CHAPTER 35

"Can we just pretend na nothing happend between us? Just like the old days, when you don't remember everything"

Hinatak ko si Sandro sa labas bago pa sila mag away ni Steven. Ayoko ng pinag uusapan kami. I want a peaceful life.

"Can we just pretend huh?"

I looked at him. How can we do something like that? How can I pretend na its okay when its not? I can't even stand looking at him.

"Masaya ba Sandro? Na makitang kinikilig ako sayo without knowing na may namatay dahil saakin? At ang ate ko pa"

I remember rehearsing this question all over again in my head and today I finally got to asked him.

I'm not mad, though. I'm just so ashamed of myself. Someone died because of my greed.

"I didn't know na we'll end up like this, Allison. If I only knew na I'll ended up loving you this much I would have stop myself"

"Its hurts because we lost her but we need to move forward Allison. Hindi magiging masaya si Addison kung makukulong tayo sa nakaraan. You know her, she wants us to be happy" he added.

I bit my lower lips. "Kung alam ko lang sa una palang, hindi na ako lumapit sayo, Sandro. Umiwas na sana ako, hindi na sana ganito kasakit."

"How could you erased me from your life as if I never existed? When in fact, you were the one who chase me until I gave up? Its not easy Allison, when you left me, I was shattered into pieces." He cried. This was my first time na makitang umiiyak si Sandro and it pain my heart.

I want to hug him.

"How can we be happy? Tell me, How? Hindi mo ba naiisip si Ate? Ang unfair para sakanya"

I also cried. I don't know. Maybe because sobrang tagal kong inipon lahat ng ito and were finally letting it all go.

"I was there when you both had an accident. She held my hand and she whispher"

He stop for a moment and take a deep breath. "Look after my sister, Sandro"

May kinuha si Sandro sa bulsa nya. Its a yellow envelope na may blood stain pa.

"Before she died, she wants me to give this letter to you. Until her last breath, she's thinking about you, Allison. I'm sorry if took me a lot of years before I finally hand it over to you."

Hello, my dear little sister!

Uh-oh. I don't know why I am even writing this letter. I should just talk to you but I don't have the guts to do that.

I want to asked for your forgiveness, I know you would hate me for a very long time after this but please do remember na I love you so much Allison. Whatever happens, always remember na you are ate's favorite person in the whole universe.

Sandro and I are dating. I've been thinking for quite some time about this. I'm so sorry kung sa iba mo pa nalaman na I'm dating Sandro.

Will you believe me if I say, Sandro likes you not me? Yes, he likes you, not me. Why am I even saying this when in fact he's already my boyfriend?

There was this one time when I caught him staring at you. I asked him, but he denied it and instead he asked me to date him and I'm so sorry if I had to say yes.

My sweet little sister, Allison. I know we grew up not receiving the same amount of love. I know that, na mom and dad was not fair. Everytime they gave me something, gusto ko meron ka din. I never saw you getting jealous about it, but I know you're crying every night. But please believe me when I say na they love you.

Im planning to finish my studies in US and broke up with him. I want you to be the first person to hear this news. So please talked to me, hm and don't feel guilty about it. Madami pa naman akong maki kilala na mas gwapo kay Sandro sa US. Hehe

I love you so much, Allison. Be happy always. You know naman hindi ba? Na I always want the best for you.

Loving you always through thick and thin,

Addi 🤍

I was crying the whole time while I'm reading Ate's last letter for me. She's so selfless.

I knew that something was wrong with me the whole time, something was missing and it was her.

"Let's go clubbing"

I looked at her. "Hindi ba magagalit si Symon?"

She pout her lips. "We won't tell him"

"How about him? Sa tingin mo ba hindi sya mag sasabi?"

Steven rolled his eyes and smirked "I'm not! Bit I'm going with you!"

Its already 9 in the evening. 2hrs na kaming nakaupo sa loob ng resto. Maagang isinara ni Kalee ang resto dahil may balak pala itong mag clubbing.

"Are you in?" Sabay nilang tanong saakin.

As if I have a choice.

"Grabe! It feels good to be back!" Kalee scream.

