Chapter 166 Can I say it?
>>Seraphina
I stared at him and he looked back into my eyes with a very soft look in his eyes.
“There was a moment where she ended up reminding me of me… When I was her age,” He answered, “I was in a worse situation than she was, and I like her spirit.” He smiled, “I really like her spirit. I feel like she’s a lot more courageous and smarter than I was.”
He was in a worse situation than her?
“This might sound strange but I’ve grown quite attached to that kid.” His hand reached out to me and my gaze immediately locked on to it, “So believe me,” His hand cupped my cheek, making me feel warm, “When I say that I will get her back for you,” His thumb moved and he wiped that tear that had welled in the corner of my eye.
I stared at Azef as I realized there was no doubt in my mind about his words. What he said to me, my brain perceived it to be true.
My feelings rumbled. It seems I trust him far more than I had realized. And the more I realized it, the more constricted my chest felt.
I moved my face away, slipping it out of his hand. I wanted to ask him about his mate, I wanted to ask him but I couldn’t. What would be the point of asking him?
Do I want to know whether he wants to move on? Or maybe he has?
Parts of him are so affectionate with me that I start to crave more. I bit my lower lip in frustration. I know I am a doomed person, I crave him because he is nice to me.
I’m easy. I’m so easy I feel like a clown.
But he’s not the type to do these things out of simple good gestures. I know because in the beginning he was ready to sell me.
“Don’t do that,” He grabbed my chin and made me look at him, “Don’t bite your lips,” I looked at him, unable to let my lip out of agony, “What’s wrong?” There was a look of worry on his face.
“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked him, because in the end I couldn’t resist.
Let’s hear what he has to say.
“I’m being nice?” He smiled
“A little too nice,” I said, “But I don’t get it, why are you so nice to me?”
“There’s no rule saying I can’t be,” He replied and I closed my eyes. What was I expecting? What did I think he would say? I moved his hand away from my face in annoyance.
Silence overcame the room for a moment and that didn’t sit well with me. It was only awkward
“Why?” I spoke first, “I need you to tell me, why?”
“Why am I nice to you?” He asked and I turned my head to look at him.
“Yes,” I replied, “Because your behavior changed a lot from the beginning. You were ready to sell me the first day you met me.”
“Ah,” He frowned, “Yea well,” He tapped his index finger on the bed, “I was taking out my anger on you.”
“What?”
“I was angry at your father for stealing from me, so I sort of took it out on you in the beginning, I’m not that rough with anyone.” He paused, “Well, not with people who haven’t offended me.”
“...” I didn’t know how to respond to that. So he’s saying he just stopped taking his anger out on me? So, now he’s nicer? Or is this how he really is and it was just me being delusional?
I looked away.
“Why are you suddenly asking me this?”
“...No reason…” I could never admit that it was because I was delusional and I thought I was his mate. That’s why he was treating me so nicely, that’s why he was protecting me and taking care of me.
…
I frowned, but if I think about it normally too. One doesn’t simply invite someone to live in their house. I get that I’m his collateral and he needs me for bargain, but-
I laid back down on the bed.
I shouldn’t think like this. I’ll only bring myself more pain. I am his collateral and he’s keeping me by his side because he lost something precious.
Like it or not, it’s only through me that he might find a hint and capture my father.
I am nothing more than that. I closed my eyes, letting myself drown in misery once again.
Azef let out a sigh, “This isn’t working,” He whispered and got off the bed.
Did he get annoyed by my actions? I’ve done nothing but laze on the bed because of my depression after all. Maybe he’s going to give up on me too and then I’ll finally realize that I meant nothing to him.
I didn’t dare open my eyes.
This fragile hope in me will finally die when he leaves me to my doom. And maybe I need that. I already got a reality check but maybe I need one directly to accept the fact that he doesn't want me. Nor will he be getting over his soulmate.
I heard his footsteps move around the bed.
And then I felt his hands on me
!!!
I shot my eyes open as he grabbed me and picked me up in his arms
“Azef!?!?” I looked at him in horror while he began to turn around and walk towards the door, “What are you doing?”
“I’m taking you out,” He said
“Why?”
“You need fresh air,”
“I don’t want it,” I squirmed, “Leave me be,” I tried to get out of his embrace but he tightened his grip on me
“No,” He walked out of the room, “Being miserable won’t do you any good,”
“So what?” I got annoyed, “It’s not like I can do anything!”
“I told you I’d get her back for you,” He looked at me as he walked through the hallway, “I promise you I’ll get her back. So, what is still bothering you so much that you won’t even leave the bed?!”
YOU! My brain shouted so loud, I heard the word echo in my mind.
You are the one bothering me.
YOU!
I fell in love with you and then I realized I can’t have you.
No
It is not only the fact that I wasn’t for you that’s killing me. I keep telling myself not to think about it but I can’t stop thinking about it.
About the fact that you’ll forget your mate.
She’s dead anyway!
I’m hoping you would forget her and look at me! I was shocked when I got to know I wasn’t your mate, and right after my mind was stuck on the fact that your mate is dead! And if she’s dead, I have a chance.
“What?” He paused at the stairs as we both looked each other in the eye, “What is it?” He asked. I gulped, tears welling in the corners of my eyes as I stared at him.
I parted my lips to speak
But how could I say that? If I tell him all that and he gets angry at me, what will I do then?
I was told werewolves cherish their mates with their lives and many of them are never able to move on if they lose their mate. That’s just how strong the matebond is.
Runy told me that.
“Nothing,” I looked away, “I have nothing to say to you.” My chest constricted.
“You do,” He said, “I can tell,” He began to descend the stairs, “Say it,”
“I don’t want you to hate me,” I whispered and he paused to look at me again.
“I won’t hate you,” He replied back softly but I shook my head.
“I won’t say it.”
“You need to say it,” He said, “If it’s something killing you from the inside, you have to say it.” He began to go down again.
“....” I closed my eyes for a few seconds, letting his footsteps descending down the stairs echo in my ears, then opened them again, “What if I asked you to forget someone and move on?”
He stopped on the last step and looked at me, “What?” I studied his expressions, he had a frown on, “Forget someone and move on?” I nodded, “Who?”
Your mate
She’s dead. Can’t you move on from her?
“Just asking,” I answered, “Can you do something like that?”
He took me out the mansion, “It depends,” He answered, “There are many people I’d rather forget in my life,” Once outside, he put me down on the grass, making me stand next to him, “But there are also many people I will never forget about,” Our bodies faced each other, “And some of them, I won’t move on from.” His words stung, “Ever,” And I wondered if he said that because he had his mate in his mind
But then again, I wouldn’t know.
His answer was ambiguous, just like my question and because of that, we still stood at point zero.
“Who is it?” He asked, “Who do you want me to forget?”
The wind moved past us, but as I stared at him who was looking into my eyes.
Then I looked down in shame.
Can I say it?