it was always the way when disturbing my parents. Father commands me in and I shut the door behind me. Mother is sat on an armchair, fairly close to the lit fireplace. She must be cold. I go to her kind, inviting embrace and lay my head on her lap, settling on the fur beneath me.

"How is our son in law?"

I look up at mother as she's never addressed Rolf like that before. It was surprisingly intimate. I adored the loving look in her eyes. But there was concern too, she could tell.

"He is exceptionally better tonight."

Mother strokes my cheek and I lay my head down once again.

I hear father's voice.

"I am very lucky to have you both."

"Micah..." Mother calls, but he shakes his head. His eyes fall to the fire.

"I am haunted, my queen. I have done wrong, you both know that now."

I harden myself against what sounds like his remorse. Mother feels the tension and eases my grip on her dress. This morning runs through my mind. How the people of this island now doubt. Things have never felt like this before. Almost as if the earth quakes underneath us, and I'm watching it helpless.

"What have you done to make it right?" I ask, looking up at him. I need to know if has sought redemption. Anything. Fate is both cruel and fair. I fear a punishment bigger than Oko. Father blinks at me.

"I let Oko live after attacking us." His laugh is humourless. I was caught off guard from the cold turn in his voice. Regardless he was spouting nonsense as if he were drunk. Father never sipped from his cup tonight. I correct him,

"Oko escaped."

"I could have killed him." He retorts.

"Well why didn't you?!" I stand now, facing those eyes. Familiar yet unfamiliar. Who are you father?

He doesn't look at me but mother.

"Tell me." I proceed gently. There it is. Another secret.

"Tell me why you are standing here, like you have done all my life, dressed in fine robes and holding a sword I've never seen used to even justify why."

The anger is mounting and tightening his shoulders.

"What else do you want me to say? I have told you my sin." Spitting out that last word as if it were more disgusting than what he'd done.

"There is more. So much more, father. And even you!" I turn to her. Mother's eyes are round with shock.

"You are part of this too, I know it. You cover his lies!"

"Fahmeen!" He warns me.

"I won't relent. You know how I am." This frustration of betrayal. How can you live a lie? These eyes ask her.

My mother pleads,

"There is nothing to be done. The past is..." She sees father's ghosts.

"Gone." Tears.

"That is enough tonight." Her voice says final and I know I will not win. Not now.