Chapter 154: SIENNA’S POV

Chapter 154: SIENNA’S POV
My small body was thrown in the dark murky ocean. Once I resurfaced, my lungs were heaving, gulping for air. My shaky hands were trying help me stay afloat but something tugged my foot and forcefully yanked me down in the depths of the dark ocean.

The ocean was so dark, I couldn't see a thing. I tried to fight but my small body can only do so much. The grip on my foot was so strong it was hard to fight against it. So, I just let it pull me down. Down to the dark depths of the ocean until there was no fight in me left.

Papa…..can you hear me? I'm about to join you and mama soon….

My body jerked me awake. I looked around confused and the realization hit me I was in Blake's room. When I looked beside me, he was on his side and quite far from me. I couldn't even reach out and touch him. How odd. This is a first, he always slept holding me.

I shivered and when I checked the time, it was past four in the morning. I got out of bed and looked for something to wear. Since my camisole was ripped, I had to borrow his shirt and silently left his room and went to mine.

Once I found my Mickey Mouse shirt and a comfortable sleep shorts, I padded my way to the kitchen with my phone in hand. There was a soft light in the kitchen and I went over to grab a glass and poured myself some orange juice.

I sat on the barstool and contemplated calling Kyle. My dreams are back and the only person who used to comfort me possibly hates my guts. It doesn't matter; I needed to hear his voice.

After a few rings, he picked up. "Hello?" a woman's sleepy voice answered. I tensed. I certainly didn't expect that. "Hello?" she asked again.

"Hi—could I possibly speak with Kyle?"

There was some rustling and a few murmurs then Kyle came on the phone. "Hello?" He sounded annoyed.

"Kyle? It's Sienna."

"What's wrong? Did something bad happen?" he sounded panicky.

"No—everything's okay. I didn't mean to wake you and your friend. I'm sorry. I'll call some other time." I ended the call before he had a chance to respond.

What is wrong with me? Why do I feel hurt? Kyle deserves to be happy. But I'm selfish and I felt simply devastated. I suppose that part between Kyle and me is kaput. I should be happy, but the feeling of loss was much greater. Now, the man I chose couldn't be bothered sleeping close to me. This was probably a case of feeling abandoned.

I felt a movement behind me and I jerked around. "Sorry to startle you, but are you alright?" Clive asked, wearing only jeans and his chiseled chest. Damn, that's hot. My tear ducts stopped threatening tears at the sight of him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked suspiciously.

"I heard some commotion, that's why I came downstairs to check. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but the house is rather quiet so it was easy to hear you."

Hell, the entire conversation? "Oh."

"Yeah—I gather your ex Kyle was with another woman then?" Clive strolled to the other side, pulled a chair and sat across from me.

"Yup." I stared at the granite counter-top replaying the voice of the woman.

My phone started ringing and Kyle's name flashed on the screen. I tensed again. "Go on—take the call." Clive pressed.

"Hello?"

"Baby, are you okay?"

"Kyle, you're going to get yourself in trouble—go back to her."

"Nah. It's not like that—I already got her a cab and she just left."

"Oh. I see." I signaled Clive that I'll step outside a moment and speak to Kyle privately.

I turned towards the terrace doors and quietly went outside. I walked over to the balustrade and studied the dark glittering sea before me. I shuddered remembering my dream.

"My dreams are back."

"Your nightmares? The ones you'd scream most nights? Like the ones you're being chased by a coffin or being murdered?" Sigh, the man knows everything about it.

"Not those ones—but my dreams from early childhood. The closet dream and the one when I drowned in the ocean are both back."

"Fuck, Si—I'm sorry. Are you all alone? Where's Blake or Chad?" he sounded stressed out. My eyes started to tear again. He'll always care for me and I love him for it.

"They're asleep—it's almost five in the morning here."

"Is there anything that I can do? Do you want to stay on the phone with me? I wouldn't mind—I love hearing your voice anyway."

"I would like that very much—you can hang-up the second you hear me snoring. Thank you—this is the sweetest thing you've ever done for me."

"I'm always here for you, Si. You know that." His assurance gave me comfort—just a wee bit. How I wished it was Blake, but that's wishful thinking.

"I'm going back in the house, give me a sec."

I went inside the villa and went upstairs. I didn't see Clive anywhere. I guess he went back to his room. I stealthily walked towards my bedroom and slipped my body in the sheets.

"So, who was that woman—" I stopped mid-sentence when I heard someone outside my door. "Shit—I have to go. I'll call you later. I promise and thank you for being here." I whispered and cut the call short. Blake was hovering above me, ready to pounce.

"Who was that on the phone?" Blake's accusing voice pierced through me.

I sighed and counted from one to ten. I closed my eyes and prayed for him to march outside the door and go back to where he came from. I can't deal with him right now. He's too much at the moment when my mind is still going through the after effects of my scary dream.

My phone was yanked away from my clasp and he tried to unlock it. Without luck, he asked again in angered tone. "You were speaking to Kyle weren't you?"

I sighed again. Damn, my prayers are going unanswered. "Yes, I was."

