Chapter 147: SIENNA’S POV

Chapter 147: SIENNA’S POV
Opening the building door, I quickly turned left and leaned against the cool marble wall. Truth hurts but when spoken out loud, it obliterates you in half.

I should've kept my opinions to myself but my ever colorful imagination got the best of me. I was getting used to being friendly with him and my irrational self had to go put a damper on it.

I wanted to meet Kyle before I leave for Marbella but decided against it. Instead, I shot him a text message.

Me: Hi. I'm leaving tomorrow with everyone except for Luce. I'm sorry but I don't think I can continue being stuck in this odd position I am now. I need to be alone and deal with my feelings with Blake first. I'm sorry Kyle. I didn't want it to be like this but I don't have a choice. Take care.

It is better this way, I tried to convince myself.

Since I will head straight to the airport after picking up Chad, I immediately started packing. The plan was for me to stay there for five days to a week, depending on how Chad is doing and how accommodating my teachers are. I promised them that I would at least show up for a class once or twice every two weeks. On top of that, I have to turn in my assignments on time.

I decided to hit the sack at nine p.m. I pressed play on my music player and the sound of Pavane by Pablo Segovia Gardel eased my tension. I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep thinking how surreal; I haven't listened to baroque guitar music in awhile….and how odd that it was the first thing that popped up….

Robert, Blake's chauffeur, rang exactly at nine in the morning. I was half-dressed and decided to down my lukewarm coffee. I woke up at eight-ish and lounged around in my half awakened state. By the time I hit the shower, it was twenty before nine. I was in panic mode and I didn't get the chance to put any make-up on. I was dressed in all white with nude Louboutin pumps on. I donned a bright lavender pashmina scarf on to give a splash of color. I left my wet hair down because I didn't get the chance to properly dry it.

With my aviator shades on, I dragged my luggage out the door. Luce quickly shooed me away and promised she will visit in a couple of days. She looked downright haggard. Love has its ups and downs and she's obviously in the down department. How I wish she can just forget about what Toby's parents want and follow her heart.

By the time I reached Chad, he was impatiently tapping his foot on the floor. "Babe—I'm so happy that you're finally out! You look like my Chad with your painted jeans on and sweater. Good riddance hospital garb."

"I thought you changed your mind about picking me up or you were still passed out. But seeing how wet your hair is, I'm assuming that you simply lagged and processed everything this morning like you had a virus or something."

"Whoa, why in the world would I change my mind about picking you up? We're all in this together. Don't forget that okay? Drill it in your beautiful head that we are not going away because the going gets tough. So, just stop it with the pity party because you're stuck with me for the next few days."

Looking radiant, he grabbed my arm and we exited the building.

Robert awaited us and graciously opened the door. "Good day sire, I'm Robert. Mr. Knightly instructed me to take you back to your flat and drive you both to Gatwick."

"Hello Robert, I'm Chad. It's great to meet you," he acknowledged as we both slid into the awaiting Bentley and into the cool confines of soft black leather seats.

"Isn't Blake the best babygirl? I mean hell look at what he's doing for me? He's been so, so good. I feel like I'm going to cry every time I think about what he's done so far. Who would've thought the man has a heart of pure gold? You'd think with all that wealth and aristocratic handsomeness that he would be a twit deep down but lo and behold, the man surpasses everything beyond belief."

I sighed. He was right, but I didn't feel like agreeing and gushing about the great Blake Knightly.

"Silence is golden they say….but aren't you a wee bit regretful turning him down? I mean—come on—Blake proposed and you don't look bothered at all." My friend kept ranting on.

Great, why don't we swap sex stories right where dear old Robert can hear you loud and clear Chad? I wanted to yell but held my tongue.

I don't look bothered, seriously? What the hell was I supposed to do when you find out the man you fell for lied and never once uttered a word about being betrothed? I couldn't just put that aside because I was deeply hurt. We needed time apart and see if being together was something I—we—wanted.

"That's water under the bridge babe. It is what it is." Chad would be appalled how things unfolded after he got admitted in the hospital. But I was saving that overloaded chitchat for when he's settled and happy.

"Seriously, Sienna… I love you but you can be really dumb and stupid sometimes."

What the fuck? Did he really just say that? Grrrr….

"Excuse me?" I glared at his serious expression.

"I do love you babygirl, but this man seriously loved you and you let him go. You're going to cry foul when he finds happiness elsewhere. When you realize how much you need him, he'll be the one to dump your nicely shaped, beautiful ass."

"What do you think, Robert?" Chad asked Blake's driver. I wanted to kick his scrotum sack right then and there.

"Err pardon but were you asking my opinion of Ms. Sienna's bottom, sire?" Hell is a bitch they say. I am beyond red with embarrassment.

"That too—but her turning down your handsome boss like Blake Knightly didn't matter."

Blake mattered, damn it. Chad just doesn't get it. But I didn't want to get riled up when my dear friend is starting to live again. If he thinks my love life is something to be ridiculed at the moment—which it surely is—then I'll let him have a ball with it. I gave up glaring at Chad!

"My sire is a lovely chap. You must be a very special woman if the young sire chose you, Ms. Sienna."

"Uh…thank you," I murmured, mortified.

The trip to Chad's studio was quick. He basically threw everything in his luggage without bother. It was either he doesn't care about packing properly or he wants to immediately leave. I'm assuming it's the latter. Too many ghosts lying around London that he hasn't exorcised yet.

When we met the trio at Gatwick, they were rather gloomy and dismal except for Luke. He and Chad got on instantly. They looked like they knew each other for a long time. I'm sure Blake briefed him about Chad and what's happened. I hoped Luke can talk to him about what he's going through and can shed a different light on our disheartened man.

