Chapter 1

“Jette, do not get out of that bed. You need more time to rest.”

Kara glared at me, her huff of frustration stirring my hair as she tried to push me back down on the pile of pillows at my back—the pillows I’d been lying on for three full days and was totally freakin’ sick of.

“I’m fine,” I sighed back, firmly removing her hands from my shoulders. “Stop being a worrisome old Faerie.”

She took a step back and folded her arms, staring at me as she tapped one foot—the quintessential irritated Tinkerbell stance from any of the Peter Pan movies I’d ever seen. I fought to keep the grin from my face. She glanced back and forth between Jill and Zoe.

“Hmph. You see how stubborn she is? Fine, she says. After being mind controlled by the evil queen, hit by powerful blood magic, blown off a cliff into the sea, and almost drowned. I don’t believe fine is the exact word you’re looking for.”

You forgot heartbroken at losing Starke.

I didn’t say that out loud. I didn’t want to even think it. Even just saying Starke’s name in my head hurt my heart like bloody hell.

“I could have told you she was freakin’ stubborn,” Zoe grumbled, and I stuck my tongue out at her, even though my words were meant for the tiny spright.

“Yeah, well, despite that list of yours, Tink, I really am fine. And I’m not even sure I could drown, being a water elemental and all. Can I?”

Kara blinked her golden eyes. “Well you gave a pretty good imitation of it when we pulled your battered, bleeding body from the sea. We thought for sure you were past the point of revival.”

Jill planted herself beside me on the bed, scooting me over with her body and linking her fingers through mine. She’d become a real tick since I’d gotten back, but I really didn’t mind.

“I’m so glad I wasn’t there to see that. I don’t think I could have handled watching all that happen to you.”

I grinned at her, nudging her shoulder with mine. “Bah. Was nothing to worry about, really. Hard-headedness comes in handy sometimes, right?”

Jill appeared amused by my lame-ass joke. Kara, not so much. The Faerie really had a terrible sense of humor.

“So not funny, Jette. And stop trying to change the topic. I’m not arguing with you any longer. Lady Athena said you were to remain resting for one more day.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? I don’t need any more rest, Kara. I don’t need any more sleep or time left alone in my own head. I’m not a fragile, porcelain doll. I appreciate yours and my grandmother’s concern, but I don’t need more time. What I do need is bath water and clean clothes. So, if you really want to help me, help me with that. Because I happen to know there is a clan meeting happening here today, and I aim to be there no matter what.”

Kara blinked in surprise. “How did you learn that? Your grandmother specifically told me not to inform you.”

“A little birdie told me.”

Kara’s glare bounced crossly between the two elementals. Jill suddenly found our clasped hands remarkably interesting while Zoe was totally enthralled with her broken nails.

“Doesn’t matter who told me,” I continued, taking the heat off my ‘birdies’. “It matters that I’m in attendance. So, will you help me clean up and dress, or do I go reeking like last week’s garbage and in my underwear? Your choice, my friend.”

Kara’s lips twitched despite the censure still evident in her voice.

“I don’t think your grandmother would approve of you showing up to a meeting of the clans in your undergarments. She would not be amused.”

“Ya think? I’ve yet to see my grandmother in anything other than those dresses up to her neck and down to her wrists. Woman is a 1900’s throwback, that’s for sure. Seeing me waltz into the meeting in my industrial bra and granny panties would probably give her a stroke.”

“Not to mention start that vein throbbing in her temple like her mind’s about to explode,” Zoe added. “The woman needs to drink more wine and loosen up.”

I couldn’t help the snort that dropped from my lips. What Zoe said wasn’t even really that funny. It shouldn’t have made us laugh the way it did. Maybe the pressure of these past few days had left us broken since all four of us suddenly cracked up laughing like a pack of drunk hyenas. Kara laughed so hard she had to wipe away tears as she fell into a heap on the bed at our feet, her giggles finally subsiding enough for her to talk.

“Okay, I give in. I’ll get you some water to bathe and clean clothes.”