"Why would you do that? Why would you sneak out of my bedroom and call him at this ungodly hour?" He sounded livid.

"Because—because my nightmares are back and he's the person who used to calm me down." My voice sounded like a small child. Like the small child who drowned in my dreams. It's scary how during each dream I always call out papa. What does that mean?

"What nightmares? You never have nightmares!"

"I used to get them almost on a daily basis after my dad died and when I moved in with my Aunt. It started to subside a year before I left for London. But I've been having it again. It started when I got that call from LA last Saturday. It's been happening since then."

He cursed and raked a hand through his hair. He slid next to me and cradled my head on his chest. "I'm such a bastard. I'm sorry—I had no clue. These nightmares….what are they usually about?"

"I'll tell you someday…but not tonight."

"As you wish, do you want me to sleep here with you?" he whispered against my ear and spooned my body against his.

I nodded and sighed contently.

He kissed my neck and nuzzled it. "I'm here for you too, poppet. You have to learn to start leaning on me too."

My body tensed. "How could I possibly do that? It's obvious you hate me and when I woke up totally freaked out, you were so far away from me. You've never done that. You always held me close when we slept together. Tonight was just a huge wake-up call. Maybe the damage is irreparable….maybe I just have to accept that it's over between us."

Luce even is managing to paddle forward. Why can't I?

I tried to move away but his hand was a steel band holding me against his body. "You promised me, Sienna. You said you'd try." He sounded sad all of a sudden.

"I know—but it won't work. We both know it. You hate me and yet you can't get enough of having sex with me. I don't think I want this kind of relationship with you. I wanted what you and I had before—before things got so messed up and complicated."

"You are right. I do hate you, Sienna. But at the same time I do love you. It's rather maddening. It doesn't matter if I hate you or love you, but all I know is I want to have you in my life and in my bed."

"Great. What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that I still do love you but I don't trust you. It means that I can't get enough of you. I'm going crazy when you're not with me."

I turned around and looked at him. "But what do I do? If you don't trust me then—there's no future for us." The realization hit me hard.

"No—we could still have a future. I just need to trust you again."

"This happened when I slept with Kyle, right?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Isn't that a little too extreme when you were doing hundred times worse that I did? That was the only time I slept with him. Couldn't you find it in you to forgive me?"

"I don't know how to do that or where to even forgive you. Ever since that night in your apartment, I haven't touched another woman except you. Because I knew that nothing will ever compare to you again. But you left and fucked him a day after I had you. Do you know how I felt then? I wanted to kill you."

"It was just so chaotic. My thoughts were so jumbled with you and Camilla out that night. When Kyle showed up—I took the easy way out. That night he couldn't take his hands off me but retreated. But the next day, it became nostalgic and familiar—it just happened."

He grunted and held me tighter. "I don't want to hear any more sordid details. That's enough."

"So, what do we do now? The only solution I can think of is to walk away from each other and leave it at that."

"Do you love Kyle?"

"I do. I love him—but I love you more….I'm in love with you, Blake."

"That should be enough reason for you to stay then?"

I shook my head. "No, it isn't." I want it all and it seems like he isn't capable of it. Well, not anymore.

"Then we'll compromise—stay with me and we'll work this out together. It might be a slow progress but I promise to try building my trust in you again."

Hope flourished….

I smiled. "You promise?"

He kissed me. "Yes, I promise." Cupping my cheek, he stared into me. "I love you, Sienna….so much." His voice was so thick with emotion, I became undone.

My heart soared. God, finally! Progress.

"I love you Blake." Taking his lips and kissing him until I almost died with happiness.

We made love twice until we were too exhausted to move. When it was time for him to get up for work, he left my bed and went back to his room to shower and change.

He stopped by again and gently woke me. "I have to go to work for a few hours. There's a meeting that I can't reschedule, unfortunately." He kissed my neck and I moaned. Loved what he's doing to me, loved how much he's changed since our little talk.

"You don't have time for a quickie?"

Blake grumbled. "Bloody hell…how I want to take you right now and bury myself deep within you but I can't, I'm running late. I have to go back to London later this afternoon. Do you want to join me, cara?"

"Hell yes! You're not about to escape me, Knightly."

He slapped my ass and kissed me senseless. "Good, I don't plan to escape your begrudging hold. I will be back around two then we'll head out together to the airport?"

"Ahhmmmm." I was distracted by him and how hot he looked.

I wanted to devour him whole. God, he looked so sexy in his black Armani suit. My eyes landed on his crotch and I unknowingly licked my lips.

He groaned and muttered. "Woman, you are shameless."

"Can we just—for a bit—just…" he groaned again and took my lips.

My hands went directly to undo his pants. He took his suit off and I pushed his underwear off. Once his cock sprung free, he instantly shoved it inside me. We both moaned in unison. He started off slow, wanting to savor each stroke but I didn't want him to be late.

"Blake! Hurry quickly….meeting….or you'll be late!" I said in between kisses.

He grabbed my hips and fucked hard.

PERFECT!

He screamed my name as we came together, his body tensed. I felt his cock pulsated thickly, squirting his seed inside me.

