41- Seila's origin

With the skill of someone who has done it thousands of times and knows his job

perfectly, the pilot manages to land the helicopter just in time on the rooftop of the

review gym I have to go to. I have to give him credit, because, in addition to the

fact that he did it in record time, he risked landing on a not entirely suitable space,

and all because I have asked him earnestly to take me to the most important

competition of my life and career as soon as possible. With that very much on my

mind, I unbuckle my seatbelts, and once I'm free of his grip, I thank him, get off the

helicopter and run for the stairs; heights have never appealed to me much, but

right now I'm so anxious to get there on time, I don't even notice the fact that we're

a good handful of meters above the whole city. This is the tallest building of all, but

right now all I care about is getting down, and the faster I do it, the better.

- My God, until you finally arrive!

As soon as I open the door and enter the stairs, I am greeted by the endless

prayers and incessant chatter of Daniel, my trainer and one of the first people who

trusted me before starting this path, this laborious journey that brought me to

where I am today. He is a short but well-muscled man, who is almost fifty and who,

despite having cream-white skin, right now seems to have reached a really

extreme level of pallor, and all because of the nerves that have surely been eating

him up during all the time it has taken me to get here. Really, I feel so sorry and

guilty seeing him like that, that, as soon as I get to him, I can't help but throw

myself into his arms.

- How are you," I ask him, once I have separated from him.

It's so much better now that you've finally arrived," he says, with a sincere and

frankly relieved smile. What took you so long?

-It's just that I...

And although at first my intention is to tell him in detail what has happened to me

(after all, in addition to being my personal trainer, he has also been my friend and

confidant during all these years that we have been knowing each other and

working together), at the last minute I am assaulted by misgivings and decide to

cut my sentence in half. Not because I think he's going to judge me, make fun of

me or anything like that, but because it wouldn't be fair to tell him that, after all the

work and effort we've both put in to get me to this moment, just a few hours before

the most important competition of my entire existence...I've chickened out. It is a

much more complicated matter than it may seem at first, but right now what

matters is that I am already here, and in these moments what I need is to

concentrate and try not to think about it, or else I will collapse completely and

hopelessly.

-I'm a little too late -this is the lie that comes to me at the last minute, one that I

decide to accompany with a cardboard smile that couldn't be more stiff and false-.

But what matters is that I'm already here, aren't I?

-Well, yes," he replies. I know he knows me well enough to detect when I'm lying,

but since time doesn't give us the basis, he decides to let it go: "Come with me so

you can change. We don't have much time.

In this way, we leave aside the friendly and inconsequential chitchat, to put on the

professional and dedicated mask with which we have always known how to

separate our personal relationship. After taking me by the hand, Daniel leads me

down the stairs, so quickly and sometimes so abruptly, that on more than one

occasion I find myself on the verge of falling on my face; fortunately that doesn't

happen, and after a few minutes, I find myself in the locker room. On the other side

of these walls you can already hear the excitement, the screams and murmurs of

the hundreds of people that fill the stands of the pool where the competition will

take place, but I try not to pay too much attention to them while I get dressed. If I

start thinking about how many people are out there, the memory of them will shake

my mind like a particularly violent hurricane, and I don't want something like that to

steal my calm now.

Can you help me?

The stupid swim cap has always seemed to have some sort of thing against me,

because it always resists in the worst way, and always when I'm in the most hurry.

However, as soon as I hand the baton to Daniel, he works his magic and helps me

get ready in record time. I drop my stuff in the locker, grab my towel and glasses,

and shoot off like an arrow to the pool. It's lucky I don't have wet feet right now,

because, at the rate I'm running out of the locker room, I'd almost certainly end up

on the floor in a mush. Luckily, I make it there safe and sound, in one piece, and

when the pool doors swing open wide to give me passage, I feel a little more

comfortable and calm than I did before.

The competition is just minutes away from starting, so I make an effort to do my

warm-ups in the best way possible, praying, at the same time, that the time I took

to arrive won't decide to play against me and in favor of my rivals, who right now

seem very paid for themselves with my delay. It's a detail that always manages to

haunt me every time I get the wonderful idea of being late for a competition, but, on

this occasion, it doesn't have too much time to do so, because shortly after I finish

my routine, it is announced that we are finally ready to begin. The tug of nerves in

the pit of my stomach that is now more than usual greets me as I step up to my

mark, but I manage to control it as I wait for the starting whistle. I know that I

should at least allow myself to greet the people who, from the stands, are

supporting me and accompanying me in this important step, but the fear that gives

me to meet the trace of his smile or the sparkle in his eyes, prevents me. It is a

debate that breaks out inside me in the same way a storm does, and that extends

until the time comes to jump into the water and compete...

...However, it seems that fate decides to be especially cruel to me today, because,

although I try hard to concentrate and leave my mind blank, as soon as I touch the

waters and plunge into them, it is as if I am plunging headlong into my own

memories. A door opens, the dam breaks, and everything that I have tried to hold

back to protect myself, is thrown out like a jet propelled outward.