A NEW ALLY
JACK CROW
I roll the ballerina between my fingers as I sit on the bed, listening to the sound of the train cutting the tracks. I take a deep breath, my mind showing me Selly’s terrified eyes when she pushed herself back before turning and running from me. I actually went after her, choosing to find her instead of following those men to find out who they were, but I ended up with no trace of Selly, not knowing if she had gone back to Amelia’s carriage or not. Because of that, I returned to mine, feeling frustrated for not having found her, feeling like an idiot for what I did.
What the hell was going through my head to kiss her?!
When I arrived, Fredo was waiting for me, his face worried and his chest rising and falling quickly from the shots he had heard. He thought they had caught me, and I told him what happened: that a man had killed the elephants because he got irritated by the noise. I also told him that Selly was there and saw the animals being killed, but I didn’t say I ended up kissing her, which made her even more scared and run away.
Instead, I described the German-looking man, asking if he had ever seen him around the circus. He said no, that he had never seen anyone like the one I described walking here. I watched my friend sitting with his head down, his eyes turning red, still in disbelief over the animals’ fate.
Pure outrage took hold of him at dawn, when everyone was called to a meeting in the circus tent to receive the news about the animals’ deaths. The story told was that the mother elephant fell ill and fainted, dying on top of her baby and suffocating it. I saw the pain on everyone’s faces, as well as the fact that each one knew it was a lie.
The damn shots echoed through the camp, and there was no way not to hear those shots, but Spook didn’t even blink once when giving the news. And while he lied, his damn dog stood beside him, with a gun holstered at his waist, in plain sight for everyone to see, my eyes searched for Selly, not finding her among the circus people.
As soon as the damn meeting ended, I left the tent and went after her, hunting to see if she was with the lion. My fierce friend wasn’t happy to see me standing in front of his cage and showed his fangs again as he stared at me. However, there was no sign of Selly around, nor any sign of the murdered animals.
I walked to where the mother elephant and her baby’s cage had been and saw only tire marks in the dirt ahead. They probably used a truck to remove them before dawn, leaving no trace. I walked silently around the place, watching closely the poor injured bear, still curled up in the corner of its cage.
When I looked down at the dirty wood covered with hay, I noticed for sure there was a trapdoor there. I had to find a way to see what they had hidden inside the cage, but I didn’t have time to try to peek. Soon, Dior’s presence was felt, the strong smell of alcohol exuding as he stopped beside me and stared at me.
I lied, saying, “Fredo sent me to find the lion girl and tell her he needed her help.”
Dior shrugged, shaking his head, saying, “Tell Fredo to manage on his own because Selly didn’t wake up well this morning and is staying in the carriage with Amelia.”
I turned my back on him, walking firmly, recalling the lie in his eyes. But I couldn’t go after her to find out what was happening, not when the circus was already being taken down to load the train and the carts. Belmonte was yelling loudly, giving orders and saying, “The circus will leave at 4 pm, and anyone who hasn’t taken down their tent, packed their belongings, and is ready to leave will be left behind, because the circus won’t wait for anyone.”
Fredo made me help him take down the big show tent with the help of other men, and that’s what everyone did from 6 am until 4 pm, without anyone resting for a single damn second, since Belmonte and Chester were like executioners yelling as they gave orders.
Sweat ran down my skin as I worked, with the sun burning us, and I saw the tired and exhausted faces of everyone. Fredo could barely walk, his legs aching from the brutal and cruel labor being imposed. The women carried trailers, taking down camps, while the men took care of the bleachers, ticket booths, and animals, loading them onto the train.
It was cruel and inhuman, and it made me hate what Spook was doing to these people. At the same time, I was outraged by everyone’s silence in the face of Spook’s cruelty. Fredo told me most of them had condemned souls who couldn’t live outside the circus.
The world outside the tents could be even more cruel than here, and everyone still looked down on the circus people with prejudice, as degenerates, as useless outside the circus as a nail without a point, and that’s why the circus people accepted what Spook did, kept silent, scared, preferring the evil they knew over an unknown evil.
I watched that bastard Spook sitting under a parasol, drinking cold juice, while eating and watching everyone closely. Everyone was fucking themselves, working, while he refreshed himself in the shade and fed.
And I felt disgusted with myself, wanting to tear the skin off my hands in pure revulsion when I saw myself pushing Spook aside as he got up and started walking among the people working at the camp, almost hit by a metal beam that a middle-aged man named Lafit hadn’t properly secured.
The truth was the poor man was getting tired, since it was past 3 pm and we had no lunch, not a single minute of rest. Everyone was exhausted, so he didn’t properly secure the beams atop the wagons. The beam rolled quickly, heading straight for Spook, giving me just enough time to push him, my body falling on top of his, taking him out of the beam’s path, which only stopped when it smashed into a trailer, making it shake.
I hated that man, and I wasn’t going to let him die by a damn metal beam, a product of chance. Not after waiting ten years to kill him with my own hands.
I still feel disgusted with myself remembering him squeezing my fingers as I smiled humbly, having him thank me for saving him. Then he turned away hurriedly and went to his trailer, finding his guard dog halfway and cursing him for Chester being distracted and almost letting him die when it was Chester’s job to protect him.
They both disappeared when Spook went into his trailer, leading the others. Fredo told me some traveled in trailers that Spook had bought to add to the circus, leaving the train for those who chose to travel by wagon. Fredo also told me he preferred traveling in the wagon because it was the only time he could get rid of Chester, Spook, and Belmonte.
I asked him who went on the train, and Fredo fell silent, studying me with a serious look, only telling me quietly that if I wanted to know if any aerial ballerinas went on the train, the answer was yes. Along with Dior and Amelia.
I didn’t see her, not once since last night, and was almost about to go to Amelia’s damn wagon to find out how Selly was, but I didn’t. Not when the train whistle blew, warning it was about to leave. Fredo got in first, followed by me, the huge door closing behind us as I looked at the bunks inside the wagon.
I sat on the bed in silence, my body aching from hard work and my hands full of calluses, listening to the train begin to move, while all I saw in my mind was Selly’s face.
“I have good news.”
I looked up at the door at the back right corner of the wagon, which opened, and I saw Fredo passing quickly through it, throwing an apple in my direction, which I caught in the air.
“She’s fine.”
“Did you see her?” I asked, getting up from the bed, my heart racing. “Di
d you go to Amelia’s wagon?”
“No, it wasn’t necessary...”