I'm Sorry You Feel That Way

I'm Sorry You Feel That Way
“What do you mean you can get me out of here?” I ask. 

She doesn’t answer right away, taking her time to join me on the ground. 

I can’t gather my thoughts right now, they’re all over the place. Rushing through me so fast that I can’t stop the questions, even if I don’t get answers. 

“Who in the world is King Kaan?”

She twists her fingers together, staring at the floor.

“Em.”

She still gives me nothing, swallowing thickly. 

“Em.” My voice hardens. “Please, please, just explain this to me.”

She looks away from me, reluctant to open her mouth. The chains around my wrists feel heavier. Every day I spend here, I understand less. Every day another secret appears, and I am tired of it. 

“He’s...” Em swallows again. “He’s the King of the Blood Tribe.”

Everything inside me stops. The words hit me like a punch to the chest. Suddenly I am a child again, sitting beside my mother while she twists my hair into braids, listening to stories I was never meant to repeat.

Stories of hunters. Hunters that don’t want animals, or people, or land. They want blood. 

The air leaves my lungs. “No.”

Cold rushes through my body, and Em’s eyes widen as she takes in my hands. I can feel the ice on my fingertips. Whispers brush against the edge of my hearing, like a comforting caress down my spine. 

I pull violently against the chains, and the metal rattles uselessly. 

Tears blur my vision. “I have to get out of here.”

The words barely sound like mine. Jakko might be an ass, might have taken me away from Dastan, a criminal who deserves a fate worse than death… But he wants to marry me. I thought he would keep me safe, at the very least. 

I stumble toward the headboard and begin forcing the chain against the metal frame.

“Elysia.”

I ignore Em’s pleading words. 

“Elysia.”

My skin tears beneath the cuffs, and pain shoots up my arms. I don’t care, only allowing myself to hiss as I continue to pull. 

“Please,” I choke out. “Please get me out of here.”

Em grabs my face, her hands warm as she forces me to look at her. “It’s going to be okay.”

I jerk away from her touch. “No, it isn’t.”

My voice breaks. I know enough about the Blood Tribe to be afraid. Even in Javal, stories of the Blood Tribe traveled between villages. Stories of disappearing settlements, of people who were never seen again.

I don’t know why Kaan is here. I don’t know what he wants. But I know I don’t want him anywhere near me.

Every inhale I take feels too small, and suddenly I’m drowning. 

The only thing that makes me reset is a single word coming from Em’s lips. “Dastan.”

I stare at her and blink. “What?”

“He’s my plan.”

Hope hurts worse than fear. It cuts through me so suddenly I almost can’t bear it.

“I spoke with him,” she whispers. “I helped him.”

My heart slams against my ribs. “You saw him?”

My voice shakes. “He’s alive?”

She nods.

A warmth spreads through my chest so fast it makes me dizzy. “He’s coming?”

“He’s coming,” she repeats.

For the first time since Jakko dragged me into this palace, I can breathe.

“He’s wearing a guard uniform,” Em continues. “But—”

Her expression darkens, and she shakes her head. “I didn’t know Kaan was arriving tonight.”

The warmth immediately vanishes. “You have to warn him.”

I grab her hands. “Please, you have to see him again, warn him.”

“I will.”

The door to the room opens, and both of us freeze.

Jakko steps inside. “I forgot something and—”

His words die the moment he sees us. His gaze moves between us, a frown marring his face. I’m sure he notices my tear-streaked face, the way Em and I are both holding onto the chains. 

His expression hardens. “What happened?”

He approaches and I don’t move. I’m in a bit of shock, not knowing how to act in front of him in light of this new information. But when he lifts his hand to reach for my face, I slap it away. The crack echoes across the room. 

His jaw clenches, eyes narrowed. “Leave us.”

He looks over his shoulder at Em when she hesitates. She gives me an apologetic look before lowering her head and leaving. The door clicks shut behind her. 

Jakko turns back to me. “What caused this?”

I envision myself taking the chain between my wrists and smacking him across the face with it. But I keep myself in check, wanting answers more than to cause him pain. 

“Why is the Blood Tribe here?”

Understanding flashes across his face. The anger in his expression slowly melts away, replaced by a sympathetic look. It only makes me angrier. 

“Elysia—”

“How could you?”

Ice spreads across my fingertips. Thin frost crawls over the links between my wrists. His gaze drops briefly to the chain, then to me. 

“You don’t understand.”

I laugh. “I don’t? Explain it to me then.”

His hands disappear into his hair, frustration radiating from him. “Kaan has nothing to do with you.”

“But why is he here? Do you… help him?”

Jakko exhales. “Not exactly. But I have been keeping an eye on him for years.”

I stare at him. “What does that mean?”

He drags a hand through his hair again, and it goes messy, ragged over his forehead. “I knew he was looking for someone.”

My stomach twists.

“For you, to be exact.”

My breath catches.

His jaw clenches. “He wants your blood. Wants to use you to open a portal to your realm.”

He looks upset. As if the idea disgusts him. His hands clench at his sides, breathing turning fast as he shakes his head. 

Warmth spreads through me. But it’s not comfort, it’s anger, and confusion, and rage. I take a step back from him. “And you’re friends with him?”

“No.” His voice hardens. “I needed to keep him close, know where he is at all times to make sure he never found the last Raven. At least, not before I found you.”

I scoff. 

His eyes flash, dark and rage filled as he looks at me. “Do you have any idea what would happen if he got his hands on you? I am trying to protect you.”

“Protect me?” I shriek, voice higher than I intended. 

His throat works as he swallows. “Every time I heard another village had disappeared, every time I heard rumors that he was getting closer...” He exhales through his nose. “I looked for you.”

His gaze drifts over my face. My hair, my eyes. As though reassuring himself that I’m still standing in front of him.

My fingers tug at the chains around my wrists. “You expect me to believe all of that?”

Jakko stills. The tension drains from his face for the briefest moment. His mouth parts as if he wants to say something, but whatever it is never comes. His gaze drops to the floor between us before lifting back to mine.

“It’s the truth.”

“The truth?” I gesture to the chains hanging from my wrists. “You kidnapped me, Jakko.”

His jaw tightens. “I saved you.”

“You imprisoned me.”

“Because if Kaan finds you—”

“I was safe with Dastan! Not to mention that I want to be with him. That I was happy there.” My voice cracks. “You did nothing but tear my life apart. You don’t want to protect me, you want to own me.”

Jakko doesn’t move. The anger drains from his face so quickly it catches me off guard. His eyes stay fixed on mine, searching them as if he expects to find something different there. 

His jaw flexes multiple times. He looks uncertain. His eyes linger on my face for another moment before he looks away completely. Without another word, he turns and walks to the wardrobe. I watch him pull the doors open.

He stands there for several seconds with his back to me. Then he reaches inside and removes a folded bundle of parchment tied with a black ribbon.

His fingers tighten around it.

When he finally speaks, his voice is quieter than before. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

The words are barely above a whisper.

He shuts the wardrobe and makes his way toward the door. I expect him to look back, but he doesn’t. 

He leaves, the door clicking shut behind him.

For a moment, I almost wish he had yelled.