Chapter 87 Dealing with Grace
The call from Grace had disturbed him throughout the weekend. What was he supposed to tell her? Women always seemed to have the uncanny ability to pop in from out of nowhere and screw things up for a man. Grace seemed to be the top performer in the art. Why the hell did she have to pop up now? He had just started to settle into his feelings for Alexandra. He had put Grace and what they’d had together behind him. He hadn’t talked to her since she called late last spring. He remembered her saying something about coming for a visit, but he figured it was just some sort of loneliness talking and that it would never pan out. At the time, he had put any hope of a relationship with Alexandra out of his mind. Had he left an open invitation to Grace? He suddenly realized that he had.
What he and Grace once had was deep and strong, for a time. They had always been able to communicate well. They rarely fought. They had arguments and heated discussions like every couple since Adam and Eve, but they seemed to be able to avoid getting nasty. That was pretty hard to find in a relationship. They were both well-educated and enjoyed writing. Grace enjoyed the peaceful things in life and understood not to disturb him when he was in his quiet space. It was very rare to find someone who truly understood who he was and truly “got him.”
The long drive to do the seminar in Kansas gave him plenty of time to think. The entire trip, apart from the time that he spent actually doing the seminar or when he was being introduced to someone that the host of the event thought was important, he was struggling with what to do about the phone call. It had been several days old when he had heard the message. It was normal, and Grace would know that and not expect a return call for several more days. He tried to dismiss it from his head. He wanted to dodge it completely, but dodging issues had never worked out very well for him before. So, he spent most of his trip worrying over what he was going to do or say.
“I wish that you could tell me what to do,” he confided in Lucy. She had sensed his preoccupation and crawled over to lie in his lap, looking up at him from time to time as if she were inviting him to tell her everything. He considered how different the two dogs were. Sam was the eager socialite. He loved everybody and was ready to greet everyone and bring them into his trust immediately. When he wrote about them, he drew the distinction quite clearly. Lucy, on the other hand, seemed quiet and shy, but there was an incredible sensitivity in her that was almost human. In many ways, Lucy and Annie, his mustang mare, were very much alike. They knew the deepest parts of his soul. He imagined a conversation with Lucy over his current circumstances. What would she say?
Lucy loved Grace and Alexandra equally. She probably had no preference and no logical reason for excluding or including either one in her life.
“It’s a lot simpler for you,” Evan responded to her unspoken argument. “You don’t have to make a choice.”
When it came right down to it, did he really even have a choice? There was no way that he could be sure of the intentions of either of them. He loved them both. The problem was that, unlike his four-legged pet, he was not able to keep both in his life. Sometimes he wished that he could avoid all the choices that he had to make in his life by being one of the four-legged animals that he loved so much. None of them had to make any kind of commitment to one particular mate over another. Fate and nature took care of that.
“Did fate and nature already take care of my choice too?” he said, looking down at the upturned face. Her eyes were soft and intelligent. He was certain that she could read his thoughts.
Sam raised his head from his comfortable place on the floorboard of the passenger’s seat and looked at him as he talked to Lucy. He loved to curl up in the relative shade on the cool floorboard as they drove along. A tinge of jealousy overtook him as he noticed the extra attention that Lucy was getting, so he hopped up onto the seat, pushed his muzzle under Evan’s arm, and then turned over onto his back for his tummy scratching.
In that moment, Evan realized that they were both a reflection of himself. One was wise, understanding, and eager to listen, but a little bit more reserved; the other was eager to please and would very easily be taken advantage of by the wrong person. He had always been like Sam with Grace. Because she had such stunning beauty, it was sometimes hard for him to keep from rolling over onto his back and begging her to give him attention.
“You’re not helping a bit,” he said to Sam as he changed hands on the steering wheel so that he could scratch Sam’s tummy.
On the return trip to the ranch, his mind was occupied, alternating between the qualities of the two women. He began to form a decision and get a clearer view of things. He saw each of the women in their own light and considered their qualities, and each of the dogs reflected something of who he was. As he drove into the driveway of the little ranch, he had finally concluded. He had to do what was best for him. He could not dwell on how his decision was going to affect either of the women. They would deal with it in their own way.
Tired from the long weekend, he parked the truck, and the three of them hopped out, eager to be at home. Evan decided that he would not dwell on things any longer. He had made his decision. While Lucy and Sam trotted off into the yard to take care of their business, Evan went into the house, went directly to the phone, picked it up, and started dialing.