Chapter 165 My wolf
>>Azef
“How is she doing?” I asked Runy as I entered the packhouse.
“Not good,” She stepped forward, taking my coat from me that I took off, “She hasn’t eaten anything and she refuses to come out of her room.” Runy let out a sigh, “She looks like she’s completely broken.”
I understand that she’s devastated, but this isn’t right. She should at least eat. If it’s just about Eris being taken away, I can get her back. Does she think no one can do anything for her? Is that why she’s broken down? Did she not think that I could do that for her?
“It’s alright,” I looked at her, “I’ll talk to her, bring some soup for her a while after I go in,”
“Yes sir,” She gave me a short bow and I made my way up the stairs to go to her room.
>>Seraphina
I was on the bed with the curtains closed and the room dark. Tears streamed silently down my cheeks, tracing the contours of my face while I had no motivation to move my body or even try to get up.
I never thought there would be a place worse than where I was most of my life but here I am.
Eris was my sole tether to this world, she was who motivated me to go to work. She wasn’t only my sister, she was like my child. I have raised her since she was born.
A sense of desolation seemed to seep into every crevice of my existence. Each breath felt like a laborious task, as if the air itself had turned thick and viscous, making it difficult to draw in the oxygen I so desperately need to sustain me.
But it wasn’t just the gaping void left by my sister's departure that clawed at my insides. It was the bitter sting of betrayal, the searing pain of shattered illusions. It was something I did to myself. I fell in love with a werewolf who already had a soulmate. And I was foolish enough to think it was me. I was stupid enough to think I could mean the world to someone and I let myself fall further into despair because of that.
Tears stream down my cheeks unchecked, mingling with the ache in my chest until I could no longer distinguish one from the other.
I was lost
I was so down in the dumps I didn’t care if I stopped breathing at the moment. I closed my eyes, wanting never to wake up again when I heard scratching on the door.
???
Scratching????
I opened my eyes again and looked at the door. The scratching sound was coming from there. It was like someone was sliding his fingers on the door. I kept my eyes on the door but I didn’t have the energy to get up.
That’s when the doorknob turned, I watched silently as the door opened in my direction. I couldn’t immediately see who it was since the door was blocking my view but a second later I saw a nose.
???
Then a face appeared. The face of an animal
!!
“Azef?” I whispered his name as he entered the room in his wolf form. He looked at me, then walked over, jumped on the bed and slid in next to me, Sitting down with his eyes on me.
I stared at him.
Why did he come here in this form? My hand moved on its own as I noticed his fur but I was so out of energy, my arm fell before I could reach him.
His eyes went wide when he noticed how lethargically my arm fell. He lowered his body further, whining as he tugged at my arm with his nose but didn’t say anything. He looked worried and that made my heart ache.
I wondered
Can he not speak in his wolf form?
…
That would make sense
He slipped into my arms, moving closer to my body but it was uncomfortable for me and I think he immediately noticed that. So he began to move again, I don’t know why but I just let him do it. Maybe I had no energy to stop him, so I let it happen.
He went around my head, curving his body, taking me into his embrace. Now I had my head on his side, right in the middle of his body.
He watched me and I raised my head to look at him. His fur was soft enough that it was making me feel comfortable and for some strange reason I was feeling better, it felt like I had more power in me than before.
Odd
I felt sleepy for some reason. I haven't been able to sleep properly because even though I am tired, whenever I close my eyes I dream of Eris being snatched away from me and then I find myself in darkness. That part is always followed by Azef appearing in front of me. I look at him, he looks at me, and then he walks off.
And I’m left all alone in despair, unable to move, unable to stand up, unable to speak.
The fear consumes me, and I wake up sweating like crazy while I’m panting intensely.
The same nightmare comes to haunt me every time I sleep, so I couldn’t rest.
Yet my eyelids felt heavy, and my eyes wanted to close. Maybe I was simply exhausted at this point. Not that I had moved from the bed at all but my mind was constantly running bad thoughts.
I found solace in the simple comfort of Azef's fur. Despite the tumultuous storm raging within me, his presence offered a fleeting sense of reassurance, a small anchor in the vast sea of uncertainty.
It was strange, I knew I wasn’t his mate, yet there was this thought in the back of my mind that was making me even more miserable.
I watched him and he stared back at me, nuzzling the side of my head to calm me down.
I pursed my lips in pain. My feelings were a mess.
His mate is dead. I gulped. That means I have no competition, he could like me, fall for me, and choose me as his mate.
He could be my wolf
….
I felt pathetic thinking like that yet I couldn’t stop it.
Drawing closer to him, I buried my face in his soft fur, relishing the warmth and familiarity it provided. Somehow, in the gentle rhythm of his breathing, I found a fleeting sense of hope, a momentary respite from the relentless ache in my heart.
Maybe he can choose me now. Maybe, he can fall for someone else other than his mate and choose me.
As sleep gradually overtook me, I was enveloped by strange thoughts. The tension seeped from my muscles, replaced by a gentle lethargy that lulled me into a state of oblivion.
I didn’t dream this time.
When I finally stirred from my restless sleep, I noticed a man sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to me. The curtains were half open, so the place was better lit than before. It was still morning, which meant I might have slept for an hour or so.
He noticed my movement and looked back at me.
It was Azef, he was back in his human form now, all dressed up, “You’re up,” He passed me a soft smile which made my heart ache. There was a gentle look in his eyes that I wanted to steal.
“Yea,” I managed to sit up as I whispered the word and looked away.
“Eat,” He swirled the soup spoon in the soup as he turned his body in my direction. I shook my head at him. I had no appetite, “You haven’t eaten anything in three days,”
I still shook my head
"Here," He said gently, offering me the bowl. "You need to eat. It'll give you some energy, make you feel better."
I shook my head again, my appetite nonexistent, but Azef remained undeterred. With a quiet resolve, he sat beside me on the bed, spoon in hand.
!!!
I wasn’t expecting that he would try to feed me himself
"Come on," He urged as he scooped the soup and brought the spoon to my mouth, his voice soft yet insistent. "Just a few spoonfuls." I stared at him in shock.
Why is he doing this? My pupils shook and my thoughts seemed to jumble up.
Reluctantly, I allowed him to guide the spoon to my lips, the warmth of the soup flooding my senses as I took a hesitant sip. It was comforting, in a way I hadn't expected, the familiar taste brought a fleeting sense of solace amidst the chaos of my emotions.
"That's it," Azef encouraged, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "See? It's not so bad."
And so, spoonful by spoonful, he fed me and I allowed him to do it. Why? Probably because it was making me feel good. It was giving me more false hope that he was interested in me.
As the last of the soup disappeared. I stared at the bowl in disbelief.
Then I felt awful. What am I doing? What am I eating for? I have nothing left but some stupid delusions in my mind.
Azef was staring at me, he was watching my mood go down. He let out a soft breath, and put the bowl on the side, “I know Eris meant the world to you,” He looked back at me while I stared down at the mattress in misery, “Seraphina,”
!!!
Whenever he calls my name, my heart jumps.
“She was my world,” I whispered
“She is,” He corrected me, “Don’t lose hope,” His hands reached out for me, gently cupping my cheeks and making me look up at him, “I will get her back for you,” He said
I stared at him, my eyes devoid of emotion since nothing sounded like it could actually happen.
“You seem to care a lot about Eris,” I said, “Why?” There is no reason for him to help me out this much. Get Eris back for me?
Why would he go out of his way to do that?