Chapter 194 His past
>>Azef
I sat on the floor, leaning against the cold, bare wall. My room was nearly empty, just a mattress in one corner and a small table where my school books lay untouched.
I rarely ever went to school. It was on days my Mom allowed it but those days don’t really come anymore. Not after she started locking me in the room.
But well the kids in my school don’t like me either. I looked down at my clothes, they say I’m dirty. But I try to keep my clothes clean…
How am I dirty?
But I did like going to school. There was something about school that was a lot better than being in this house. That place was brighter, but this house is gloomy
And I hate the way it smells.
When mom opens the door, she smells so bad that I don’t want to go near her.
The walls were a drab gray, and the only light came from the small window low on the opposite wall. I felt like I was drowning in silence, the monotony of my days pressing down on me. Grounded indefinitely, I had no idea when—or if—I'd ever be allowed out.
But I had stopped making a fuss. Because if I did, mother wouldn’t let it slide. She would always smack me with something. Whatever she could get her hands on.
This is better than being beaten.
The only sounds were the occasional creak of the floorboards and the distant hum of life beyond my door. I hugged my knees to my chest, feeling the weight of my isolation pressing down on me. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt happy.
I had heard two people going toward mom’s room, so I guess her boyfriend is here…
A soft tapping broke the silence. At first, I thought I’d imagined it, but the knock came again, a little louder this time. I looked up at the window, my heart skipped a beat. There, peering through the glass, was a girl who looked a few years younger than me. She had bright, curious eyes and a mischievous smile that seemed so out of place against the bleakness of my room.
She waved at me, her hand fluttering like a bird. I hesitated for a moment, then raised my own hand in a tentative wave. Her smile widened, and she motioned as if to ask if she could come inside. My heart sank. I knew the rules: no one was allowed in, and I wasn’t allowed out. I shook my head slowly, trying to convey my apology through the glass.
Her smile faltered, but she didn’t leave. Instead, she pressed her hand against the window, looking at me with such determination. I felt a flicker of something inside of me as I watched her.
I stood up and pressed my hand against the glass, feeling the cold barrier that separated us.
“Open the window,” She said
I shook my head at her, “It’s locked from the outside,”
“Huh?” She was confused, “Why would it be locked from the outside?”
I pointed at the corner of the window. Outside the window, in the corner, was an old traditional lock that kept the window from opening.
“Oh…” I looked at the girl. I don’t feel at ease with people but why do I like her already? I’ve only just met her. This is so weird
She was so pretty
“Why are you here?” I asked
“I followed my dad,” She said
“To where?”
“He went in this house,” She said.
Oh
He must be mom’s boyfriend. Wait- He’s her dad?
Oh… so this time it’s a guy who’s cheating on someone with mom.
“You shouldn’t follow people like this,” I told her, “It’s dangerous.”
“I wanna come inside the house,” She ignored my warning.
“You can’t, the window’s locked.”
Her smile faltered, but then she glanced at the lock on the window. Her eyes lit up with determination, and to my surprise, she pulled a couple of bobby pins from her hair. I watched, bewildered, as she started to work on the lock with a focused expression.
What was she doing?
I wanted to tell her to stop, but I was too stunned to speak. And… I didn’t want her to go away.
I pressed my hand against the glass and watched her struggle with the lock.
“I don’t think it will open just with that.”
“But I was able to open a lock like this before!” She insisted, the frown on forehead increases as she applied more focus.
I didn’t say anything after that and quietly watched her.
Her hands moved quickly, and I could see the lock beginning to give way under her efforts. My breath caught in my throat as I realized she might actually get it open. I felt a mix of fear and excitement. Part of me wanted to see her succeed, but the other part of me was terrified of what might happen if she did.
What if Mom finds out that someone opened the lock?
Finally, with a soft click, the lock gave way. She looked up at me with triumph in her eyes, her smile returning. My heart pounded as I realized the window could now be opened. She motioned for me to help her lift it, and with trembling hands, I reached up and slid the window open, the cool breeze of the outside world hitting my face for the first time in what felt like forever.
WOAH!
I then looked at her, popping my head out from the window, I noticed she was standing on the tin boxed mom had thrown away.
“Let me in!!” She exclaimed and I made way for her.
She climbed in, her movements quick. Her body fell on the floor after the struggle to get inside but she didn’t let that bother her and stood up again. As she stood in my room, she looked around and then back at me, her eyes full of warmth and determination.
