Chapter 38 That Toad You Used to Date
ADRIANA
“I don’t think the train can hold that many passengers.” I pointed at Leo’s toy train that was overfilled with little plastic passengers.
He laughed, a sweet innocent sound that made my heart feel a little lighter. He started taking off some of the people and redistributing them to other cars.
I watched him with a small smile playing on my lips. I hadn’t spent quality time with him in a few days so when he came to wake me up from sleep that had been filled with cries and puffy eyes, I didn’t hesitate to follow my favorite person back to his room.
I’d been trying hard not to think about what I saw yesterday. There was no way Elijah wanted to tell me that I had seen wrong. No, I’d seen exactly what it was with my own two eyes. Hannah on his lap. Her hands around his neck. Her face close to his.
What else could she have been doing on his lap like that?
Checking his blood pressure? Taking his temperature? Reading his palm?
Why did he act like he cared about me all this while? And why did he bother to save me the day she almost scratched my face off? Why did he kiss me? Why did he hold me? Why did he make me feel safe?
I was so stupid for thinking he would be any different from the rest of them. Stupid for letting my guard down. Stupid for starting to care.
My dad, Landon and now Elijah. What was the point of ever trusting men again? They all ended up the same way.
My back went rigid when I heard the door open. I knew it was him even without turning. My resolve didn’t last a whole minute before I found myself looking up at him. His eyes were already on me.
He quickly masked the shocked expression. Mine was still there. I hadn’t been expecting him here tonight. I thought he’d be too busy with Hannah.
As much as I wanted to look away from him, I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
He looked tired and stressed. And it looked like he had aged a couple of years in just one day.
It took Leo tapping me repeatedly to get to stop staring at a man who didn’t deserve my attention.
I hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the one who offended me so why was my heart beating so fast like I was the one in the wrong? Why did I feel guilty?
Leo stood up excitedly to hug his dad and I watched them communicate in sign language. Whatever he was telling Elijah was funny because Elijah laughed heartily. The sound made my chest ache.
The way he focused entirely on Leo made me wonder if he could actually do something as terrible as what I thought I saw. But then again, he was a man and if I’ve learned anything from the men in my life, it was that they were all the same.
My father had lied and pretended to be a good person up until my mother died. As soon as she died, he disconnected completely from his kids, facing his pack duties alone and neglecting us. Me, at least. Lisa can’t tell this same story because she was still his favorite. She was still loved.
Landon had just been a total mistake from start to finish and I regret the day I agreed to date him. The fact that he had the audacity to act hurt and even slap me when Lisa lied against me in front of everyone. He made me feel like I was the problem. Like I was the one who ruined everything.
That bright my anger from last night back. I wasn’t overreacting about any of this. I stood up from the floor, putting together Leo’s toys back into the toy box neatly, trying to keep my hands busy so I wouldn’t have to look at Elijah.
“Adriana, I—”
“Leo, come on. It’s bedtime, time to go to bed.”
There was nothing he had to say to me that sounded like the right thing so I just picked Leo up gently and placed him in bed, reading him his favorite bedtime story and watching as his eyes slowly closed and he fell asleep. His little face was so peaceful. So innocent. I wished I could protect him from all the hurt in the world.
I could feel Elijah’s eyes boring into me the entire time and I really hoped that he wouldn’t try to talk to me so I stood up quickly, placing a soft kiss on Leo’s head and practically running out of the room.
My breathing seemed to calm down as I walked back to my room, happy that I didn’t have to speak to him or hear his excuses.
Or maybe I should just speak to him and hear what he has to say for himself. Maybe I should give him a chance to explain.
But then, what exactly did he want to say? I’d seen what I needed to see and he wasn’t even going to be able to deny it convincingly. What excuse could possibly make that image go away?
I stood at the window, letting the cool breeze in to calm my racing thoughts. My eyes suddenly felt heavy and I decided to go to bed early.
Tomorrow was another day to successfully run away from Elijah and his lies. Another day to pretend my heart wasn’t breaking.
The door opened suddenly, and I knew it was him. I could feel his presence.
“I’m sorry for coming at such a late time but I need to explain myself to you. I don’t think I’ll be able to get any sleep or even think straight if I don’t speak to you and you don’t forgive me for what you think you saw.”
Forgive him? Fat chance of that happening.
The rational part of my brain said I didn’t even have a real reason to be this mad because we weren’t anything to each other. We weren’t mates or dating or anything official. We’d just kissed a few times. That’s all.
So why exactly was I this mad? He was free to do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted. I had no claim on him.
“It’s okay, Elijah. I’m not mad at you.”
“Really?” I could hear the hope creeping into his voice and it made my chest hurt.
“Yes, it’s your life so why should I care? It’s not like we’re dating or anything like that.”
Tears gathered in my eyes and I got angry at myself for crying when I shouldn’t even care about this.
I heard his footsteps approaching from behind me and then suddenly, his hands snaked around my waist, hugging me tightly from behind. His warmth surrounded me. His scent filled my lungs.
“I’m sorry for what you saw but I promise you that I wasn’t doing anything with her. She came on to me when I was sleeping in my office and I woke up to push her off and that’s exactly when you walked in. I will never do anything to hurt you, not after everything that you have been through back at your old pack.”
Hannah really was that desperate so it sounded exactly like something she would pull. I wouldn’t put it past her at all. It was quite sad and pathetic honestly. But it still hurt.
He turned me around gently to face him and at first, I didn’t want to meet his eyes but when he raised my chin up with his finger, I couldn’t help it.
He looked really tired and stressed and worn down and I couldn’t help but think that it was all because of me and this situation. Because I was being difficult.
“I’m sorry. I know you thought that I’d done something terrible with her but I’ll never do that to you. I told you before that I’m not like that toad you used to date.”
I thought for a moment, confused. Toad?
“Landon. Landon is the toad I’m referring to.”
I burst out laughing despite myself, unable to hold my anger in anymore.
He pulled me in for a warm hug and I didn’t fight it this time. I let myself be held.