Chapter 123 Anya
I knelt beside Nikolai's body on the floor.
He was barely breathing. Blood covered his face. His shirt. His hands.
"Nikolai," I whispered. I touched his face. "Nikolai, can you hear me?"
He did not respond. He did not move.
"What did you do to him?" I screamed at Alexei.
"What he deserved," he said. "My men were not gentle. But he is alive. For now."
"He needs a doctor," I said,my voice trembling. "He is dying."
"I know," Alexei said. "But he will not die yet. I need him alive a little longer. So you can say goodbye."
"Goodbye?" I looked up at him. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't worry yourself, darling. In a few hours, Nikolai would be gone. Dead."
Horror crashed through me.
"This is insane," I could barely keep my voice steady. "Killing him will not change anything."
"It changes everything," Alexei said. "With Nikolai dead, you have no one. You will be completely mine."
"I will never be yours," I said.
"We will see," Alexei said. He walked to the door. "You have two hours with him. Say your goodbyes. Tell him whatever you need to tell him. Because after tonight, you will never see him again."
He left. Locked the door.
I turned back to Nikolai and checked his pulse. It was weak but it was still there.
"Nikolai," I said louder. "Wake up. Please wake up."
His eyes fluttered and opened slightly.
"Anya?" he whispered.
"I am here," I said. Tears streamed down my face. "I am here."
"Run," he said. "You need to run."
"I cannot run," I said. "There is nowhere to go."
"Find a way," Nikolai said. His voice was getting weaker. "Promise me. Promise you will find a way."
"I promise," I lied. Because what else could I say?
"I am sorry," Nikolai whispered. "For everything. For locking you up. For choosing wrong. For failing you."
"Stop," I said. "Save your strength."
"There is no strength left," he said. "Mikhail is dead. I have nothing left."
Mikhail is dead?
The words hit me like a physical blow.
"I am so sorry," I whispered, tears streamed down my face.
"Me too," Nikolai said. "I should have let you go. I shouldn't have brought you back to Moscow."
"You tried," I said.
"Not hard enough," he replied.
His eyes closed. His breathing slowed.
"Nikolai!" I shook him. "Stay with me. Do not leave me."
But he did not respond.
I sat there holding him,cying. Knowing that in two hours, Alexei's men would come and take him away. They would kill him.
And I could do nothing to stop it.
Time passed. I do not know how long.
The door opened. Alexei walked in with two of his men.
"Time to go," he said.
"No," I said. I held Nikolai tighter. "You cannot take him."
"I can and I will," Alexei said. He nodded to his men. "Get him."
The men grabbed Nikolai and pulled him from my arms. His head lolled. His arms hung limp. He was dying.
I fought them. Clawed at them. Screamed.
But they were too strong.
I lunged for the door and tried to follow.
Alexei grabbed me and shoved me back inside.
"Let me go!" I screamed. "Let me say goodbye! Please!"
"You already said goodbye," Alexei said. His voice was cold and empty. "This is better. Trust me. You do not want to watch what happens next."
"Please," I begged. Tears poured down my face. "Please do not do this. I will do anything. Anything you want. Just do not kill him."
"Anything?" Alexei asked.
"Yes," I said desperately. "Anything."
"Marry me," Alexei said. "Right now. Tonight. Say the vows. Sign the papers. Become my wife willingly. And I will let him live."
I stared at him. At the monster offering me an impossible choice.
Marry him. Become his property. His slave.
Or let Nikolai die.
"I..." I started.
"Decide quickly," Alexei interrupted. "My men are already loading him onto the boat."
My mind raced. If I said yes, would he really spare Nikolai? Or would he kill him anyway once I had signed the papers?
I knew the answer. Alexei was a liar. A monster. He would kill Nikolai regardless of what I did.
"No," I said quietly. "I will not marry you."
Volkov's face hardened. "Then you just killed him."
"You were going to kill him anyway," I said. "This way, at least I do not give you the satisfaction of breaking me first."
Alexei smiled. It was a terrible smile. "You think you are unbreakable? We will see about that."
He walked out and locked the door behind him.
I collapsed to the floor and sobbed until I had no tears left.
Nikolai was going to die. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I could hear sounds outside.
They were taking him to his death.
I crawled to the window and looked out. But I could see nothing. Just darkness and the distant sound of waves.
Somewhere out there, Nikolai was dying.
And I was locked in a cage. Unable to save him.
The knife Nikolai had given me was still in my hand. I looked at it. It was small and sharp.
Nikolai had carried it for years. He had always hid it in his shoe, where no one would check.
And thankfully it was there.
He had told me to take it and use it to escape.
I shut my eyes and let the tears fall.
Then, I stood up slowly and walked to the bathroom.
The bathtub was large.
I looked at myself in the mirror. At the bruises on my face. The emptiness in my eyes.
This was not a life.
I would rather die than be Volkov's prisoner. His plaything. His wife.
And maybe, if there was anything after death, I would see Nikolai again. I would tell him I was sorry. I would tell him I loved him.
If only I had not told him to choose. We would still be together.
All these were my fault. I was selfish.
I turned on the water. Found the drain plug and made sure it was secure so water would not escape.
Then, I filled the bathtub to the brim.
While it was filling, I found a small washcloth and rolled it up. I bit down on it.
I did not want to scream and alert Alexei.
The tub was full now. I reached down. Then I climbed in fully clothed. The water was warm.
I lay back and let the water cover me up to my shoulders.
And I brought the knife to my left wrist.
I pressed the blade against my skin.
It was sharper than I expected.
All it would take was one cut.
I took a breath. And I pressed the knife down hard on my flesh.
The pain was immediate and intense. I bit down hard on the washcloth to keep from screaming.
Blood welled up. The water turned red.
I watched it spread. I watched my life leak out.
It was peaceful, in a way.
I closed my eyes.
The water was getting colder now. Or maybe I was getting colder.
My hand fell. The knife slipped from my fingers and clattered against the porcelain.
Everything was fading. The pain. The fear. The anger.
All of it was going away.
I was going away.
And finally, everything became dark and quiet.