Chapter 195 Pleasant days
>>Azef
I had to stop her and ask. I didn’t want her to go away. She was in this room for mere minutes but something inside of me felt better with her presence.
I didn’t want to lose her.
She sat on the window sill and looked back at me, “But there’s nothing to do here,”
“We can do something together!” I said, “We’ll do anything you want!”
“Really?” She asked
“Yes,”
“Then I'll come whenever dad comes”
"Okay!” I was happy to hear that, “But! Don't ask your dad anything about coming here."
"Why not?" She pouted.
"He won't let you come."
"How do you know that?" She folded her arms.
"I do. So promise me you won't do that." I talked softly and although she seemed a little angry at my words, she eventually gave in.
"...Okay..."
And that's how Sarina and I became friends. Her father visited my mother twice a week, sometimes thrice a week. Apparently their house wasn’t far from here, so he came on foot and she just followed him.
Sarina’s sister napped during the time she came here. She was supposed to be asleep too. Their dad snuck out after putting both of them to sleep but Sarina never actually slept, she just sneaked out behind her father and she would bring her stuff over in a bag so we could play together.
We didn’t play much, she just talked most of the time, and she would often forget her stuff here too. Telling me different stories. Apparently she had a wild imagination.
But she did grow tired of being in the room
“I opened the window for you, can’t you just leave?” She asked as she lay on the floor.
“My mom said she would disown me if I tried to leave,”
“Disown?” She frowned, “What’s that?”
“It means she’ll stop being my mom.”
“Oh…” She scratched her forehead, “Do you get another mom if that happens?”
I shook my head, “No, but if that happens, I won’t have a place to live either.”
She sat up with a glint in her eyes, “Then you can just stay with me!!” I smiled at her words.
“Your parents won’t let me,” I replied and her smile died.
“Oh yea…” She let out a sigh, “Oh!” And then she got distracted, “I got something,” She walked with her knees on the floor, “Let’s take a picture.” She grabbed her bag and pulled out a polaroid camera,
She walked over to me on her knees, her presence a strange mix of comfort and excitement. She positioned the camera in front of us on the window sill, adjusting the angle, "Come closer," she urged with a smile, “It has a timer!!” She pressed it and then came running back.
I scooted over and she came and sat down next to me.
“I don’t think I’ve taken a picture before,” She looked at me, her gaze filled with something I couldn’t quite name—maybe it was kindness, or confusion but the exact time she looked at me, the picture was clicked.
The camera whirred to life, capturing the moment in a flash of light. In that instant, I looked straight at the camera, trying to remember how to smile. But she didn't look at the camera—she looked at me,
“What?”
The Polaroid print slid out,
“Oh no!” She went and grabbed it, shaking it gently, “I was looking away.” She turned and glared at me, “It’s your fault!!”
“...Sorry,” I stood up and went over to her. We both watched as the image slowly developed, colors and shapes coming into focus. There we were: me, looking at the camera with a hesitant smile, and her, looking at me.
She handed me the photo, “I don’t like this one,” She said, “You can have it.” She placed the camera back, “We’ll take another one for me.”
“Okay,” She placed the camera back when we heard the front door open
!!!
Her dad was leaving
“Oh no!” She ran towards her backpack and hurriedly put her things in and like usual, she forgot some too, like her pencil, her toy car. But it didn’t matter, not then, she was just going to come and take it back next time.
She ran to the window and we both looked at the man leaving through the walled entrance. There was a specific angle with which we could see someone come or leave but once we saw that her dad was gone, she opened the window and climbed through it.
“Bye!” She waved at me
“Bye,” I waved back as she ran away. I was relaxed seeing her but then I heard the clicking sound of my mother’s heels that sent a wave of fear down my body.
Quickly, I shut the window and threw her stuff under the mattress. That’s when she unlocked the door and opened it.
In a panic, I sat down on the mattress
“I heard you talking with someone,” She hiccuped, her form swaying
“I was talking to myself…” I could tell she was drunk
“Huh,” She wobbled a few steps in, making my heart skip a beat, “Okay,” And then she wobbled a few steps back, “Fine,” She slammed the door shut, making me flinch.
