Chapter 77
Amelia's POV
I didn't know what came over me. I didn't know what I was saying or why I was saying it. It was a very big mistake, I knew it. Giving him such a deal, would I even be able to complete my end of the bargain when the time came?
Not hurting Riker, was it enough for him to get close to me? Was it enough for me to allow him to touch me, to ravage me in the way that he probably wanted to? Was it enough to betray my body to him, whether or not he loves me? Other and not I loved him. I was simply doing it without thinking.
I wondered whether Rykerwould approve if he heard that I sold myself over to him just so that he would be safe. I was doing this for his sake, but would he understand? I wasn't quite sure. I didn't know if I could trust him to be that understanding. I didn't know whether he would smile or whether he would commend me or whether he would just burst out in anger. But I found myself doing it all the same.
I didn't know where the thought came from. It just came to me all of a sudden. First of all, I was frightened of him. I was completely terrified of the alpha in front of me. But then suddenly, out of the blue, I found myself bold and courageous. I found myself making a thought. The thought formed in my mind so spontaneously, but I found myself voicing it out slowly, building up to it with other words while contemplating it carefully in my mind and trying to figure out just how plausible it was.
He seemed to be really interested in me. Maybe he really loved me—I wasn't quite sure. Maybe he just lost it over my body. Maybe he was a little more involved and that he was very serious about his confession the last time. I couldn't be sure. I didn't know whether he was doing this as some kind of plot to betray me later.
But I needed to suggest this. I needed to try. I needed to trust that things would end up well in the end. Because if not, Rykerwas going to die. I was the one who brought him into this danger. I could clearly remember him not wanting to have anything to do with me, but the way I kept on pushing him, the way I kept on hinting and making him do a little more than he was usually supposed to do.
He was not very interested in me before, but then I kept on coming to him. I kept on meeting him, and then he started getting more and more invested. And because of that, now he was married to the game. He couldn't leave me now and he was obsessed. He was in love with me, and it was all my fault because he was in love with me. Now he was going to die.
I was in love with him as well, but that was exactly the reason why I needed to protect him in any way I thought that I could. I didn't know whether Rykerwould be able to protect himself, whether he would be able to stand against the alpha, whether he would be able to square up to him and fight for his life. I didn't know whether we would even be able to escape from each other.
But right now, I was pretty much selling all that away and putting it in one gamble. One gamble on the fact that the alpha would do exactly what he said and he wouldn't do something to hurt me and break his word. I was also trying to gamble that he was very much interested in me, that he loved me to the extent of not hating Rykerto that extent anymore.
I wasn't quite sure if it would turn out, but I was pretty much destroying our escape plan—which was already destroyed in the first place, I thought to myself in consolation. It was a little funny that he seemed to notice just because of my book that he said somebody read and he saw the title. But maybe it was really true. Maybe it was something else that made him aware that I was planning to escape.
But it was no longer possible right now. I knew that escape was completely out of the picture, and so I needed to think of something else—another bargain. Something that I seemed to be getting really good at, even though it was a little too risky this time. I was putting a lot on the line—my body. I was a virgin, surprisingly, and I didn't want him to be my first. I wanted Rykeronly. Riker, because that was the person that I loved. But maybe if this was necessary, maybe I should do it.
He stopped immediately, his eyes widening in shock. I could see emotion upon emotion, feeling washing over his face like a flood and then another flood. He seemed to be completely surprised and he didn't know how to react, what to say or what to do. I didn't understand the way his voice sounded now. There was a mix of everything in it: anger, hatred, malice, and also some sort of happiness.
I didn't know if I could stay with him in the same room anymore because he seemed to be turning into some kind of psychopath. He seemed to be completely unhinged, but finally he took in a deep breath and stepped back. I didn't know what he was thinking about, but he seemed to be collecting himself as much as possible. I didn't know exactly how he seemed to be managing it, but finally he looked at me and tried for a joke.
I found myself almost glaring at him. It wasn't funny. Nothing could be funny after I had stepped so much on the line. He seemed to suddenly have no intention of harming Rykerat all. So much so that I was starting to wonder whether it was just an empty threat from the beginning and he was simply trying to push me into creating such a convenient deal for him.
I was finding that his threat wasn't excellent. The anger just now, the hatred for Rykerand the jealousy, the burning jealousy that he had because of me, it was real as anything. And I had only just managed, just barely managed to assuage it, to calm it down. He could turn back into that monster once again, he could become completely unhinged the way he had been just a moment ago if I give him the chance.
But now that I had soothed him, I needed to keep it like that. He had to make sure that he remained the way he was—completely himself and no longer so angry. His trying for a joke might well be the confirmation that I had succeeded in this. I found myself even sighing in relief, like I was safe. That was my only benefit.
I didn't know how I could be so selfless, how I could give away something so precious. I could give away my chastity to someone just because of someone else. But I had decided it already, and there was no going back.
The alpha was smiling at me now. He was being me actually when he questioned. I blinked, taking an uncomfortable step back. And as I shifted on the bed, he looked at me, his eyes narrowing. "Wait, did you just say that in order to stop me from being angry?" he questioned. "Oh, you are actually serious."
"I—I—I said it," I told him, stuttering a little and trying to catch my breath. "If he wanted it to be done now, was I ready?" I wasn't. I had come here with no intention of doing that whatsoever. I didn't even know what I was here for when he brought me to his room to talk.
But now that he was suggesting something that I had bargained, now that he was suggesting for us to carry out our deal as soon as possible, I found myself unable to prepare myself. I was so apprehensive and also very surprised that I found myself panicking.
He looked at me, raising an eyebrow before he finally let out a breath. "Fine," he said. "You don't seem to be ready right now," he told me. I didn't know if he was actually being considerate or if this was someone else entirely speaking. Was the alpha actually that caring, or was he simply trying to make it better for himself?
Whatever the motive was, however, I was glad that he was finally going to give me some break. "I will pick a date," he told me. "I will decide something, but you are going to have to cooperate," he said. "We made a deal. I will perform my part as long as you fulfill yours."