Chapter 26

Robert felt wrung out. Exhausted from speaking aloud the words that had consumed him for so long.

He looked down at the woman who had captured the heart he no longer thought he possessed, and that same organ twisted as he realised she’d been crying.

He never wanted to make her cry. Not ever again.

But he needed her to know. To know all of him.

All last night, all this morning, Robert had faced his past in a way he’d never done before.

He’d faced it, and he was learning to put his demons to rest. For her.

Because Abigail deserved so much more than the man he’d been. She deserved someone whole. Someone free to be happy and just love her as someone as wonderful as she warranted.

Robert didn’t think that was him yet. But he loved her far too much not to try.

She deserved the truth.

She had told him that she loved him, but his demons, the monster inside him, made it impossible for him to accept the gift of her love and return it with every part of him.

Which is what she deserved.

But there were parts of him that belonged to the past he couldn’t outrun. The past he couldn’t forget.

And the only way he could be the man she deserved was to forgive himself for his past mistakes and try to let them go.

Abigail began to struggle to stand up, and Robert immediately dropped to his knees beside her.

He didn’t want her trying to stand on that ankle.

His gut twisted with familiar guilt. He’d done this to her.

He really was a monster.

“Don’t try to get up, love,” he said softly, and he watched her eyes widen at the endearment.

How could she not know that she was his love? His everything.

But then, he’d never told her.

Well, he’d started telling her everything, and he would finish. He had to. For both their sakes.

“I’ve never spoken to a soul about this. I never felt the need to. I honestly thought I’d live the rest of my life isolated and alone. I would have if it wasn’t for you.”

Robert reached out and wiped a tear from her satiny soft cheek.

Even now, even when he felt wrung dry emotionally, the desire for her flared hot and fierce.

“All night while you slept, and all this morning, I’ve faced up to my past in a way I never have before. I’ve faced up to my feelings in a way I wouldn’t have. Because I didn’t do it for my own sake, I did it for yours.”

He reached out and grabbed her tiny, delicate hands, gazing into the impossibly blue pools of her eyes.

“Last night, the second you left, I regretted my actions more than I can say. And when I saw you slip on that riverbank, the same one that destroyed my childhood, I thought my life had ended in that moment. That was when I knew for sure, I don’t want any sort of life without you in it.”

Abigail gasped at his words, but Robert didn’t allow himself to be distracted.

“Nobody else would have gotten me to this riverbank,” he said wryly. “That’s why I brought you here today. To show you that I’m no longer running from my past. No longer allowing it to control me and make me a monster.”

He gazed at the woman across from him, wondering if she had any idea how beautiful she looked with the sun dancing off her golden curls and the tears swimming in her eyes making them bluer than he’d ever seen them.

“I don’t want to be a monster anymore. Because you deserve more than that. I don’t want to hide myself away. Not from you. You deserve a man who can love you freely, without being weighed down by sins of the past.”

His heart was thumping, and Robert felt like a nervous schoolboy.

Taking a deep breath, he smiled one of the few real smiles he’d ever managed.

“And I want to be that man for you, sweetheart. Because I love you.”

Robert didn’t know what he’d expected Abigail’s reaction to be.

More tears, maybe.

Even saying she loved him, again.

What he certainly hadn’t expected was for her to launch herself at him, throwing her arms around him, and planting a kiss on his mouth.

Robert felt a moment’s surprise before his body reacted to the feel of her in his arms and within seconds, he’d taken control of the kiss, wrapping his arms around her, and lowering her to the blanket below them.

He pulled his lips from hers, his eyes drinking in the image of her, plaint beneath him, her tremulous smile melting the remnants of the ice around his heart.

“Do you really, truly forgive yourself?” she surprised him by asking.

Robert thought about her question, had thought about nothing else for hours.

In the early morning, before dawn, he’d allowed himself to imagine if he and Abby had children.

He’d faced the painful idea of a tragedy such as this befalling them.

And Robert knew, he would never blame a son of his, a mere child, for a tragic accident such as what had happened to Gina. And he had realised then, that’s what it was—a tragic, terrible accident.

Robert had allowed himself to acknowledge that his fourteen-year-old self couldn’t have done anything differently.

Then he’d imagined abandoning Abigail and any other children they had, turning his back on them, and spending his days drinking himself to oblivion, slowly killing himself day by day, drink by drink.

And no, he had realised, he wouldn’t do that either.

He would make a different choice to the one his father had made. And that’s what it had been. A choice. His mother had said as much, and Robert believed her now.

He would always mourn the loss of his sister, and even his father.

He would always miss the old duke and grieve for the life Gina should have known.

