Not Here, Not Now

DAISY.

I can't take my eyes off the storm. Outside, green lightning shatters the heavens, and the liquid pouring from the clouds is neither black nor red. It trickles down the window pane, leaving a murky trail on the glass that makes my stomach churn.

An odd, morbid urge creeps up inside me and crawls along my skin, and I find myself reaching for the soot-covered latch of the window. I fiddle with it until it finally creaks to the side, and then I push the window slightly open as the brunt wood groans in protest.

You know that feeling when you know something horrible is about to happen, but you can't bring yourself to look away? I feel queasy and unsteady, but I can't bring myself to stop. I slide my hand out the crack in the window, palm open towards the sky.

The second the first drop of that awful rain lands on me, my skin burns. It's foul and viscous, too dark and thick to be blood but too red and metallic to be anything else. It sizzles against my skin, and I cry out from the pain, yanking my hand back.

A moment later, Bastian is by my side, his torso pressed up against my back as he slams his hand against the window to shut it. I yelp in surprise, my flesh stinging where the cursed rain burned a streak down my palm. When did he get up? I didn't even hear him walk up to me.

I yank the tattered curtain back over the window, blocking out the green glow of the storm.

"What is that? The rain, it—" I suck in a breath as I turn to face Bastian, initially surprised by his closeness. He's looming over me, our faces inches away, his arm still caging me in as he leans against the windowsill.

Then I realize just how much he is leaning over me, his whole body sagging forward. Fresh blood seeps into the bandages I'd wrapped around his abdomen, and I frown as my gaze travels down his form.

"Bastian!" I grab him gently by the shoulders, guiding him back to the ash-covered bed. He slumps onto the mattress with a grimace. "Here, lie back."

He grabs my forearm gratefully as I help him rest against the headboard, trying to ignore the way the corners have been burned off into molten, jagged forms.

Without waiting for an invitation, I begin removing the strips of his shirt until his torso is fully exposed. Now that we're relatively safe, I take a minute to properly examine him.

It's worse than I thought.

There are claw marks down his chest all the way from his collarbone to his navel. There's a bruise that covers the entirety of his left shoulder, and several more cuts down both his arms. His hand is clenched into a deformed fist, and I realize he's dislocated several bones, dislodging parts of his wrist and fingers. Another set of gashes begins around the front of his waist and wraps around his side and back.

It's a miracle he made it this far. How was he still standing? How is he even conscious?

"You're still bleeding," I whisper, worry gnawing at my insides.

"You're looking a little worse for wear, too, Princess," he teases, but even his playful smile is half-hearted and fading.

"Why aren't you healing?"

I've seen him recover from injuries before. None as bad as these, but the bleeding should've stopped by now.

"I'm doing my best, but black magic takes a little more to mend."

My hand instinctively goes to my chest, where the claw marks have already begun to scab. The skin there is still burning painfully, and the new blister forming on my hand isn't helping. But compared to Bastian, I'm fresh and fit as a fiddle. I must have been right with my theory of the magical burst. It somehow cauterized the venomous effect of the Shade's claws, so the black magic isn't affecting my ability to heal.

"How do I fix it? What can I do?" I ask, and I'm struck by the memory of uttering those words when my father first fell to the plague.

No. This is different. It has to be. I will not lose Bastian too.

"There's not much to do, love." His tone is soft, and when my eyes meet, I hate the pity I see there.

"Don't look at me like that," I warn, my voice low.

"Like what?"

"Like you're giving up," I snap. "And stop calling me 'love,' or 'Princess.' I'm not playing games with you, Bastian. Not now. Not here."

But maybe here and now is where he needs it most. I cannot begin to conceive the sort of agony he is in, not just from the injuries he sustained fighting off dozens of Shades through the forest, but from seeing his old home reduced to ashes. Sorrow hangs in the air, and while the coven was once called Blood and Ash, I suspect the name was always meant to be symbolic. Things that burn and bleed are a part of life. Now this place reeks only of death.

But Bastian purses his lips, his gaze raking over me for a moment before he nods. "As you wish."

I tear off a piece of the bedsheet that isn't entirely ruined and gently dab away some of the blood from his wounds, wishing there was something else that I could do.

"If you're thinking of apologizing, don't," Bastian says, and I blink up at him in surprise. "I may be dying, but I see those sad puppy eyes of yours. Don't do it. Don't be sorry for something you didn't cause. None of this is your fault."

Tears sting my eyes, and I turn away from him so he won't see them spill down my cheeks. But Bastian raises a hand to hook a finger under my chin to force me to look back at him with a little smile.

"Please don't say that," I whisper, and this time, I cannot keep my voice from shaking. "You can't die. I won't lose you, Bastian; I can't."

He shushes me tenderly, brushing away my tears.

"Why?" he asks softly, but there is nothing gentle in his gaze.

"You know why." I try to shake my head, but he cups the back of my neck, and I'm amazed he has any strength left at all. He holds me in place, forcing me to face him as his emerald eyes burn into mine.

"Tell me why, Daisy." My name sounds like a command on his lips, and I don't want to fight it anymore. "No games."

"Because you're my mate," I whisper, letting myself break before his eyes, beneath his touch. "And I love you, Sebastian."

He pulls me toward him, bringing his lips to mine. He kisses me softly, and I know that I can't deny it a second longer. Monsters, secrets, darkness, and all. I love him.

He pulls away and rests his forehead on my shoulder. His breath warms my skin when he whispers, "You were worth it. The waiting, the curse, the Shades, the beast, the burden... you were worth everything, Daisy Lyall. I love you too."

His weight sags against me, and I pull back, my breath caught in my throat. Bastian's eyes fall shut, and his weight slumps to the side when I shift beside him. I pull away to look at him and call out his name, my chest tightening so fiercely it's unbearable. Poison rain continues to fall outside in this wretched ghost town, and I sob into the night, shaking Bastian by the shoulders as I call out his name over and over again.

But he still won't open his eyes.