Music is playing at parang sasabog talaga ng tenga mo sa sobrang lakas sabayan mo pa ng sigawan ng mga tao sa loob.

I felt Steven hand at my back. "Tell me if you want to come home. We'll ditch her"

I chuckle. Kahit maingay rinig na rinig ko pa din ang boses ni Steven.

I suddenly remember Grayson, I first met him sa club. I should get in touch with him.

"What would you like to drink? Its my treat"

Kahit napaka daming ilaw kitang kita ko kung paano nag twinkle ang mga mata ni Kalee when she heard Steven na manlilibre.

Napa iling na lamang ako.

"Can I have Negroni?"

"Hey! That's a hard one!" Sabay nilang sigaw saakin.

"Can't I?"

"Can you handle your liquor?" Steven asked.

I just shrugged my shoulder. They didn't know na araw araw akong nasa club when I was in US.

Getting wasted is my thing.

"She can! Trust me" pag a-assure ni Kalee kay Steven.

I'm thankful though, because I have the two of them and they stop asking me about what happend.

"Hey, both of you. Behave okay?"

Kinuha ko ang Negroni at ininom ng isang lagukan.

We're not what you would call a ‘party animal’, but Kalee and I often go out with new and old friends alike to nightclubs.

"What the hell." She blurted out. She looks amazed.

I just smiled at them. "Drink" I said.

"You see the guy over there? He keeps looking at you, Reese" Tinignan ko ang sinasabi ni Kalee and she's right. The guy is looking at me. He even raised his glass and wink at me.

That's gross. I saw a lot of guy like him sa US.

"That damn dick head. Stop looking at him" Steven sit beside me and wrap his hand around my waist.

"Whoooooa! Can I dance?"

Hinatak ni Steven si Kalee pa-upo. She's wasted na at kanina pa sayaw ng sayaw.

"No. Sit down. I'm warning you, Kalee. Tatawagan ko si Symon if you don't stop dancing"

"Ang KJ mo naman! Bakit ba sumama kapa?" Reklamo nito.

"Because I know you'll do this!" Sagot naman ni Steven.

"Let her. She know her limits naman" I said.

But he didn't let go Kalee's hand. Inupo nya talaga si Kalee sa tabi nya.

"Symon will probably kill me after this. Damn it."

"No, he won't" That was the thing she said before she passed out.

"See? Knock out na agad sya"

I chuckle. "Let her sleep for a minute. Uubusin ko lang to"

He grabbed my hand. "No, you stop too. Mag pahinga kana. Papunta na si Symon"

"Tsk. Tama ako, tatawagan at tatawagan mo si Symon"

After almost 30 minutes, dumating na si Symon and he's mad. Freakin mad. Nakikita ko sakanya si Sandro whenever he's annoyed.

Damn it. I wish I'll have some amnesia again and this time si Sandro na ang makalimutan ko.

Pathetic huh?

"What the hell Steven! You should have stop them. Sumama kapa talaga!" Sermon agad nito pagka labas namin habang hawak hawak nya si Kalee.

I didn't answer. Kahit noon pa man naiilang ako lagi kapag nandyan si Symon.

"Shhhh, stop" Hindi ko mapigilan na hindi matawa dahil tinakpan ni Kalee ang bibig ni Symon.

"Stop it, babe. So annoying"

"I-hahatid ko na sya, ikaw na ang bahala may Reese"

Steven nod his head. "Take care. Drive safely"

Nagyaya pa mag coffee si Steven bago nya daw ako i-uwi.

"Are you okay?"

This is one of the hardest question to give answer to. They always asked me that. But ..

"Am I really okay?" I looked at the sky.

"There are times when I don't feel like socializing, days when its so hard to get up in my bed and I don't feel like talking to anyone, a nights when I cry myself to sleep"

I take a deep breath and take a sip of my coffee. "Days when I feel a sudden sense of dread overtake me for no apparent cause, and when this happens, I instantly lose all of my enthusiasm."

"You don't need to push your self to the limits and you don't need to be always okay. Its okay not to be okay. So please stop thinking about anything, Reese. Just think about yourself and feel every moment. You'll wake up one day and everything will be okay."

Hinawakan ni Steven ang aking kamay. "Its not your fault, Reese"