But he would no longer blame himself for things outside his control.

“I do,” he answered, smiling down at the woman who had single-handedly given him his life back. “I forgive myself, and I am ready to let go of the past.”

Her smile was dazzling.

“I love you,” she said simply, and his heart burst.

“Even for shouting at you and sending you out into a storm?” he asked.

“Even for laughing whilst the storm ruined my dress,” she answered tartly, earning another of those laughs.

He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers.

“Thank you for bringing me back to life,” he whispered.

“Thank you for letting go of the monster,” she whispered back.

Robert grinned and smoothed a hand down her body, eliciting a moan that drove him half-crazy.

“I find there are far more pleasurable things for me to hold on to.” He grinned wickedly before bending to press a trail of kisses along her jaw.

Abigail reached up and clasped his face in her hands, dragging his mouth over to meet her own.

And there by the river, Robert said goodbye to his demons, and hello to his future.

“Are you sure it’s all gone?” Abigail demanded as she once more reached up to pat at her head, searching for grass.

She had visions of entering the Hall and the dowager immediately knowing what she’d been getting up to with the older lady’s son.

Robert laughed and the sound was so light, so carefree, that her heart almost burst from hearing it.

It was hard to believe that only yesterday, Abigail had thought she would lose him forever. Had believed him too lost to his past to ever have a future with her.

And now—she sighed happily—now he would be hers forever.

“I’m positive. Do you really think I’d take you in there with any hint of what we’ve been up to? I’ve only just decided to look forward to the rest of my life, my love. I don’t want James ending it with a shotgun.”

His love.

Nothing had ever sounded more wonderful.

“Well, we’d best get inside then. Your mother must be beside herself. We’ve been gone so long.”

“Not long enough,” Robert grumbled as he jumped down and walked around to her side of the gig.

He lifted her from the conveyance, planting a kiss on her lips as he swept an arm under her knees.

“Much as I want your pain to ease, I think I’m going to miss having to carry you everywhere,” he whispered in her ear, and Abigail couldn’t hide the shiver of desire that coursed through her.

His wicked grin was proof that he knew exactly what he was doing to her.

“There’s always the other ankle,” she said a little breathlessly. “Even a couple of knees.”

Robert laughed as he carried her up the steps and into the foyer of Montvale Hall.

Abigail couldn’t stem her gasp as her eyes took in the sight before her.

Everywhere she looked there was vase after vase of wildflowers.

They adorned every available surface, bursts of colour and scent.

“Robert,” she turned her gaze back to his. “What is all this?”

He winked as he carried her toward the drawing room.

“This is the result of hours of backbreaking flower picking,” he said seriously.

They reached the drawing room, and Abigail’s eyes widened at yet more vases filled to bursting with flowers.

James and the dowager were standing in the centre of the room, matching grins on their faces.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Abigail whispered to the man holding her, her eyes filling yet again. She was surprised she had any tears left.

“Of course, I did this,” he answered simply.

He lowered his face toward hers, and Abigail felt an expectant thrill shoot through her.

“Ahem.”

The sound of the duchess delicately clearing her throat brought Abigail’s mind back out of the gutter and to the drawing room, where Robert’s mother and Abigail’s cousin were watching them.

Her cheeks heated immediately, but a quick glance showed that their smiles were well and truly in place.

Robert looked marvellously unperturbed.

He walked the short distance to a blush-coloured chaise, and placed Abby on the cushions.

He hunkered down in front of her, taking her hand and ignoring the other occupants of the room.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“I love it,” she immediately responded. “But why did you do this? I know you hate them,” she finished mischievously.

“Minx.” Robert grinned. “I told you they’ve grown on me. I couldn’t be without them now.”

His thumb stroked a lazy circle against her palm, sending all sorts of tingling along her nerve endings.

The double meaning of his words wasn’t lost on her, and audience or no, she reached a hand up to smooth against his jaw.

“You have brought so much beauty and colour to this formerly desolate place,” Robert said softly. “I thought you deserved to see beauty and colour for yourself.”

Oh, how she loved him. Who would have thought this man before her was the monster whom she’d met when she’d first arrived?

Robert leaned closer, speaking so that only Abby could hear.

“I’ve been thinking. Perhaps we should leave that ankle and those knees intact,” he said.

“Oh? And why is that?” she asked, leaning closer, too.

“Because I want you to be able to walk down the aisle to me as soon as possible,” he answered.

Well, how could she not kiss him senseless after that?

The dowager and James would just have to avert their eyes.

Nothing else mattered to Abigail at that moment. Nothing but the monster who had learned to love.

The End.