“Finally, the faerie listens to me,” I huffed at her as I lightly nudged her with my foot. “At least I can still talk sense into one supernatural being on this world. Starke wouldn’t have fallen for it so easily…”

I trailed off, the implication of his name slipping from my lips sinking in.

Kara froze in place, all traces of humor fading from her cherub face as she stared at me.

“Are you sure you’re up to handling this today, Jette?” she asked softly. “I mean, I know you are physically. You’ve healed quickly over the past few days, even if the bruises linger. But how are you really?”

The smile dropped from my lips as I sucked in air. I knew what she was asking. What she thought. What they all thought. I glanced at Jill who regarded me with her sad, puppy dog eyes, and I almost started bawling like a baby. Swallowing the stupid tears in my throat, I tore my gaze away from Jill and ran my fingers through my tangled hair, thinking about my words carefully. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to admit.

“You want me to be honest? No, I’m not fine. Not emotionally. Hell, I’m about as far away from fine as I can get.” I paused, trying to articulate the pain I felt. “It feels like… like my heart has been sliced into a million pieces and will never, ever heal. It feels like I’m drowning. Drowning in my pain and fear and guilt because everything was my fault. Starke sacrificed himself to save me. He didn’t have to do what he did. I hate him for that. I hate myself for that. I hate that I was too damn weak to keep Asha out and he paid for that.”

“Jette,” Jill tried to interrupt, but I continued on. I couldn’t stop now even if I wanted to.

“I’m heartbroken he’s become the very thing he feared, and I’m terrified that I will never again see the Starke I know. The Starke I …”

I broke off, horrified over what I was about to admit. I didn’t want anyone to know what I felt. I wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone yet. Hell, I wasn’t even ready to admit it to myself.

Kara smiled sadly at me as she ran a hand over my arm, soothing me. “It’s okay to say it, Jette. You love him.”

Her bold words stunned me. I glanced around at the other two, totally embarrassed at Kara spilling my secret to them. They looked far from surprised.

“Is it that stupidly obvious?” I groaned as I dropped my head into my hands.

“Pretty much,” Jill admitted at the same time as Zoe nodded a sarcastic, “duh, yeah.”

Kara was a little more articulate. “Only if one is truly looking for it. We saw what you were trying to hide.”

Panic fluttered in my chest as my glance bounced around them.

“Oh crap. Can you please keep this between us, guys? My grandmother or any of the clan members never trusted Starke to begin with. I have a feeling his falling to the dark side has not gone over well. The last thing I need is a lecture on my stupid, traitorous heart. I don’t need that added to my overwhelming guilt.”

Kara grabbed my hand and held it to her chest. I could feel her own heart thumping against my palm. It took all my effort not to pull away from her. I still wasn’t used to this world’s over-the-top shows of affection and fidelity.

“We will not breathe it to a soul. You have our word. It will be our secret. Right?” Her head swiveled back and forth between the two elementals. They nodded in all seriousness.

She finally allowed me to pull my hand away, her worried eyes scanning my face. “And you do not deserve to carry the guilt of Starke’s fall to the wayside. It was not your fault. He did that to protect you. He did it because he cared. He knew what would happen, but he chose to protect you at all cost. The darkness that overtook him was Asha’s doing, not yours.”

Zoe nodded at Kara. “Yeah, what she said.”

I shot them a tiny sad smile.

“Thanks for the support, guys, but it’s kind of hard to believe any of that when bottom line is, he’s gone because of me.” I hesitated, my eyes afraid to meet Kara’s as I fumbled for the next words. Terrified to ask the question that had haunted me for days. “Kara, what happened after… after Starke blew me off the cliff? What happened to him? How did he react to… what he did?”

Kara knew what I was asking. She knew me well. Her smile was as sad as mine.

“I cannot give you the answer you seek, Jette. I was too busy trying to navigate the villagers through the battle zone. The last glimpse I had of Starke was him standing side by side with Asha, fighting against the wolven.”

