Chapter 54 It's Not Your Fault
ELIJAH
I couldn’t hear anything behind the door and it was like she wasn’t in there, like the room on the other side had gone completely still, empty of life and sound.
“Adriana baby, please open up the door. I need to see you.”
My voice came out softer than I intended, laced with worry, my hand resting against the wooden surface as if I could somehow feel her through it.
I could hear some movement, faint and distant, and I thought she was going to come open the door but she didn’t, the silence stretching again, heavier this time.
“Please, talk to me. I need to see you.”
I knew she wasn’t going to come to the door but I had to try, had to keep trying even if it felt useless. How long had she been locked in there? Had she eaten at all? Had she slept, or had she just been lying there with her thoughts consuming her?
God, why didn’t Hazel tell me this as soon as it happened? I could have come earlier, could have stopped this from getting this bad.
I was about to walk away, frustration and worry knotting tightly in my chest, when I heard footsteps coming toward the door, slow and hesitant, and she opened it up.
There was nobody at the door so I just entered, pushing it open gently as I stepped inside, the faint scent of her filling the room.
Leo was in bed with her and she climbed in beside him, bringing him closer to lay him on her chest, her arms wrapping around him protectively as though he was the only thing grounding her.
He was sleeping, his small body rising and falling steadily, and I could see that she had been sleeping too, or at least trying to.
She looked exactly as Hazel said. She had been crying for a long time, her eyes swollen and red, her face pale and drained, and probably wasn’t getting any proper sleep. It broke my heart.
“Hey,” I didn’t want to be too loud so I wouldn’t wake Leo up, my voice barely above a whisper. “How are you?”
I genuinely wanted to know, needed to know how bad it really was.
She didn’t answer but she just nodded her head, the movement slow and unconvincing.
“Adriana, please talk to me. What’s going on? Hazel told me what happened and I’m worried about you.”
She made eye contact with me for the first time, her gaze heavy with something deeper than sadness.
“Why are you worried about someone like me?”
“Come here. Leave Leo to sleep.”
She stood up carefully, trying not to disturb him, and placed him gently on the bed before climbing off to meet with me. I held her hand, feeling how cold it was, and took her to the other side of the room, away from the bed.
“I’m worried about you because I care about you. Why wouldn’t I?”
Tears gathered in her eyes, shimmering under the dim light.
“Because I’m a murderer.”
“What are you saying? Who told you that?”
“Nobody had to tell me. I know I am. It’s because of me all these things are happening.”
I raised her head up, forcing her to look at me.
“No, don’t say that. You didn’t do this to me or anyone. It’s not your fault your father decided to act like this. Don’t make this about you. It’s about him.”
“But how can I not?” her voice broke, trembling with emotion. “Those kids, I see their faces in my dreams and I can’t help but cry and say I’m sorry because I can’t bring them back. Why didn’t I die instead?”
God, I just pulled her into me and let her head rest on my chest as she sobbed, her body shaking against mine. I could understand why she felt this was her fault, how guilt could twist itself into something unbearable.
Her father was still tormenting her even though he couldn’t see her or touch her. Bloody bastard.
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Very soon, it will all pass,” I murmured, my hand moving gently over her back in slow, steady motions.
“But even you hate me now. You don’t want to see me.”
“Who said that? Why wouldn’t I want to see you? I was never mad at you for all this and I will never be. Okay, please don’t say that again.”
She lifted her head up, searching my face as if trying to find any trace of doubt.
“But you haven’t seen me in a week. It’s like you were avoiding me.”
“I wasn’t avoiding you. I needed to focus on the meetings I was having because I knew this was going to be a very hard time for us. I was dealing with too many things at once—the pack that was invaded, trying to gather allies, preparing for what’s coming. Everything just clashed and I’m sorry I didn’t have time for you. I had no idea you were feeling this way until Hazel told me.”
The last thing I would want was for her to feel like this about anything, to carry a weight that was never hers to begin with. She mattered to me so much and I would never blame her for all this that was happening.
If there was anyone to blame for this, it would be that damn pig called her father. I hated him so much, more than I had ever hated anyone in my life, for what he had done and for what he was still doing to her even from afar.