Chapter 66 THE MORNING OF SHAME
Medea’s Pov
I woke up in Eclipse's guest room and for a second I didn't remember where I was or what happened. Then it all came rushing back and I felt like I was going to be sick.
I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. My whole body was shaking and I couldn't stop crying while I was throwing up and it was horrible.
After a while, I got in the shower and turned the water as hot as I could stand it, letting it pound against my skin until it was red and aching. I scrubbed myself hard, over and over, until it hurt, but the feeling wouldn’t go away. I washed my hair three times, my body five, watching suds swirl down the drain like they might take the guilt with them. They didn’t. No matter how long I stood there, trembling under the spray, I couldn’t wash away what I did—or how it made me feel.
I got out and wrapped a towel around myself and just sat on the bathroom floor. I don't know how long I sat there but eventually, Eclipse knocked on the door.
"Medea? You need to get dressed. Raphael is going to wake up soon and you need to be home before he notices you're gone," Eclipse said through the door.
"I can't do this," I said.
"Yes, you can. Get up and get dressed," Eclipse said.
"I can't look at him. He'll know," I said.
“He won’t know anything unless you tell him. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and get moving,” Eclipse said, her voice flat and impatient. There was no sympathy in her eyes, only calculation, as if my fear was an inconvenience rather than something real. She crossed her arms, clearly done waiting. “You don’t have the luxury of guilt right now,” she added coldly. “What matters is getting through this without raising suspicion. Everything else can wait.”
I wanted to yell at her but I didn't have the energy. I got up, opened the door, and Eclipse was standing there with clothes in her hands.
"Here. I brought you something to wear," Eclipse said.
"These aren't mine," I said.
"I know. Yours were a mess just put these on," Eclipse said.
I took the clothes and got dressed. Everything felt wrong like the clothes didn't fit right even though they did. Eclipse watched me the whole time, and her face didn't show any sign that she felt bad about what she made me do.
"You need to go home and sleep with Raphael tonight. You can't wait," Eclipse said.
Just hearing her say that made my stomach hurt again.
"I can't, not so soon," I said.
"You have to. The timing needs to make sense. If you're pregnant from last night you need Raphael to think it could be his too," Eclipse said.
"This is so messed up," I said and I felt tears coming again.
"Stop crying. You're going to make your eyes all red and puffy," Eclipse said.
"I don't care," I said.
“Well, you should care. You need to look normal when you get home. " As nothing happened,” Eclipse said, her gaze sharp and assessing, as if she were already correcting my mistakes. “No red eyes, no shaking, no hesitation.” She stepped closer, lowering her voice. “You smile, you act tired but fine, and you don’t invite questions.” The message was clear: appearances mattered more than how I felt. Any crack in the mask would be noticed, and if that happened, I would be the one blamed for everything that followed.
She handed me some makeup and I tried to fix my face but my hands were shaking so bad I kept messing up.
"Let me do it," Eclipse said and she took the makeup from me.
She did my makeup and the whole time I just stared at the wall because I couldn't look at her.
"There. You look fine," Eclipse said.
"I don't feel fine," I said.
"Fake it. That's what you need to do from now on. Fake everything," Eclipse said.
"How do you do this? How do you just act like nothing is wrong?" I asked.
"Practice. Lots of practice," Eclipse said.
We went downstairs, and Eclipse pressed a warm cup into my hands, insisting I drink the tea even though my stomach was already tight with dread. She said it would help settle my nerves, help me look composed, but every sip felt forced. The bitter taste lingered on my tongue, doing nothing to ease the churning inside me. I swallowed anyway, because refusing felt pointless. No amount of tea could calm what was twisting in my chest, or undo the sense that I was being carefully managed rather than cared for.
"Remember what we talked about. You need to sleep with Raphael tonight. Make him think you're feeling better and you want to be close to him," Eclipse said.
"What if I can't? What if he can tell something is different?" I asked.
"Then you're a better actress than you think you are. Just do what you normally do. He won't suspect anything," Eclipse said.
"You don't know that," I said.
"Yes, I do. Men don't notice things like that. Especially not Raphael. He's too wrapped up in himself to pay attention," Eclipse said.
I finished the tea and stood up to leave. I felt dizzy and weak but I needed to get out of there.
"One more thing," Eclipse said.
"What?" I asked.
"If this doesn't work and you're not pregnant we do this again next week. Same time same place," Eclipse said.
My stomach flipped over.
"I can't do that again," I said.
"You will if you have to. This isn't optional Medea. This is survival," Eclipse said.
I didn’t say anything else. There was nothing left to argue, nothing left to explain. I just walked out, got into my car, and drove home on autopilot. The streets blurred past me as my hands clenched the steering wheel too tightly. The whole way, my stomach churned violently, waves of nausea rising and falling. I kept swallowing hard, afraid I might actually be sick before I made it home. Every red light felt endless, every mile stretching the distance between who I was and who I was pretending to be.
When I got to the pack house I used the back entrance so nobody would see me. Most people were still asleep since it was so early. I snuck up the stairs and into my bedroom.
Raphael was still sleeping. I stood there and watched him and I felt so guilty I thought I might actually die from it. He looked peaceful and happy and he had no idea what I just done to him.
I took off Eclipse's clothes and put on my pajamas and got into bed as quietly as I could. My whole body was stiff and I was trying not to move too much.
But I couldn't fall asleep. I just lay there staring at the ceiling and thinking about how everything was ruined now. Even if I got pregnant and nobody ever found out I would always know what I did. I would have to look at Raphael every day and lie to him about whose baby it was.
And the worst part was I didn't even know if it was going to work. I might have to do this again and again until I get pregnant and every time would be worse than the last.
I heard Raphael start to wake up and I squeezed my eyes shut and pretended to be asleep. I felt him move closer to me and put his arm around me.
"Good morning beautiful," Raphael whispered.
I wanted to cry but I didn't. I just lay there and pretended everything was okay when really nothing would ever be okay again.