I fought against the wave of fear encompassing me at my next words. I really didn’t know if I wanted to hear the answer, but I asked anyway.

“So, he didn’t try to find me? He didn’t even care to know if I survived the fall?” My voice cracked on the question. I hated how pathetic I sounded, but I needed to know.

“Of course he cared, Jette.” Jill’s tone was tinged with her firm belief of her words. “Deep down, we all know he cared, even if he was under the influence of the blood magic. It probably ate him up inside knowing he couldn’t get to you. Right, Kara?”

The faerie shrugged her shoulders, sadness marring her cherub face. “As I said, the last I saw of him, he was fighting at his mother’s side. But it was total chaos at that moment. I cannot confirm or deny that he was worried over you, although like Jill said, I’m sure he was. The wolven went in after you and pulled you out. They got you and all of us to safety, returning us to the village on their own backs. We owe them our lives.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and pasted an overly bright smile on my face, hiding the fact that Kara’s words had crushed me.

“Okay then. Well, at least something good came out of this whole shitshow, right? We have a new ally. Didn’t see that coming. Bish told me the wolves have been protecting the village day and night ever since.”

Kara beamed in relief, glad to be changing the subject, I’m sure. “Yes, they have. They are loyal to the elementals and wish to keep you all safe. A good ally to have.”

“Agreed. And Lord only knows we need as many of those as we can get now. So, maybe you can get on the clean clothes issue, like yesterday?”

Kara beamed at me as she backed up to the door. “On it, my friend.” She averted her gaze to the other two. “Why don’t you two come with me. Give Jette a little more time to rest. The meeting is not for another couple of hours, and she is going to need all her strength to go up against Lady Athena.” She turned her attention back to me.“I will be back shortly with all the solutions to your problems.”

I watched them exit the room, wishing desperately the solution to all my problems really was that easy. But Kara was so wrong. My problems… our problems were just beginning. I knew that instinctively.

Now that I was alone, I let my upbeat façade crumble. Pretending I was strong and okay was really hard. The tears I’d been fighting the whole time the guys had been here filled my eyes as the horrible thoughts I’d tried to bury fought their way to the surface.

He hadn’t even tried to pull me from the water. He had gone past the point of caring. Starke was truly my mortal enemy now.

There was no denying it anymore. No misunderstanding. No wrong opinions on the matter. My Starke was gone. Taken over by the blood magic and Asha’s control.

I glanced down at my wrist and lifted the leather strap away from my skin, a move I’d done often these past few days. Don’t know why I bothered hoping for any change since the rings remained the same. Starke’s black ring was gone. Erased from my skin like he was from my life. All that was left was my blue ring, Zoe’s white, and Jill’s red. I ran my finger over the bare spot where his mark had been, its absence a reminder that we were no longer connected, just like the constant ache in my heart.

My finger slowly moved up from the sigils to my forearm and the glaring runes cut deep into the flesh. The marks were mostly healed now and looked more like tattoos than cuts, but they still screamed at me the ugliness of what they stood for. My failure to keep Asha out of my head and save Starke. The responsibility of the fact that he was gone because of me.

The guilt suddenly overwhelmed me, swamping me with its immensity. I couldn’t contain the tears anymore. They spilled out, trickling down my cheeks and turning my grief to anger.

“Stop being such a crybaby, Jette,” I growled at the empty room, wiping the tears away with the back of my arm. “Pull yourself together, you dipshit. Crying is not going to help anything.”

And it sure as hell won’t bring Starke back. My inner voice decided to get in on the reprimand. She was right. Crying wouldn’t accomplish anything. There was no time for it. Or the self-pity and self-hatred fighting for dominance in my gut. I had the last elemental to find. I had a lost prince to save. And I had a whole room of clan leaders, including my grandmother, to convince not to kill said prince on sight. I had to convince them he could be rescued from the darkness and brought back to our side.

I had my work cut out for me; I knew that. It wasn’t going to be easy. But then again, anything good in life never was. I had learned that way too often over the years.