Chapter 182 Feeling Lost
>>Seraphina
“No!” Hoor said, “We’re not sure,”
She nervously looked at the others. They all stared at each other and then kept staring at each other without a word. I knew they were talking among themselves. It took me a little while to get it, but it turns out they do this often.
Purposely leaving me out.
Seeing a scenario like that only made me angry. Why would they do this when I’m standing right infront of them and am already losing my mind. I turned around in anger and left. Night had fallen anyway. Might as well just spend it away from everyone!
“Miss Sera!” They came after me
“Wait!” They came out of the kitchen but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t process this whole thing. It was too much for me!
“Sera!” Runy ran after me and caught my wrist, “Listen,” She turned me around and then froze
Tears were running down my cheeks. They all must know by this time that Azef is using me as a replacement! There’s no way Lila didn’t tell anyone and that’s eating up even more!
That’s so embarrassing!
“Listen to what?” I looked at her and then all of them who were behind her, “You all talk amongst yourselves right in front of me!” The tears wouldn’t stop, “I’m already so confused and hurt and your actions feel even worse! For all I know, you might be making fun of me!”
“No!” Hoor came forward, “We would never,”
“Let me go,” I yanked myself away from Runy, “You all can go and have your conversation.” I turned around and walked out.
They all had a guilty look on their faces, “We-” Lila started but in the end she couldn’t come up with an excuse. None of them could.
“Where are you going?” Runy asked,
“As if I could go anywhere,” I replied without stopping, “When we’re in the middle of a goddamn forest!” I turned around and then they were out of sight.
>>Lila
“This was bad,” I looked at the others.
“The Beta messed up,” Ben said, “Why would he do this?”
“I honestly thought this was a genuine thing,” Loid said, “I could never have imagined she looked like the Beta’s mate…”
“It was a shock to me too.” I said, “We shouldn’t have mind-linked in front of her, she’s already disturbed.”
“At least she didn’t run away this time,” Runy said, “What do we do now?”
I folded my arms, “Honestly, we’ll need to talk to the beta first to get answers. If he’s really just using Miss Sera as a replacement, I won’t support it.” I shook my head.
“He’s our Beta though,” Loid said, “We can’t oppose him.”
“We can’t,” I replied, “But we can tell the truth to Sera,” We all looked in the direction she left, “The rest is up to her, but I’m sure she won’t stay.”
“No one would stay in a relationship like that,” Ben replied, “And what’s worse is knowing that he left while being in his rut!”
“That must have broken her,” Tuilum added and we all looked at each other with a concerned expression but none of us had words to offer.
“Should we call Raye?” Hoor asked
“I already did,” Runy said, “He told me Beta Azef went to his house and Xia-Lin is already there waiting for him.”
….
There was nothing any of us could say after that.
>>Azef
“Hell!! Xia-Lin,” I went over to her and snatched the injection from her hand, “I don’t have time to waste,” I yanked up my sleeve and plunged the injection in to calm my rut down, “I need the chemical in my veins before I lose my mind.” I did this last time too, so the time it’ll keep my lust at bay will reduce, but it’s fine.
“Hmph!” She pouted, “Why not have sex?”
“I will have sex,” I replied, “But not now.” I went and sat down on the couch, “Later,” I let out a sigh, “I need to do things,” I lay down, “After I take a nap.” I closed my eyes.
“Seriously?” She walked over to me, “You want to take a nap.”
“Yes,” I replied, “I’ll wake up once my rut is under control.”
I just need a few days to handle these things. I’d rather not have my rut clouding my judgment.
>>Seraphina
I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, the darkness of my room wrapping around me like a suffocating blanket. Every tick of the clock on my nightstand echoed in my ears, each second a reminder of the sleepless hours passing by. My eyes burned from exhaustion, yet sleep eluded me. My mind was a storm of thoughts, each one more painful than the last.
An ache deep within my chest gnawed at me, an emptiness that no amount of tears could fill. The realization that I was nothing more than a replacement, a shadow of someone he truly loved, made me feel utterly insignificant.
The fact that he left for the city while going into rut is enough proof that he doesn’t really love me
What else could there be? Why would he leave in such a rush otherwise?
I turned onto my side, clutching my pillow tightly, as if it could somehow offer comfort. My thoughts drifted to the times we had shared, each memory now tainted with the bitter knowledge that he was seeing someone else in my eyes.
All this time, he was helping me out because he was seeing Sarina in me? Who else could it be but her?
Miserable and heartbroken, I couldn't help but wonder what I lacked, why I wasn't enough on my own. I thought I could use my face, but my face was the thing he wanted all along.
I bit my lower lip in anger and hurt.
It felt like it was hard to breathe.
The night dragged on, each minute stretching into an eternity. A pang of resentment welled up within me—resentment towards him, towards my sister, and even towards myself. Resentment for allowing myself to fall so deeply, for believing in a love that was never truly mine. I hated the way I looked now, the way my face mirrored someone else's memories instead of being a reflection of my own.
Would he have looked at me if I didn’t look like this?
Is this really all these is to it?
Was I really being deceived?
Right before dawn, I finally gave up on trying to sleep. My throat was dry, and I craved a glass of water to soothe the ache. Pushing the covers aside, I slipped out of bed, my bare feet padding softly across the cold floor. The dim light of early morning filtered through the curtains, casting a pale glow over everything.
