CHAPTER 33

My dear Sandro,

I never thought I would be writing you this letter. The way things are now, we are no longer fit in each other's life. We just make each other miserable and make life harder rather than easier. It is time to call it quits and go our separate ways.

I wanted to asked for your forgiveness, If I didn't get in your way, Ate will still be alive today. I'm sorry. I know sorry will never be enough to all the pain that I've put you through.

I'm so ashamed to myself because I forgot my dear ate, who love and cherish me the most. I don't know if I'll be able to live my life after what happend. I'm so disgusted of myself, Sandro. I want to die and asked my ate for forgiveness. But I think it would be unfair for her, so Im going to live forever in guilt. I killed someone.

Sandro, I want you to know I wish you all the best.

Whatever happens, I wish you well. You truly do deserve the best that life has to offer you.

Allison

"Allison"

I smiled at my mom "Hi, mommy"

"Next week will be your ate's 6th year death anniversary"

I nod my head. "I'll pick some flower for her"

I can't imagine na its been 6yrs already.

"Its time to let go all the guilt, anak"

How? How can I move on when I knew that someone died because of me? Not just "someone". Its my ate.

"Do you think, Addison is happy to see you living your life like this?"

I looked at her. "But I'm not happy, mommy"

"It's been 6yrs anak. We should move on and go on with our lives. I know its hard but be strong anak. I cannot bear to lose you, too."

"And always remember, were not blaming you for what happend. Its all an accident okay?" She added.

"Do you want us to come with you? Sa philippines"

I hug her. No matter what she says, I know its my fault.

"Kapag umalis ka dito, I want you to live your life anak without any guilt and regrets. I know it may sounds pathetic or what pero masama ba ako kung hiniling ko na sana hindi mo na lang naalala ang lahat?"

I hug her so tight. "I love you, mom"

"I love you too, anak. It eventually get better, without any explanation"

"Welcome home, Allison"

I looked around, its still the same house. Walang nag bago. Kung paano ko to iniwan 3 yrs ago. Ganito pa din sya.

Kinuha ko ang picture frame na may picture ni Ate at isinabit sa dingding.

"Welcome home, ate"

I remember when I saw a pictures inside the cabinet of Sandro, Its my ate.

I have no news about Sandro and the others because when I went to USA, I leave everything behind.

I wanted to asked Kalee about him but I know wala akong karapatan.

"Nandito na po ako, dad"

"Take care anak. Just call me if something happen okay?"

"Yes, dad"

"You must learn that the odds will not always be on our sides, and that's okay"

"Kailan kapa dumating?"

"Kanina lang" maikling sagot ko at ininom ang coffee na ginawa ni Kalee para saakin.

"Ganda ng resto ah"

"Are you okay?"

"Madami bang kumakain dito?"

"Reese"

"Mukhang masarap"

"STOP IT" she scream. Buti nalang ay kaming dalawa palang ang nasa loob dahil maaga pa.

"Stop changing the topic and answer me. Are you okay?"

Ibinaba ko sa mesa ang hawak kong coffee. I look straight in her eyes. "I'm okay"

"Stop torturing yourself, Reese. I know everything. Tita keep me updated from time to time. Until when will you blame yourself?"

I sigh. "Can we just skip this part? I don't want to ruin the mood, Kalee"

Hinawakan nya ang aking kamay na nakapatong sa mesa. "Nakikita mo ba ang sarili mo? Hindi na ikaw ang dating Reese na nakilala ko. Tangna reese, hindi notebook ang kamay mo! Bakit kailangan mong saktan ang sarili mo? Maibabalik mo ba si Ate Addison sa ginagawa mo? Stop it already! I'm so sick of you doing the same shit. Stop being miserable, Reese! Walang may gusto ng nangyari"

"Sinubukan kong manahimik, pero hindi na tama Reese. Sobra na. Ilang taon na ba ang lumipas? Anim na taon na reese"

Hindi ako umuwi para salubungin lahat ng mga aral ni Kalee pero wala akong magawa. Hindi ako maka sagot dahil alam kong tama sya.