Then she locked it.
I let out a sigh of relief, then froze
Wait,
She’s not going to give me anything to eat today? I looked at the door, then my body slumped. Well, she’s drunk. She never gives give when she’s drunk
I let out a sigh. My stomach growled but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. So, I laid down on the mattress with my stomach down. The pressure on it made the hunger go away a little.
I let out a deep breath, then raised my arm and looked at it.
It was thin.
Sarina had a better form than me… I was weak. I can’t even lift things properly.
…
I let my arm slump down and buried my face in the pillow.
Will things ever change?
I refused to leave the room and go out because I’m afraid Mom will find out. As long as we play here, we can keep an eye out for her. But if we go out, we wouldn’t know what’s happening here…
I don’t want to risk that.
I placed my hand on my neck. The injury finally healed. I closed my eyes.
I don’t want to get hurt again.
She sat cross-legged on the floor of my room, her eyes sparkling with excitement as she shuffled a deck of cards between her hands.
Today she brought back uno for us to play.
The light from the window cast a warm glow over us, making the room feel cozier than it usually did. Her presence always seemed to chase away the shadows, bringing life into the space.
"Hey," She said, looking up from the cards with a thoughtful expression. "When's your birthday?"
My birthday? I paused. The day I was born? Mom never told me. I did ask her about it when I saw a classmate bring cake to class.
I came back home to ask Mom when mine was. The idea of having cake on your birthday excited me. I wanted to have a birthday to get some cake and maybe even a gift.
But she ignored me, ‘Don’t ask useless stuff,’ She was smoking something while laying on the couch, ‘Go to your room and don’t get on my nerves.’ Her voice was better and I didn’t want to offend. She already looked high out of her mind.
‘Okay,’ I quietly walked away as she fell asleep.
I hesitated after recalling that event, feeling a pang of sadness. "I don't know," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t really remember."
Her face fell, and she reached out to touch my arm gently. "That's so sad," She said softly. "Everyone deserves to celebrate their birthday."
I shrugged, trying to brush it off, but her sadness was contagious. The room felt heavier for a moment, the air thick with unspoken words. But I could never bring myself to tell her my mom was abusive and that’s why I was in a mess.
I didn’t want her to get weirded out.
As if struck by a sudden idea, her eyes lit up.
“Okay!” She stood up and ran to her backpack, then rummaged through it.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I stood up to go over to her.
"Wait here," She said, her voice filled with excitement, “Stay there, I’ve got to give you something.” She glanced at me, “Sit down,”
I sat down as I was told but kept my eyes on her.
After a moment, she pulled out a small, light brown bunny plush, its ears floppy and endearing.
"Here," She said, holding out the bunny to me. "I want you to have this."
I looked at her, confused but touched. "Why?" It looked soft and warm, and it smelled faintly of lavender.
"Because," she said with a bright smile, "Your birthday could be today!”
“What?”
“You don’t know when it is, so it could be today!” Her eyes sparkled, “Or we could make it today!”
I stared at her, a mix of emotions swirling inside me. No one had ever given me a gift before. "Really?" I asked, my voice cracking a little.
"Really," she confirmed, her eyes shining with sincerity. "Today is your birthday, and this bunny is your present.”
“I don’t,” I hesitated, “Didn’t your parents buy it for you?”
“My mom sew it for us,” She sat down next to me, “My sister already lost her,” She chuckled, “She keeps eyeing mine, so I’m going to give it to you.”
I felt warm inside.
A birthday present.
“You can give it to your sister,” I said
“No,” She shook her head, “She’s going to lose this one too!” She thrusted it to me, “You keep it safe.” She pouted, “It’s a gift from me!”
The way I felt then, was something I had never felt before in my life.
A sense of belonging.
A sense of being wanted
A sense of being cared for
The feeling took over me, making me feel light and fuzzy.
I nodded slowly, “Okay,” I hugged it, “I’ll keep it safe.”
“Good!” She passed me a toothy grin, “I named him ‘kookie!’”
“It’s a nice name,” I smiled widely.
I hope these days last forever.
I held the bunny close, totally oblivious that it was going to be my last good day.