Chapter 130 The feeling of shame
>>Seraphina
What?
I stared at Azef as his words processed in my mind.
He was the one who pushed me down that hill?? I blinked at him in confusion.
It's a memory from years ago but I do recall the specifics. I stared at Azef's hair, the same ash-gray hair that boy had. I looked at his eyes. Yes, those gray eyes, they look the same too.
"I thought I killed you," He relaxed back into the chair, "Funny, it was traumatic for me."
Traumatic for you?
It was traumatic for me!
"I did almost die," I clenched my jaw, "You did 'almost' kill me," I didn't know how to take this information and how to react.
He looked at me with a softer expression, and it looked like he was ashamed of himself, "Sorry," I wasn't expecting him to apologize and it caught me off guard.
"Oh well," I got even further confused, "It's fine I guess, the incident did cause my parents to reconcile, they were struggling but seeing me almost die brought them together again," I just blurted it out
"Ask me," He said out of the blue
"What?"
"Ask me for anything you like," He had a serious expression on, "I'll give it to you,"
I blinked at him in confusion, "Ask for anything I like?" What's going on all of the sudden? He's offering me anything?
"Anything?" I asked to make sure, "You'll listen to my request?"
He nodded, "Tell me, what do you want?"
I guess he really does feel guilty. We were both kids back then and it must have weighed a lot on his mind if he thought he killed me.
It really must have been traumatic for him too.
"Just," My eyes wandered around for a moment before dropping to my lap, "Don't fire me," I said softly, then I looked at him, "I want to keep my job."
"That's all?" He seemed a little surprised, like he was expecting me to ask for something more.
I nodded, "That's all," What else was I supposed to ask for? For him to pay all of my debt? He would laugh at me if I said something like that and I might even run out of this request. I would like to take my chances with what I know I can get.
"Alright..." He seemed disappointed and stood up to leave, "Don't worry, I'll take care of the men who harassed you today." He walked towards the door, "You can continue working there."
A soft wave of relief passed through my chest, "Thank you," I felt better knowing I still had a job but he didn't spare me a glance and opened the door to leave, "Oh!" I remembered something as he stepped out the door, "Did you find Dad?"
He shook his head, stopping only for a second to answer me, "Not yet,"
"I see..."
And then he closed the door behind him.
'Dear Mom, I managed to save my job. I'm going to continue working there even though I almost got killed by the hands of gangsters. The job is hectic and can get overwhelming at times but the pay is better than any other part-time job out there.' I pressed the send button,
'I thought the boss would be a total ass, but he's not all that bad,' I pressed sent again and then looked at the manager's office door. I get paid today, so I was sitting on the stool outside the office waiting to be called in.
Azef agreed to listen to any request of mine. Must be out of guilt
I looked down at my chest.
I never thought I'd be meeting the one who caused me to have the ugliest part of my body but that small incident that happened years ago helped me get money to get by.
I was called into the office and a check was handed to me.
"Thank you!" I thanked the manager and left the nightclub. I had come in the morning to clean the place and I'd be coming again in the night but before that, I should take care of the money I just got.
I clutched the envelope containing my paycheck tightly as I navigated the bustling streets, my heart soaring with a rare sense of relief. The weight of financial uncertainty lifted momentarily, replaced by a fleeting glimpse of hope for a better tomorrow.
I'll buy something nice for Eris to eat today. She's always home alone and we haven't eaten anything proper yet she hasn't complained. I'll get her something delicious today!
I smiled to myself
But fate had other plans. A stray crack in the pavement caught me off guard, and before I could react, I stumbled, the envelope slipping from my grasp.
NO!
Horror washed over me as the check fluttered through the air, dancing on the whims of the wind before coming to a rest on the pavement.
OH! Whew! I got up to get it, running towards it with a stressed face, when a person stepped on it right when I crouched down to get it.
!!!
"Excuse me," I tried being polite, "There's something of mine under your foot." As my hand approached the piece of paper, the stranger's mocking laughter filled the air, their foot pressing down on the check with deliberate intent.
It caught me off guard, and made me feel small.
I had to beg, "Please, I need that!"
The stranger's smirk widened, their mocking tone a painful reminder of my vulnerability. The weight of their foot seemed to crush my hopes along with the check, and a surge of helplessness washed over me.
OH GOD! I hope the check is safe in the envelope!!
"Looks like someone's having a bad day." They taunted me
I stood frozen, trapped in a moment where my aspirations lay crushed beneath the heel of indifference, "Why would you do that to someone's hard earned money?" I looked at them from below, waiting for an opportunity where he'll remove his foot a little and I'll be able to get my money back
"Hard earned?" Another one of them taunted, "I know you work at a nightclub," He mocked, "Hard earned my foot. All you must do is shake that ass of yours,"
The bystanders, drawn by the spectacle, joined in the mockery as they whispered amongst themselves.
"What is she? A strip dancer?"
"She definitely has the face,"
"And the body,"
Their whisperings were making me conscious of everything around me. Shame burned hot in my cheeks as I struggled to keep myself calm, my hands trembling with a mixture of anger and despair.
"I work as a waiter," I made sure to keep my voice from shaking, "Please," I clenched my fists, "I need that check." I felt a wave of humiliation wash over me, suffocating any semblance of pride I clung to.
If one looks at the check, it wouldn't look like much money. But it was all I had on me. I needed it desperately. I needed it to buy food. I needed it to feed my little sister.
They all looked at each other, rolled their eyes and then let out a chuckle, "Whatever you say doll,"
He removed his foot and I immediately picked the check and stood up. I didn't face them. I couldn't
My cheeks burned with shame
And I ran straight home.
It's alright. Things like this always happen. There are jerks all around the world. I just have poor luck. I can deal with this.
I clenched onto the check in my hand and took a deep breath before entering the apartment.
"Eris, I'm home,"
"Sera," Eris's voice was weak and it got me concerned. I ran to the lounge where she was sitting on the couch and crouched down to see what was wrong,
"What's wrong?" Her voice was weak and that scared the hell out of me, "Eri?" Her face was pale as well.
She had her arms in front of her stomach, "I'm reaaallllyyyy hungry,"
...
I paused in surprise, then let out a sigh of relief.
OH! Thank God that was all.
"I ordered some rice and chicken," I patted her head, "It'll be here soon," I placed the order when I was standing outside the apartment.
She nodded at me and then passed me a smile. I smiled back at her but my heart hurt.
I couldn't help but think how cruel this all was to Eris too. She can't go anywhere and being a little kid, she can't even get anything to eat for herself. We don't have much for ourselves, so the fridge is almost always empty.
...
And I can't fill the fridge either because I need to pay back the debt.
I took Eris's hands in mine and softly caressed them.
"I'll make sure there's something in the fridge for you to eat, okay?"
She nodded back at me, "Okay,"
"Be sure to heat it up before eating." I looked at her cute round face, "You know how to use the microwave oven, right?"
She nodded again, "Yea,"
I felt like hugging her but right before I could do it, the bell rang.
Hmm?
Is the delivery already here? I stood up to go answer the door. That was fast.
I went ahead and opened the door but only when I had made that mistake did I realize I shouldn't have done that.
My eyes went wide and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach when I saw who was standing in front of me.