Do all gays go through the same situation about coming out and coming to terms with their sexual identity? I mean it's hard enough to go through life itself, but add another problem with your sexuality being shunned by your family? That's a lot to take. I know that parents influence their children from the very start and we, us kids, strive hard to please and make our parents proud of us. Their opinion and approval matter. I suppose some parents are understanding and give their full love and support to those who come out of the closet. But if you come across with parents who are like Chad's, how can one survive without stripping yourself bare with hurt, pain and rejection?

We were ushered to a private departure area and boarded Blake's Gulfstream jet. I took in the luxurious soft-hued interior and was overwhelmed by the blatant opulence of my surroundings.

Blake certainly rotates in another orbit. I mean there are people who are living comfortably (me) and then there are people who live with all the comfort that wealth can offer (Blake), the great divide. It must be nice to have a private jet at your beck and call.

I sat next to the glum looking Toby who looked worse for wear. Across from me sat Luke and Chad. Blake was situated on the other opposite side of the plane going through papers and barking out orders on his phone.

A giggly stewardess greeted Toby and I looked up to check who it was. Well, surprise surprise, if it isn't the infamous Ivanna—dressed to the nines with what looked like a stewardess uniform and an Hermes scarf stylishly wrapped around her neck.

"Ivanna, we meet again. What a lovely surprise," Toby drawled (he sounded so fake).

"Yes, good to see you too and you as well Sienna." I gave her a frown/smile. I don't what that must've looked like but that's what it felt like. When she moved past us and went over to Blake's, I looked away.

"You and Luce looked like shit," Chad observed.

I glanced over to his poor state. The boyish easy charm was gone. He looked utterly haunted.

"She broke up with me and I couldn't do much about it," Toby quietly admitted with grief.

"Shut the front door!" Chad exclaimed. "You guys didn't! I saw her yesterday and she didn't say a word. What the hell you guys! No one tells me any juice anymore." Chad pouted and was about to sulk but snapped out of it. He reached for Toby's hand, "Whatever Lucy's on, she'll come out of it soon enough. She loves you hun."

"I doubt that, my family did a superb job in slashing my love life to shreds," he said and focused on work once his laptop came to life.

Dear God, I hate seeing them like this. Everything was downright depressing. With all this shit storm that we've endured, surely there's a light at the end of the tunnel?

It was our third day in Marbella. Blake left for the Middle East the other day which left us with Toby. Luce was supposed to arrive yesterday but moved it back when she learned Blake was going to be in town Saturday. She promised to fly with him.

Toby was utterly miserable and was drunk on a nightly basis. All he does is blabber about his life and complain about Lucy. Sometimes lovingly but most times he wasn't so kind and forgiving.

We just finished our lunch on the terrace overlooking the magnificent Mediterranean Sea. The ten bedroom villa with tennis court, enormous pool and a helipad was purely breathtaking. It was Spanish architecture meets cool contemporary. There was a lot of glass and open space. The deep purple bougainvillea certainly made this sprawling dreamy house even more enchanting.

"Your therapist should be here in a few minutes," I told Chad.

"Are you ready babe?" I eyed his frowning face.

"No—but it is what it is. My last chance—what could go wrong? I hope this helps me. Will you go with me as an emotional support? It would help a great deal."

"It isn't your last chance, hon. It's all up to you if you want it to be or not. If you wish me to be there then who am I to say no to my best gay friend?" I squeezed his shoulders to give him assurance.

Dr. Lauren Murray was in her mid-sixties and had lovely cropped, salt-and-pepper hair. Her eyes would crinkle on the sides every time she smiled (a good sign). Her warm brown eyes made me feel instantly right at home. Chad looked a bit relieved.

After she finished with the basics, she started to probe Chad. "Let's start with your childhood. How was it growing up with devoted Christian parents and being an only child?"

"It was okay I guess. Sometimes I would get pangs of jealousy when I saw other kids play with their siblings but my parents didn't want another child. They said it was too much for them. One kid was perfect they said. I think they put too much hope in me because I was their only kid."

I sat quietly looking at Chad and held his hand for encouragement.

"Did that hope turn into pressure?"

"Yes, it definitely did. If my grades were not stellar, they would make me study another hour or two before I could eat dinner. There was constant pressure for me to be perfect. They wanted me to join and help out our church and I did. I did all they asked of me….until I realized that there was something different about me."

Dr. Murray listened intently and nodded her head indicating for him to go on.

"The bible states that a union is between a man and a woman. I think I was around seven or nine—I'm not so sure but it was around that age. I was a boy and I didn't find any of the girls I knew cute…this was the age when boys my age would scope out girls and blush around them—but I didn't feel of that. The only time I blushed was when I saw Jack Meyers. That got me thinking but I didn't voice it out to anyone. I knew even at a young age my parents wouldn't be pleased about that.

So, I went on with keeping it a secret. When middle school rolled in, my choices in music and clothing geared towards poppy female items. Music wise, I was an avid Madonna and Cindy Lauper fan. My clothing was flashy and fashionable and boys my age noticed the difference. The bullying started in eighth grade and lasted throughout high school. My locker would be spray painted with the word 'FAG,' 'GAY,' 'SINNER' and 'HOMO.' It happened on an almost daily basis so I got used to it. In our small community, everyone knew I was indeed gay but no one ever mentioned this to my parents. People avoided it like it was the big elephant in the room. People from school stayed clear out of me. They thought being close to me would get them a disease or something. So, I was pretty much alone most of the time.

During senior year, I went home late one time because I was so engross