Chapter 38

Chapter 38
A U R O R A

What is the definition of loss and suffering to people like us?
A few weeks ago, my misery had peaked to a primed spot. I had mourned, raged and cried over the loss of a man whom I loved, marinated in grief and wallowed in self-pity. There were so many stages of my suffering that I had believed it to be real, but the one unfolding before my eyes transcended all the other horizons of loss and suffering.
Before me, there were two parents, howling over their son’s body. Mrs. Romano cupped his boy’s face as if she were trying to coax him into waking up while Alessandro Romano, the man known to be invincible to Chicago, were bested down by Stefan’s death. He stood stoically, but it was his red, void eyes that spoke volumes. 
The sight was harrowing.
I did not even have the strength to reach out to Sammy. She could barely stand or even breathe in the wake of her loss. Stefan was everything to her, to this family. The youngest, spoiled and beloved.
She shook violently, crying and begging them not to take him away for the burial. Dominic was barely able to hold her, with endless tears streaming down his cheeks. 
And then there was Viktor. 
I felt mostly for him. He was just standing a little afar, wearing the same blood-smeared clothes. I have heard that he was the first one to see his brother’s bloodied body and he did everything in his power to save him. But it was too late. 
Stef had already slashed his wrists hours ago, and the blood had abundantly flowed out of his body. It was too late to save him but Viktor did not give up. He just could not. Ultimately, he had lost. 
Viktor was not crying; I knew that he lacked tears and it was probably the most painful thing ever. He just stood there, like a stone, and watched the family grieve the loss of their youngest. 
The priest mumbled and made the sign of the cross, but I could not really catch the words as I stood far away from the crowd of mourners. I did not have the heart to see the sight or move closer. If I did, I would have to console the people gathering around and I was at a loss of words. 
XXX
I had never arranged a funeral service; hell, I have never been to one. It had never occurred to me before that death was so impactful. 
But none of the people I knew were in a position to make arrangements, so I had to step up. There was nothing in Chicago that money could not buy for the Romano family, and hence, all I had to do was make a few calls and arrange the funeral. 
I walked through the house and found the light streaming from a room far away. Immediately, I knew. I strode over to Viktor’s office and finding the door ajar, I pushed and entered. 
The entire place was a mess.
Sheaves of paper were strewn around. There were broken pieces of glass scattered on the floor and the faint smell of liquor hung in the air. I wondered how many bottles of whiskey did he drown and how many he smashed. I stalked inside, glass crunching under my shoes as I located Viktor at the far end of the room. He was sprawled on the floor, staring blankly at the ceiling. He was not drunk; he was just lost. 
“Viktor, what are you doing here? Fuck…” I cursed as I stumbled upon a toppled ottoman. He has wrecked this place like a madman.
Viktor neither moved nor stirred, but I knew he heard me well. It was only when I joined him on the floor, did his lips move. “It’s done. It’s over…” he whispered. 
“Viktor…everyone is out there…” I tried. The funeral had begun and no matter how devastating it was to swallow the truth, men and women, family and relatives sat in the pews to listen to the priest. 
“I can’t,” he told me in a hoarse voice and then begged me. “I can’t go out there, Aurora. Please don’t make me.”
The helplessness was so palpable in his voice, I wanted to cry. I had never seen Viktor so broken, so fractured that he could barely speak through his heartache. Stef was everything. He would have walked through fire for his brother.
Sighing, I reached out and held his hand with our fingers entwined tightly around each other. “You don’t have to,” I whispered back. 
Viktor did not want to show the world the weakest side of him, and he was afraid. A part of him will always blame himself for being negligent, for not doing enough to save Stefan, but God as a witness, he did everything and beyond. 
I just wished he would forgive himself.
I don’t recall how long we sat there, but when the night sky traded the darkness for the morning light and the sun rays forced their way into the room, I pulled myself up from the floor. Beside me, Viktor has fallen prey to his exhaustion and fell asleep. He was weary to the last of his bones and the same was reflected in the under eye circles around his eyes. 
By the time I had gotten out of the room and fetched a cup of coffee for both of us and returned, he was up and still on the floor. He was still lost, broken and I wondered how long will it take for him to overcome this sea of grief. 
“Here, take it,” I offered the cup but he did not make an effort to take it from my hand. Instead, I sat beside him and pushed it towards him. “Viktor, please just have it because you need it,” I implored. He did not utter a single word for a long time.
“I need to get back to work,” he mumbled. 
“No, that’s the worst idea right now.” I knew he was looking for a way out to shut himself down, and because he could not go out of the house, he just wanted to bury himself in work so that he could escape the reality of his situation. 
“I will go mad otherwise,” he answered, almost technically. “I need to focus on something else.”
“Viktor, take a step back. You are not in the right state of—”
“I know what the fuck I am!” He shouted and threw the cup of coffee across the wall. His breathing got ragged and the explosion lasted only for a few long seconds before he started to calm himself down. “I…am…leave me alone, Aurora. I want to be alone for some time.” His sentence was an earnest request. And I understood where it came from.
And I respected it.
Viktor was one of those men who didn’t, rather could not, wear their hearts on their sleeves. It was not a choice but his nature. Emotions do not come naturally to them, and when it does, it devastates them. He was already at his weakest, and having someone else see him in that light was not acceptable to him.
I nodded silently, passing my cup of coffee towards him and got on my feet.
“I will make sure you are not disturbed,” I said before leaving. “Take care.”
A hand snagged my wrist, halting my steps. When I turned around, I saw him looking up at me. “Aurora…thank you,” he mumbled.
Leaning down, I kissed one of his cheeks, out of our twisted affection for each other and smiled weakly. “Another time, Viktor.”