"Please, Im begging you." She cried.

"Stop crying, napaka pangit mo" I wipe away her tears and hug her.

"You can use this one if they want a caramel macchiato."

I help her sa resto nya because there's a lot of customer at hindi pumasok ang isang crew nya. Wala din naman akong gagawin so I insist and she said she'll pay me.

"Miss"

I saw someone raising their hand kaya nilapitan ko sila.

They are wearing the same uniform na sinusuot ko when I'm still studying.

"Can we have a mayo po?" They asked.

I smile "Sure. Ano pa po?"

Running a business is not that easy. Imagine serving a lot of customers by yourself.

"Extra chilli din po"

"Noted."

"I'm sorry babe, I'm late" pag lingon ko nagulat ako dahil si Symon ang naka tayo sa harapan ko ngayon.

"Reese" tawag ni Kalee saakin

"Hi?" Naiilang na bati ni Symon. Pinilit kong ngumiti kahit sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko ngayon. Ayoko sana na malaman nila na bumalik na ako.

"Can you keep it a secret?" I asked Symon and he said yes.

"How are you?"

I smile "I'm good. I can't even imagine na you'll end up dating my bestfriend huh?" Pang aasar ko sakanya.

"People change" He simply answered.

"Hindi mo ba itatanong kung kumusta sya?"

Kahit hindi nya sabihin kung sino, alam ko kung sino ang tinutukoy nya. Nagkibit balikat lang ako.

"Bibigay ko lang to" pag iiba ko ng usapan at kinuha ang mayo at extra chili na kanina pa nila hinihintay.

"I'm so exhausted"

Ngayon lang ulit ako napagod ng ganito and its kinda refreshing.

"Tada. This is your salary. Thank you for helping out!"

"How about mine? Nasaan ang sahod ko?"

"I'll give you a kiss nalang"

I acted like I was going to vomit "Hays, mauna na ako."

"Balik ka ulit bukas okay?" I just nod my head.

It was so hard to let go of something that I haven't got to experience half of what I was aiming for.

A day never goes by without the thought of him in my mind. I know I shouldn't do that but I can't help it.

"I wish you were here with me, Ate"

I went to a supermarket to buy some stuff. I will use my hard earned money from Kalee.

"Ang taas" I whispher. Hindi ko maabot ang sanitary napkin dahil nasa taas ito.

I looked around to asked for help but no one is here.

I tried reaching it pero hindi ko talaga abot.

Nagulat ako dahil bigla nalang may kamay sa itaas.

"Here"

Damn it.

"Steven"

"I saw you walking outside, I thought its not you. But its you"

He still the same Steven.

"Kailan kapa bumalik?" The questions that they keep on asking.

Kinuha ko ang sanitary napkin sa kamay nya at tinalikuran sya. I shouldn't talk to him.

"Hey" He grabbed my wrist. Natigilan pa ito when he saw the cut in my wrist.

"Don't worry hindi ko sasabihan si Sandro na nakita kita. You have nothing to he afraid of."

Why am I even avoiding them? Hinatak ko ang kamay ko sakanya.

"Let's eat dinner. Kanina pa ako gutom" reklamo nito pagkatapos kong bayaran lahat ng pinamili ko.

"Kumain kana sana kanina pa. Hindi ko nga alam bakit hinintay mo pa ako"

Ginulo nya ang aking buhok. Just like what he did when were still studying.

"Magpapalibre ako sayo, galing kang abroad eh"

Napa iling na lamang ako. Isinakay ko lahat ng binili ko sa sasakyan at pumasok ulit para bilhan ng maka kain si Steven.

Sa lahat ng tao bakit sila pa ang makikita ko?

"Thanks for your treat!"

"Pwede na ba akong umuwi?"

He chuckle "Hindi mo ba ako tatanungin kung kumusta sya at kumusta ako?"

"Walang araw na hindi ka sumagi sa isip ko, Reese"