Chapter 13 Anya
Anya
I didn't know whether to panic or to relax.
I entered my bedroom and shut the door.
It was getting closer to night. The cloud was getting dark. Nikolai would soon show up. I ate and prepared my room.
Ridiculous?
How would someone give such a baseless excuse just to make sure he makes me uncomfortable?
I checked my small, already broken wall clock and it says fifteen minutes past ten.
Then I heard a knock. Without even waiting for permission. He walked in.
His cologne filled the room. I almost choked.
His eyes never left mine as he walked closer. He was wearing a white tank top and a black baggy pants.
God. He was sexy.
He had a lean build anf was too tall, he had to bend his neck to enter my room. It was the servants quarters for a reason.
But I couldn't fall for my father’s killer.
I sat still on the bed. My heart pounding.
“Adjust.” He said, his voice deep and cold.
“Huh?” I blinked.
He shoved me aside and lay comfortably on my bed, taking all my space.
I stood up and prepared a blanket to spread on the floor.
“What are you doing?” He asked. His cold eyes made me freeze.
“I will sleep on the floor.” I whispered, holding the blanket.
“Manage with me.” He whispered, adjusting so I could sleep.
But it was too small.
I lay very still in the darkness, listening to Nikolai breathe beside me.
He seemed to have fallen asleep quickly. His breathing had gone slow and deep within minutes. Like his body had been desperate for rest and finally found it.
I was not so lucky.
I was too aware of him. Too conscious of his large body taking up most of my small bed. Too focused on the warmth radiating from him. Too alert to every small movement he made.
The Pakhan. The man who killed my father. The man who owned me. The man who had made me strip naked just hours ago was sleeping in my bed.
It was the strangest night of my life.
I turned my head slightly to look at him. In the dim lamplight, I could see his profile. His face looked different in sleep. He looked tounger and less harsh. Thankfully, he didn't take off his clothes. The brutal lines of his jaw were softer. His mouth, which was usually set in a hard line, was relaxed.
He looked almost peaceful.
It was hard to believe this was the same man who had ordered me to undress. Who had kissed me roughly. Who had said I disgusted him. But then he had stopped.
That was what I kept coming back to. He had stopped. When he could have taken everything, he had chosen not to.
Why?
I thought about what Vera had said. That Nikolai was raised by a monster. That he did not know how to be anything else.
Was that true? Or was there something more underneath? Something human that he kept buried?
I did not know. And that uncertainty kept me awake.
An hour passed. Maybe two. I watched shadows move across the ceiling, listened to night sounds from outside my window. I tried not to think about how close Nikolai was.
Then he moved.
It was just a small shift. But it brought him closer to me. His back pressed against my side. The touch was light but it made my heart race.
Should I move away? Should I wake him? Should I just stay still and hope he did not notice?
I stayed still.
Another hour passed. My eyes grew heavy despite everything. Sleep started to pull at me.
I was almost asleep when I felt Nikolai move again. He turned over in his sleep, facing me now instead of away.
His arm fell across my waist.
And I froze completely. I stopped breathing.
Was he awake? Was this on purpose?
No. His breathing was still slow and deep. He was asleep. This was just… what? Instinct? Habit?
I should move his arm. Inshould push it away. I hould wake him up.
But I did not.
Because the weight of his arm felt... safe somehow. And after years of feeling unsafe, of being hurt, of being afraid, that feeling was precious.
So I let him hold me while he slept.
And finally, I fell asleep too.
I woke to gray morning light streaming through my window. For a moment, I was confused. My bed felt different. Warmer and heavier.
Then I remembered.
Nikolai was in my bed.
I opened my eyes slowly. He was still there, still asleep, his arm still draped over me. His face was inches from mine. I could see every detail. The dark lashes against his cheeks. The small scar on his jaw. The way his lips were slightly parted as he breathed.
He looked vulnerable like this.
I needed to wake him. The servants would be getting up soon. If anyone saw him leaving my room, there would be gossips.
"Nikolai," I whispered. "Wake up."
He did not move.
"Nikolai," I said louder. "It is morning. You need to leave."
His eyes opened slowly. For a moment, he just looked at me, still half asleep. Then his awareness came back. His eyes widened slightly.
He jerked his arm away from me and sat up quickly. "Did I... was I touching you?"
"Yes. But you were asleep. I think it was just... instinct or something."
He ran his hand through his hair. "I promised myself I would not touch you."
"You did not do it on purpose."
"Still." He stood up, moving to the other side of the small room. Putting distance between us. "I should go."
"Yes." I whispered.
But he did not move towards the door. He just stood there, looking at me with an expression I could not read.
"Did you sleep?" he asked finally.
"A little. Did you?"
"Yes." He paused. "Better than I have in..."
He didn't finish the statement.
We stared at each other across the small room. The morning light made everything feel strange. Like we were seeing each other clearly for the first time.
"This does not change anything," Nikolai said firmly. "What happened tonight. Me sleeping here. It does not mean…"
"I know," I interrupted. "You still hate me. I am still your prisoner. Nothing has changed."
"Right. I should go." He said.
"You said that already."
"I mean it this time." But still he did not move.
"People will be waking up soon. If they see you here…"
"I do not care what people think."
"You should. You are the Pakhan. You have a reputation."
"A reputation as a brutal monster. I do not think sleeping in a servant's room will change that." Finally, he moved toward the door. "Tonight. Same arrangement. I will come here after dark."
My heart skipped. "You want to do this again?"
"I slept well. You slept. It is practical." His voice was cold again. Back to the brutal Pakhan. "Do not read anything into it."
"I am not."
"Good." He opened the door, checked the hallway. "Get dressed. You have work to do today."
Then he was gone.
I sat on my bed for a long moment, trying to process what had just happened. The Pakhan had slept in my bed. He had held me in his sleep. He had looked at me this morning with something in his eyes that I couldn't quite place.
And now he wanted to do it again tonight.
I should refuse. I should demand to go back to the way things were and maintain the distance between prisoner and captor.
But I would not refuse. Because for the first time since coming here, I had slept without nightmares. And maybe, just maybe, Nikolai was not quite the monster I thought he was.
Or maybe I was just a fool, seeing kindness where there was only weakness.
I did not know.
All I knew was that tonight, the Pakhan would return to my bed.
And I would let him.