Chapter 9 Chapter 9
Chapter 9
\- Aria -
I left Jason's office and walked down the hallway. My hands were still shaking a little. He'd barely looked at me when I tried to talk to him about what I was supposed to do now.
"Not now, Aria."
That's all he said. Then he turned back to his papers like I wasn't even standing there. Before the mating ceremony, he was different. He was kind. He even smiled at me once. Now? Nothing.
I went to my room and sat on the bed. Maybe I was reading too much into it. We both knew this was just an agreement. An official thing for the pack. But still, he didn't have to be so cold.
I was more confused than I was perplexed.
"Having trouble already?"
I looked up. Natasha was leaning against my doorframe.
"What do you want?"
She walked in and sat in the chair near my window. "Just checking on our new Luna. You look upset."
"I'm fine."
"Sure you are." She picked at her nails. "Let me guess. Jason's being cold? Distant? Won't even look at you?"
I didn't answer.
"You thought he'd be different after the mating, didn't you? Maybe not love, but at least friendly?"
"It's just an agreement," I said. "I know that. We all know that. So I am not expecting something else."
"Do you?" She looked at me. "Because from here, it looks like you expected more."
"I didn't—"
"You want to know why he's like this?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "And if you must, then you should know about her. Elena."
The name hung in the air between us.
"Who's Elena?" I recalled the name. The doctor had mentioned Jason's first mate earlier, but I wanted Natasha to tell me more
"His wife. His dead wife." Natasha watched my face. "She died five years ago. Jason loved her more than anything. Still does."
I felt my stomach drop for a reason I could not understand. "Oh."
"Yeah, oh." She said almost mockingly as she stood up. "He can't even look at you because you're not her. You'll never be her. This whole arrangement? Well I don't even know what he is planning because even if the pack needs a Luna, it wouldn't have been you. And his heart?" She shook her head. "That died with Elena."
She walked to the door, then turned back. "Don't take it personally though. You could be anyone and he'd still act the same. You're just... there. Filling a position. And that is why I advice you leave as soon as you can. If I were you, I would take this as a good counsel. There's nowhere you'd go that's better for you, and believe me when I say I feel sorry for you."
After she left, I sat there for a long time. Elena. His dead wife. That explained a lot.
I tried not to let it bother me. This was an agreement, nothing more. I knew that from the start. But knowing Jason was grieving, that he was in pain... that was different. It wasn't really about me at all.
Part of me wanted to go back and tell him I understood. That I wouldn't push. That I'd just do what was needed for the pack and nothing more. But he'd made it clear he didn't want to talk.
I lay back on the bed. Natasha's words kept running through my head. "You'll never be her."
Well, of course I wouldn't. I wasn't trying to be. Was I?
No. I just wanted him to at least talk to me. Tell me what my duties were. Basic stuff. That wasn't asking too much, was it?
But maybe for someone grieving, even that was too much.
I stood up and walked to the window. The sun was going down. Dinner would be soon. I'd have to sit at the same table as Jason, pretending everything was normal. Pretending I didn't know care about him and Elena.
My chest felt tight. Not because I was jealous or hurt. Well, maybe a little hurt. But mostly I just felt... sad. For him. For Elena. For this whole messy situation.
I thought about what Natasha said. "Don't take it personally."
She was right about that, at least. This wasn't about me. It was about a man who lost someone he loved and was forced to take another mate for whatever reasons and even though he didn't have to, I was part of it.
I had no reasons to complain. He did everything for me, maybe not entirely but then, we both were doing this with no strings attached.
I placed my hands gently on my stomach and looked down at it. I could hope for a life, one where I have a mate who truly loved me and was elated about having my baby.
I don't even want to be Luna or have any position. My mate doesn't have to be an important member of the pack, even if he were just an ordinary werewolf. If only he would accept and love me.
This was better than being a rejected Luna, scorned and ridiculed.
My child wouldn't have to grow up without the warmth of a father. I couldn't tell how Jason would act towards my son. Even if it was the only kind thing he does for me while I am here. It is just to see my child loved.
I have given up all hope of me getting any affection. However, my little baby deserves it and I will make sure of that even if it means begging for it.
I had thought of leaving, but for this innocent child in me I was better off dead. If I left, we wouldn't even survive out there. Enduring whatever this comes with it is the best decision I can make for my child.
I gently climbed the bed and laid on it, my stomach rumbling but took afraid to go out and get anything to eat, I remained there, starring at the ceiling.
The tears fell freely. I would never fully be loved no accepted. This is my fate.