Chapter 19 Anya
My blood turned to ice when I saw him.
Alexei Volkov. The dangerous man from before.
And he was looking at me like I was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.
Nikolai's hand dropped from my face immediately. His whole body went rigid.
"Alexei," Nikolai's voice was cold. "What are you doing in my estate?"
"I was invited to the gathering. Or did you forget? I apologize for coming too late." Alexei moved closer. His eyes never left me. "I heard the interesting news. That the detective's daughter is your mistress now. I had to see for myself."
"You have seen her. Now leave." Nikolai said very coldly.
"But I have not been properly introduced." Alexei stopped right in front of me. Too close. "Hello, little one. Do you remember me?"
I nodded. I could not speak. Fear had stolen my voice.
"Good. I remember you too. You were wearing his shirt that day. I thought it was strange." His eyes moved over my red dress. "But now I understand. You are his pet. His toy. How... disappointing."
"She is none of your concern," Nikolai said. He moved between us. "Go home, Alexei."
"Why so protective? I thought she was just a mistress. Just a body you use." Alexei smiled. "Unless she is more than that. Unless you actually care about Marco Koslov's daughter."
"I do not care about her," Nikolai said flatly. "But she is mine. And I do not share."
"Of course not." Alexei stepped back. But his eyes were still on me. "Tell me, little one. Do you enjoy being his mistress? Do you like being owned by the man who killed your father?"
The words were like knives. I felt tears prick my eyes.
"Answer him," Nikolai ordered coldly.
I forced myself to speak. "I am grateful for the Pakhan's protection."
It was the right answer. The safe answer. The answer that made me sound like a mistress who had accepted her place.
But it felt like betraying my father's memory.
Alexei laughed. "Grateful. How sweet." He turned to Nikolai. "You have trained her well. She says all the right things. But I see the truth in her eyes. She hates you. She is just pretending."
"What she feels does not matter," Nikolai said. "She is mine. That is all that matters."
"For now." Alexei moved towards the door. But he paused and looked back at me one more time. "Be careful, little one. Men like Nikolai destroy everything they touch. And mistresses are very easy to destroy."
Then he was left.
The hallway was silent. I could not stop shaking.
"Go inside," Nikolai said. His voice was tight. "Lock your door. Do not open it for anyone."
"Nikolai…"
"Just do it."
I went inside my room. Locked the door like he said. Then I collapsed on my bed and cried.
Tonight had been horrible. Being paraded in front of all those men. Being touched and displayed like property. Hearing them laugh about me. About my father.
And then Alexei. Looking at me like he knew all my secrets. Like he could see that Nikolai and I were lying.
I cried until there were no more tears. Then I just lay there, staring at the ceiling.
Hours passed. Midnight came. I waited for Nikolai's knock. But it did not come.
One in the morning. Still nothing.
Two in the morning. The lamp burned low. The estate was silent.
Was he not coming? Had tonight changed things? Had Alexei's appearance scared him away?
I tried to sleep. But every time I closed my eyes, I saw those men's faces. Heard their laughter. Felt Nikolai's hand on my waist, holding me like I was nothing.
Just a body he used.
That was what he had told them. That was the story we were selling.
But why did it hurt so much?
Finally, around three in the morning, I heard footsteps. Then a soft knock.
"Come in," I called, my voice cracked.
The door opened. Nikolai entered. He looked exhausted. And angry.
"I am sorry I am late," he said. "I had to make sure Alexei left the estate. And I had to double the guards."
"Because of me," I said, hopefully.
"Because of the situation." He removed his jacket. "Alexei knows about you now. He will use that information. We have to be more careful."
Nikolai sat on the edge of my bed. "Starting tomorrow, you will not go anywhere without guards. You will not speak to anyone I do not approve. You will stay close to me at all times."
"So I will be a prisoner again. Not a mistress."
"You have always been a prisoner," Nikolai said. His voice was tired. "Tonight just made it official."
I pulled my knees to my chest. "This is all because you cannot sleep in the dark."
"Yes." He said flatly.
"So I am suffering because of your weakness." My voice cracked.
Nikolai looked at me. "Yes. You are suffering because I am weak. Because I need you. Because I cannot seem to stay away from you no matter how much I should."
The confession hung in the air.
"Then let me go," I whispered. "If keeping me here hurts me. If it puts me in danger. Just let me go."
"I cannot."
"Why not?!" My voice raised.
"Because..." He stopped and looked away. "Because I do not want to."
"That is selfish." I said without thinking.
"I know." He stood up. "I am many things, Anya. But selfless is not one of them. I am keeping you here because I need you. And I do not care if that makes me a monster."
"You are already a monster," I said. The words came out bitter. "You killed my father. You own me. You paraded me in front of those men tonight like I was nothing. Like I was just a thing to use. You are exactly the monster everyone says you are."
I expected him to get angry. To yell. To hurt me.
But he just nodded. "You are right. I am a monster. And monsters destroy everything they touch."
He moved to the lamp. "I should go. You do not want me here tonight."
"Wait," I said. The word escaped before I could stop it.
Nikolai turned. "What?"
"If you leave, can you sleep? In your room? In the dark?"
He was quiet for a while. "No. I tried earlier. I could not." His voice was low and I could sense the pain in his voice.
"Then stay." I did not know why I said this. After everything tonight, I should want him gone. But I did not. "You need to sleep. So stay."
"You want me to stay? After tonight?" He was surprised.
"No. I do not want you to stay. But I am saying you can anyway." I lay down, turning my back to him. "Just sleep, Nikolai. That is all we do here anyway. Just sleep."
I heard him remove his shoes. Felt the bed shift as he lay down beside me.
We did not touch. Did not speak. We just lay there in the dark.
His breathing slowly evened out. Sleep had taken him.
And like always, his arm reached for me. It found my waist and pulled me close.
I should have pushed it away. I should have maintained distance. I should have remembered that he was the enemy.
But I did not.
Because somewhere along the way, without meaning to, without wanting to, I had started to need this too.
The weight of his arm. The warmth of his body. The sound of his breathing.
It was wrong.
But it was real.
And after a life full of pain and loneliness, real was precious.
Even when it came from a monster.
I was almost asleep when I heard it. A soft sound from Nikolai.
"I am sorry," he whispered. It was so quiet I almost missed it. "For tonight. For everything. I am sorry.”
I did not answer. I pretended to be asleep.
But I heard him. And somewhere deep in my chest, something cracked.
Because monsters were not supposed to apologize. Monsters were not supposed to feel guilty.
Monsters were not supposed to be broken.
But Nikolai was all those things. Guilty and broken.
And that made him the most dangerous kind of monster.
The kind that could make you forget he was a monster at all.