I shoved him off me, "GO! Or you'll be late!" I spanked his nice sculpted ass.

He barked out loud. "Brilliant! I feel so used just about now!" He got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself up.

I was still lying on the bed, quite content and happily sated when he came out. He bent over and gave me a long sweet kiss. "I love you"

"I love you Blake." With another kiss I marched him out the door.

His amused look made my day.

I sighed happily, went to grab my robe and wrapped it around my satiated body. I'm in love……my dreams can't even chase them away.

Once in the kitchen, I brewed coffee and made a cheese omelet.

"Buenas diaz, Magda." I smiled at her.

"Buenas diaz, my ass! Come here you!" Chad ran towards me, picked me up and squeezed me until I ran out of air.

"Uh, good morning to you too?"

"Oh, shut up! When I saw Blake on his way out, he gave me a jolly high-five. So, I was like 'huh?' Now, I see you have the same look. Sooooo, I'm guessing you two made up and are going to be bumping uglies forever and ever?"

"We did make up—we're back together again. Although, we have a lot to work out still—but the best part is we're doing it together! Gosh, Chad—I'm so happy!" I placed the omelet in between us, handed him a fork and we shared it.

"You deserve it, chica! You so do. Anyhow, Luce left two hours ago. Can you believe what she said last night? I didn't sleep well because of that." He grabbed my coffee and took a long sip.

"I mean—if it makes her happy…."

"I know, I guess some things just don't last huh? Life is shitty like that."

"True—but when it gives you butterflies, it makes it all worthwhile. And you are getting oodles of butterflies from Luke."

"I definitely am baby love! So, what's the plan today? Everyone seemed to have vanished overnight!"

"Blake's picking me up later at two. He's taking me back to London town."

His eyes bulged out. "Hello? I want to go too. Luke left on the first plane out back to London."

What about his therapy? I don't even know if going back would be safe. It's just too early for that.

"You have to ask Blake about it," I replied. "He's in charge of this situation. I mean—you two had this deal thing. I'm not coming in between that. You two sort it out."

Chad seriously looked deflated. He sighed loudly and finished my entire coffee.

"Dude—you finished my entire coffee, you better make me a new one!"

"Bummer." he muttered as he sauntered to where the coffee pot was located.

It was one thirty when I came out of the shower. I was already packed and ready to go at eleven. Chad and I danced for a solid hour and half. The whole session revived my body.

I'm still a little worried about what Blake and I have at this moment and for some reason I feel like I should bring it up again. Things happened quickly last night and we didn't really underscore the important facts. With my robe on, I walked out of the bathroom towards the bedroom to get my phone with a small towel to dry out my wet hair.

I called Dr. Murray and informed her about my recent change of plans and cancelled today's session. I made an arrangement to conduct the sessions over the phone. She booked Tuesday and Thursday afternoon for me. I somehow feel comforted by this, knowing I have someone to talk to without malice or without judging me.

My phone beeped with a text message as I entered the bathroom to do my make-up. It was from Kyle. Hey! Just checking if you're okay? I know how freaked out you were last night. I'm here whenever you need me. I miss you badly.

I miss him too but I don't know how Blake would react if I continue being close to him. Okay—he'd be furious if he'd found out. But how do I ditch my best friend of over a decade? That's just not possible. I decided to text him back. I'm good! I'm actually going to be back tonight with Blake and hopefully with Chad as well. I miss you too. What's up?

"Babylove! I'll be joining you guys. Blake just got here and he said yes. I have to pack quickly or he'll change his mind or something, ta-ta!" Chad shrieked for a minute then left in a flash. That man is something else entirely. I can't believe he almost killed himself over a month ago. Thank God he didn't succeed, I thought with a pang of guilt.

It doesn't matter how many times Dr. Murray said that it wasn't my fault, I still feel like I could've done something, anything to prevent it. But I guess we all have our own crosses to bear and this is one is mine.

I applied my usual make-up do with tons of mascara, tinted moisturizer and just a swipe of peach gloss. I was dabbing my lips when I saw Blake stared at me in the mirror smiling lazily. My heart accelerated at the sight of him. I guess I have to get used to seeing him smile at me again?

I admit that I got the hang of his usual brooding mood when he's around me.

His hugged me from behind and enveloped me with his large frame. "You've been plaguing my mind since I left the bed this morning. I didn't pay much attention to the damned meeting because all I can think about is you," his husky voice murmured in my ear. My body shivered involuntarily.

With a swift kick of his foot, he closed the door. "Aren't we going to be late? We have to leave soon?" My giggles were high pitched because he was doing a great job driving me crazy, nibbling and biting my earlobe.

"The jet leaves when I say we leave. One of the perks of being the boss."

I closed my eyes as he untied my robe and touched my naked body. "God Blake—" I moaned when his hand started to part my fold. I opened my legs a little wider to give him access. His other hand was teasing my nipple while his lips were still around my ear and neck area, sucking and biting. My hand reached up and touched his head.

"Open your eyes. Watch me touch you. Watch us make love."

Oh, God. This is beyond erotic. This would be