Everyone I Love

Everyone I Love
My thoughts scatter faster than I can hold onto them. 

One moment I’m staring at the blood on my fingers, the next Kaan’s hand closes around my arm, pulling me upright. My knees buckle, darkness pressing at the edges of my vision and the ground tilts beneath my feet. 

With an impatient sigh, he slips an arm around my waist, holding me against his side. I don’t fight him. I can’t. My body feels distant, hollowed out by blood loss and grief. 

All I can think is that I can’t even scream anymore. I can’t call Dastan’s name. I can’t warn him if he’s close. I can’t do anything except let Kaan lead me forward, one unsteady step at a time, as the tent flap parts before us.

The robes on my shoulders are heavier than I expect.

The clasps rest against my collarbones, knocking against the bone with every step I take. I can feel my hair is tight, styled into two braids that come down my sides. I have to fight against the
sudden need to cover my head. 

Cold air washes over my face as we step outside. 

I don’t know exactly what it is that we are walking into, but my brain short circuts. Hundreds of eyes settle on me. The men of the Blood Tribe step itno to long lines. The stretch from the tent to the cave in the mountain. 

Kaan walks forward with me beside him. Then the whispers begin, not from the dead in my head, but from the men. 

“The Anointed.”

“Our Queen.”

Kaan lifts his head, seeming taller the more we walk. He nods his head to his men, as if accepting their praise as well. 

I press into him as hands reach for me, fingertips brushing the skin on my arms and legs. It sends shivers of disgust down my spine.

I search their faces. Not one of them looking at me with pity or apology. They seem to think this is what I want, what I have been searching for. 

My gaze tears away from them and drifts toward the trees surrounding the camp. Every few steps I search through the trees. I’m looking for anything. For a flash of silver, a flock of birds taking flight, the sound of tree branches snapping. 

But he’s not there. The thought breaks something inside me. What if he’s searching the wrong direction?

My vision blurs and I blink the tears away before they fall.

Kaan doesn’t slow, walking us back into the cave. The whispers of the soldiers fade behind us until only our footsteps remain, echoing off the stone walls. 

The familiar blue light spills into my line of vision. The whispers return, rushing through me.

“Come back!”

“Come!”

My knees threaten to give out, my breathing thin and unable to fill my lungs. Kaan catches my elbow before I can stumble. We step further into the chamber and stand right in front of the water. 

I’m able to make out so many more details than before. There’s a statue towering over the glowing water: a woman, holding out her hands where there is five stones in her hands. 

Kaan stares at the stones as well, inhaling slowly. “When the stones glow it means that the passage is open.”

I look up at him, chest heaving with every deep breath I take. 

He gives a nod, but it’s not directed at me. Five men step out of the shadows, each one holding a bucket between their arms. They step into the water, only enough for their ankles to be submerged. 

Ceremonously, and at the same time, they tip the buckets over, my blood spilling from them. My stomach twists, nausea making my breath bitter. 

The water turns, bubbles coming to the surface. Slowly, the stones in the statue begin to glow. My eyes widen, body stiffening. If Kaan is telling the truth, then the portal to the land I was born in is only a step away. 

Everything that has been taken from me is right there. 

Part of me wonders why I hesitate to cross. Kaan is one thing, but I’m not confident I’m everything I’m supposed to be. 

Kaan steps into the water first, keeping his hand wrapped around my arm. Like this is something completely normal, he explains it to me. 

“Only Raven’s may pass through the portal.”

I’m still, heart racing. 

“The only way someone else may pass is if they are touching a Raven. An invited guest.”

I try to pull my arm from his. He’s not invited, much less a guest. 

The water parts at his feet, and he smiles. He tugs me in with him, no matter how much I resist. My strength isn’t enough. 

The water climbs to our knees, then our waists, then my chest. Warmth surrounds me, the light beneath the surface swelling until I have to close my eyes.

The pool begins to spin through us, the current tears Kaan’s hand from mine. My body tumbles weightlessly through brilliant blue light and for a moment, I hope that he drowns in the water. That he didn’t hold on to me long enough. 

Water crashes against me from every direction until I don’t know which way is up. 

Everything goes still.

A wave throws me forward and sand scrapes beneath my palms. Salt fills my lungs as I cough violently, water pouring from my mouth. I feel the warmth of sunlight on my face. 

I look down at myself, the bruises gone and the marks on my wrists non existent. The portal healed everything. Everything except the empty space inside my mouth.

Behind me, Kaan laughs.

I turn toward him, disappointed to see that he made it through with me. 

His laugh grows louder, throwing his head back to look up at the sky and throw his hands up in worship. “I’ve done it. I’ve done it!”

The beach around us disappears behind tears I cannot stop.

I have never been farther from everyone I love.