“I made it in!!”
“Yea…” I was baffled, “You did…” Then I came back to my senses, “What are you going to do now?”
“Uh…” She looked at the door, “I’ll go meet my dad!” She began to march towards the door happily. I would have stopped her. I honestly don’t want her to see what her dad is doing here, but I just stood there and let her get to the door.
She tiptoed and reached the door knob with some difficulty, but when she turned the door knob and tried to open it, the door didn’t budge.
“Hmm?’ It seemed to confuse her, so she tried again.
But the door didn’t move at all and she started rattling it.
“What’s this?” She frowned and tried to move it violently, but nothing happened, “What’s wrong with this??!”
“It’s locked from the outside too.” I replied and her mouth hung open
“Whhhat!?” She couldn’t believe it, “Wait,” She turned to look at me, “Do you always stay in this room?”
I nodded at her and her expressions seemed to get worse, “Always?”
“Almost always,”
She looked down with a sorrow filled expression, “That’s sad,”
“....” I didn’t reply to that immediately, “It’s not that bad,” I eventually said, “She does feed me.” I omitted the word, ‘sometimes’
“But you’re so thin,” She walked over to me, then looked at me from top to bottom, “Thinner than me.” She showed me her arm and then grabbed mine with her free hand, “Look,” She compared our bodies.
I quietly looked. She was right. I was thinner than her.
But it was probably because she was eating three meals a day… Everyday…
“I’ll be better when I grow up,” I said
She stared at me, “Why are you locked in this room?”
I shrugged at her, not answering.
My mother locked me here because I once walked in her room while she was with another one of her boyfriends. She and him were naked in the same bed. That man of hers was shocked when he saw me.
‘You have a kid?’ He made a disgusted face and threw her off of him. Then he left her without paying for anything and she got angry.
She beat me up that day
Then locked me in this room. I haven’t gotten out since that day. The wounds have healed though… Almost
“Okay, who locked you in here?” She asked
“My mom,” I answered
“You have a bad mom,” She said and shook her head in denial, “You don’t have any friends either?”
I shook my head at her, “How can I have friends when I can’t leave this place?” It was so weird. Why do I feel so comfortable with her? I’ve never felt this way with anyone. I want to talk to her and I want to meet her everyday.
I’ve never wanted to talk like this with anyone either.
Yea, the kids at school don’t want to talk to me, and I feel isolated. And I never approach them either, I didn’t like the way they all stared at me.
But I want to talk to her.
Something is strange inside me? I feel like there’s someone else inside of me that loves that she’s here.
Odd…
“Then, do you want to be my friend?” She extended her hand to me.
Something inside of me made me nod immediately and I took her hand and shook it. She smiled
“We’re friends now!” She jumped in excitement and it was fun to watch her. After three jumps, she looked at me again, “Then tell me something,”
“Hmm?”
“Is there any way I can get out and meet my dad?”
…
I don’t think she should go and meet her Dad. He would know she followed him and he won’t let her come here again.
“Didn’t you try the front door?” I asked
“I did,” She paused, “I can’t reach the bell, but I tried to knock on it… No one opened up though.”
“Yea,” I chose to lie, “The door doesn’t open for kids.”
“Oh…” Her face dropped, “Okay…” She then looked up at me again. Her eyes saw something that caught her attention, “How did you get hurt?” She moved towards me, her hand traveled to my neck, “It’s blue here.” She then noticed my eyes, “And the place under your eyes is dark too…”
“Yea,” This is the part that hasn’t healed yet, “I fell,”
“Oh,” She patted it gently, then blew on it.
!!!
“What are you doing?” I asked as I took a step away, placing my hand on my neck.
“I’m blowing on it so that it heals fast!” She was excited to tell me that.
That is not how it works though. Who told her that?
She gave me a big smile and I didn’t feel like correcting her.
“Okay,” I nodded and brought my hand down, “Thanks,”
She then looked around the room again, “You have no toys,”
“Yea,” I looked around the place with her, as if I don’t stare at this empty place daily, “My mom never bought me any.”
“Where’s your dad?” She asked
I shrugged, “I don’t know,”
“Tch,” She clicked her tongue and then walked back to the window, “Well, I’m going to leave”
“Wait!” She was about to cross over the window, “Will you come back?”