Chapter 96 My feelings
Nolan
I can't believe it.
I had no idea I had grown so attached to her. How stupid of me to not realize how much she had grown on me.
Everything feels off without her. The silence is deafening, and I didn't realize how much I relied on her filling the space until now. She had special permission to visit my office for minor things or just to talk.
I didn't feel much about it when I sent her to City A but now that she's broken it off with me, my heart keeps aching.
I miss her
She always came and sat down on my lap to show me what scoop she got and I was always proud of her since she did an amazing job. I grabbed my head with both my hands and bit my lower lip in misery. Sometimes, I catch myself glancing at my phone, hoping to see a message that's just not there.
I got so anxious when she stopped receiving my calls. I guess that was when she found out about Cherelle and I. I thought that wouldn't happen since she was away but hell,
"Hah," I let out a desperate sigh, "Fuck,"
Everything with Cherelle was just a fling. It's like I traded a masterpiece for a doodle. That fling? It's a footnote, a regrettable detour that only highlighted what I had and stupidly let slip away.
'Don't touch me,' Clio's voice was clear in my head.
Regret's a bitter pill, and right now, I'm downing it by the gallon. That fling, it seemed like a good idea at the time, a distraction from the everyday grind. There was no emotional attachment and we both were getting something out of it. But damn, was I blind to what I had. Now I keep remembering her words
'It's not that I want to stay here, it's that I'm never going back to you.' I don't think anyone could fathom how much mere words hurt.
'So forget about ever getting me back. I'd rather be with a murderer than you.' Her words kept repeating in my mind, over and over, giving me a headache.
'In case you had any doubt left since last time we were both heated up. I'll tell you this calmly today. We're over. I've moved on from you and I'm never coming back.' I remember her walking away from me, 'I hate you, and I don't ever want to see you again.' I never could have imagined she would turn away from me like that.
...
Perhaps my thinking was the exact reason I lost her.
'You were the one who threw it all away. You sent me away so that you wouldn't get caught cheating! Why else would you send me to a place, knowing full well how much trauma this city has caused me and how much danger could be here!'
Even when I told her I loved her, she didn't believe me.
'I LOVED you, And for you, I came all the way here, to a place filled with trauma....' The word, 'Loved' brought down the sky for me. It stung so much that it was unbelievable. 'You couldn't even commit to me.You never loved me, you were only using me...' I felt like my heart was being stabbed over and over again.
"That's not true," I whispered to myself as I sat in the darkness, in my office, "I really did fall for you." I massaged my temples. I felt like I was breaking, "I just didn't realize my feelings were so strong..."
Now, with her gone, every little quirk, every imperfection she had, it's crystal clear how much they didn't matter. In fact, they were part of what made her, her. I find myself dwelling on those moments—her laugh that could light up the darkest room, the way she'd get lost in thought when working, even the things that used to bug me now feel like precious quirks.
The pain in my head increased.
Love's funny that way; you realize its depth when it's no longer there. Now, I'm left with a pocket full of "what ifs" and the heavy weight of knowing I messed up big time. If only I had seen it sooner.
"Fuck," I dug my nails in my skin, "Shit..." I gulped.
To make matters worse, Cherelle announced her name on live News. Oh God... I feel so lost...
>>Clio
My eyes fluttered open and I realized the sunlight was seeping in through the window.
Hm?
My head was clear. I sat up. I seemed to have slept nicely. A little too nicely. I blinked a few times as I looked around the room, then took a deep breath.
Right,
Matthew brought me back to his house. I let out a sigh as a subtle blush spread across my cheeks.
The pain in my body was almost gone. I looked down at myself
Wow...
His licking did work!
...
I blushed harder after I remembered that.
Oh Gosh!
And he told me I was his mate.
I know they're criminals, but with Matthew I just don't feel like that. I don't feel like I'm in a bad place.
I began to wave my body back and forth as my heart wavered with me.
He called me his...
I was offended when he said he didn't want my answer but I was also pretty happy about the whole thing. I pursed my lips.
'You are mine,' His eyes seemed to get a little darker, 'You are meant to be mine,'
Oh! Gosh!
I felt giddy remembering that.
I'm his soulmate! My heart fluttered at that.
I know he said my answer didn't matter but he must care about me considering he's doing so much for me and he's never forced anything on me either.
So, my feelings must matter, right? We can talk this out, right?
I placed my hands on my cheeks, trying to calm the heat in my skin with my cold fingers but it didn't do anything for my racing heart.
I got up from the bed. I should go down and talk to Matthew. There's still a lot to talk about. I'll think about other things later.
I descended the staircase, and made my way to the lounge. No one was there, not even the chef. I glanced at the wall clock. It was eleven in the morning, so it must be that I woke up too late and everyone left.
Hmmm,
I felt a little disappointed.
What do I do now? It's an office day today. Do I leave? Should I? But how will I face everyone? And it's late, maybe I can skip today....
I was lost in thought as I made my way towards the entrance when the door to the bathroom near the lounge swung open.
!!!
I froze and my eyes shot towards the open door that had steam coming out of it indicating signs of hot water, and as soon as I looked toward the door, I saw him.
Matthew?!?! I jolted as soon as I saw him.
Apparently he just got out of the shower. Water droplets traced the lines of his muscular body, and for a moment, time froze.
My eyes went wide, embarrassment flushed through me as our eyes locked. He had surely taken a hot bath. How do I know? I could see the steam evaporating from his skin.
The view was extremely hot
My heart pounded as I noticed the soft details of water droplets slowly falling down his hair. And I especially noticed the droplets running down his body, his abs, his chest, his biceps, even his legs.
His naked body, barely covered by the towel, made me feel tense.
I gulped feeling nervous but somehow neither of us spoke immediately.
"Uh-hi?" I stammered. I spoke because I wanted to elevate the tense atmosphere.
"Morning," He replied rather calmly. His presence exuded a subtle confidence, and the air crackled with a newfound tension.
He had the towel wrapped around his waist and held a second one on his head, drying his hair. The rest of his body was a feast to the naked eye.
In that moment, I couldn't help but notice the sculpted contours of his physique, and the warmth that spread through my cheeks wasn't just from the surprise.
I know it's rude to stare and I should look away but I couldn't seem to help myself. My heart skipped a beat and even though I was staring, he didn't make any attempt to move away.
Almost as if he was enjoying my reaction. And honestly I would have kept staring at his abs and muscles, but my attention was quickly drawn to something else
Scars.
They adorned his torso like a gallery of stories etched into his skin. Some were faded, blending into the landscape of his body, while others were more prominent. I found myself pausing, my eyes tracing the lines of each scar, unintentionally drawn into the intimate narratives they held.
On such handsome skin, I wonder how so many injuries got painted on it.
He said the underworld took him when he was a child. I wonder how bad his life was. Did his parents die? What about the others?
How did he end up on the streets?
There were so many questions suddenly bombaring my brain, yet none I could bring myself to ask.
"You're staring," His words made me flinch, "Why? Do the scars disgust you?"