As I walked towards the kitchen, the house was eerily quiet, except for the faint hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of the floorboards beneath me.
Everyone must be asleep at this time.
I reached the kitchen and was startled to see Tuilum there, still awake. She was sitting at the table, a cup of tea in her hands, her eyes looking tired but alert. As soon as I entered the kitchen she noticed me and stood up
!!!
"Miss Sera, you're up early," Tuilum said softly, concern evident in her voice. "Is everything alright?"
I avoided her gaze, focusing instead on the task at hand. I opened the cupboard, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water from the water dispenser. The cool liquid was a brief comfort as I drank, but it did nothing to wash away the turmoil inside me.
"Miss, you don't look well. Is there anything I can do?" Tuilum persisted, her voice gentle and filled with worry.
I didn’t answer her, and refused to meet her eyes. I didn't trust myself to speak, knowing that if I did, the floodgates might open, and I would be overwhelmed by the tears I had been holding back. I couldn't bear to talk about it, to put my pain into words. Not now. Not yet.
She stood up, taking a tentative step towards me. "Sometimes talking helps," she offered, her hand outstretched as if she could somehow reach the parts of me that felt so broken, “Please know that we’re all on your side. We would never condone such behavior!”
I turned away, setting the empty glass on the counter with a soft clink.
“What the Beta did!” I paused, “None of us are siding with him.” Her voice was clear, “And we would never make fun of you. I know we talked amongst ourselves when you were right there and that was wrong! But we only did that because we wanted to choose our words wisely…” Her tone lowered, “We didn’t mean to hurt you.”
"I'm fine," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper. It was a lie, but it was the only thing I could manage. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts, even if they were tearing me apart.
I could feel Tuilum's eyes on me, filled with concern and sympathy, but I couldn't handle her kindness right now. It was too much, too raw. I needed to retreat, to find some semblance of control over the chaos inside me.
I was about to leave when an unexpected thing happened.
“Hi~” A kid popped his head in the kitchen. It was a boy, about ten years old.
“Tula!” Tuilum recognized him right away, “What are you doing here?!?” She went over to him, crouching down to his level to talk to him.
“I found a phone!” He raised his hands in the air, showing the phone, “It was in the hallway,”
!!!
Of course, I recognized my phone right away.
“OH! That’s mine!” I walked over to him, “When did you pick it up?”
“Early in the morning, yesterday.” He said, “I brought it here because someone keeps calling you. But I didn’t know who this phone belonged to, so I was going to give it to my sister.”
Oh
I must have dropped it when I was running to Azef’s room in a panic. I probably didn’t hear it fall because the sound of the storm was quite heavy.
I bent down a little to take it, “Thank you,” I whispered as I gently took the device from him.
“No problem,” He smiled at me
Tuilum straightened up, “Miss Sera-” I don’t know what she was going to say to me but whatever it was, it was cut short because my phone began to ring again.
I looked at the screen but it was from an unknown number.
Now I pick unknown numbers because of my part-time jobs. You never know who it might be. It could be a call from another job, or from an ex-boss. That’s why I always picked them up.
“Hello,” I answered the call. I didn’t need to pick it up at the moment, but the thing is, if all of my fears are true, I will have to go back to my previous life. I’d rather go back and pay my debt again than be here as a replacement.
“Sera!”
!!!
It was Eris’s voice
“Eris?!” A flood of relief followed by anxiousness washed over me, “Is that you?”
“Yes, Sera, where are you? Why didn’t you call me?” She was crying.
“Oh,” Guilt washed over me, “I’m sorry,” I did want to call her, but how could I? Her mother had her phone taken away and she didn’t pick up my mother’s number.
“Please,” She was bawling, “Take me with you!”
“Oh! Baby!” I felt my heart shatter, “I’ll come for you.” I was trying to keep it in, but hearing Eris cry made me want to cry too. And just like that, my eyes welled up with tears as well.
“Come for me now!” She sniffled, “I miss you!!”
“Oh baby, I’m in a forest right now. I can’t come right away!”
“A forest?” She was confused, “Why are you in a forest?” She asked
“It’s a long story,” I said, “But-”
“A forest?” There was a voice of another man, “She’s in a forest?”
I paused, “Eris, who is that?” It was a voice I didn’t recognize, “Whose number is this?” It was an unknown number, and I know Rachel wasn’t going to let her call me. So whose phone was she using?
“I don’t know,” She said, “A man came to me and offered me his phone,” I didn’t like the sound of that,
“Why would he do that?” An ominous feeling swollen inside of me.
“So I could talk to you,” She said, “He said he saw me when I was with the nurse and tried to call you. He felt bad that I couldn’t talk to you, so he offered me his phone when Mom wasn't here.”
Ariel isn’t there?!? That means she’s alone with the man. And a nurse? Is she at a hospital?
“Eris, where are you?”
“Hospital,” She replied, “Central hospital. I got a fever,” My heart began to pound, “And where is your mom?”
“I don’t know,” She said, “She wasn’t here when I woke up.”
“Eris, listen to me,” I said, “Stay away from the man.” I was getting a bad feeling, “He could be dangerous-”
“Hey!” Eris screamed, “Give it back!” Her voice faded away, “I have to talk more!”
“Eris!!” My anxiety grew, “Eris?!”
“She’s fine,” It was the voice of the man, “She’ll be fine, as long as you come here and get her.”