Chapter 8 Regret and fear
Ira’s POV
I hiss as the damp floor of the cell amplifies the cold already sinking into my bones. The locks on the cell click into place and I slowly pull myself into a corner, my lips wobbling as I finally start to process my feelings.
I drawn my knees to my chest, the blood on my hand staining my knees. Still I wrap my arms around my legs, silently hoping it will keep me from shaking.
It doesn't.
My eyes fall shut and the first image I see is Oren kicking against the man carrying him, Anna crying as her hand gets twisted. Their screams, their scared voices…
A sob breaks from my throat. I hold myself tighter when a heavy gust of wind rushes past the cell.
“Shit! It looks like it's gonna rain heavily tonight.”
“Hey! Lock up the doors so the touches don't go out.”
More shouts fill the hall but the ache in my chest… the feeling of failure, of loosing the only family I've ever had… grows until it becomes crippling.
“I'm sorry… I'm so sorry,” I cry out, my shoulders shaking as tears rush down my cheeks.
“I should have fought harder. I.. I should n..never have slept. I failed you, I failed you…” the words repeatedly leave my lips as I continuously strike myself across the face.
Pain spreads across my left cheek but I don't stop.
I don't stop because I know I caused this.
We should never have left the house. I don't even know if they are still alive.
“FUCK!!!” I scream, my throat threatening to split open.
My hand for the eight time hangs in the air, shivering. I bring it down again, hitting myself across my cheek but it doesn't land hard enough.
“Please forgive me,” my voice cracks and I press a hand to my lips, shaking my head as more tears spill over.
What if I never see them again?
What if they face more trauma than I'd feared before running away?
The sound of thunder swallows up the silence. I lift my face toward the tiny square hole in the wall. Grey light filters through it, and then, like the world is crying with me, rain begins to fall.
It starts as a drizzle, soft against the stones, then within a few minutes it turns into a furious storm.
The sound fills the cell, drowning out my stuttering heartbeat. Surprisingly it calms me down, easing my aching heart a bit by giving me a sound other than my thoughts to focus on.
Slowly I drag my hand over my face, wiping warm tears away. And so closing my eyes, I press my trembling lips tightly together.
I don't dare fall asleep again because I know the moment I do, I'm going to wake up to something worse.
After a few hours, the sun rises in the sky. It's at that moment I hear gentle steps approaching my cell.
I quickly push myself to my feet, my breath stuck in my throat.
Then I stiffen, picking up the sound of two more people. The residue of darkness in the corridor gets chased by the bright light from a lantern.
A short petite lady steps into view. Her eyes find me immediately. Her face drops as she takes me in.
One of the guards who'd escorted her to my cell carefully unlocks the door, then holds it open for her.
The other steps inside with her, his watchful eyes not wavering for even a second.
The lady sets the lamp down and carries the bucket in her hand closer. Her steps are gentle… too gentle to be a threat.
Her brown long hair sweeps the floor when she drops to her knees, getting everything ready –a towel, a bottle of water and a small wrap of bandages.
“You have to sit so I can clean your wounds,” Her calm fairy voice breaks the silence.
I do as told, carefully dropping to my knees in front of her. I spare a glance at the man watching us but he doesn't say a word and just keeps glaring.
“Sit still,” she says softly, squeezing some water from the towel she'd initially soaked in the bucket. “I’m going to clean you up.” she adds with a hint of apology in her tone.
With a sharp glare I watch her every move, trying to decipher if she's safe or not.
“I won’t hurt you,” she whispers, placing the cold cloth against back.
I bite down on my lips to keep from hissing.
“My name’s Sia.” she speaks again.
I don't respond because I don't owe her any information about me.
She dips the napkin into the water, wrings it out, then begins wiping my face this time. Her fingers are soft against my skin. Almost as soft as her voice.
“You’re lucky,” she murmurs after a while. The only reason I hear her is because of her close to my ear she says it. “No one attempts to hurt commander Ruel and survives it.”
I blink, her words making my stomach twist as I remember how hard he'd slam me against the wall last night.
I must have broken a bone at least.
“You shouldn't try that again.” She says calmly but I lean away from her.
“You don't tell me what to do.” I seethe, drawing the attention of the man in the cell with us.
“You don’t realize it yet, but no one crosses him and walks away. Not men, not soldiers, and certainly not servants.”
I clench my hands in my lap. The ropes had left faint burns on my wrists so that too hurts.
“Listen, there’s no escaping this place,” she continues, wringing out the cloth again. “Don’t fight them. Don’t try to be clever. Just do as you’re told.”
I look up at her through the strands of my wet hair. “And if I don’t?”
Her eyes soften. “Then they’ll break you until you do.”
When she finishes, she sets the bucket aside and pulls a folded piece of fabric from a small satchel. It's a thicker dress. A pretty clean one too.
“Put this on,” she says softly. “It’s warmer. The commander doesn’t want anyone freezing before interrogation.”
Without arguing I pull the dress on slowly, the rough fabric dragging against my sore skin.
When I’m done, I sit there awkwardly, not knowing what to do next.
Sia hesitates, then walks out, carrying her tools along.
I sit still, my eyes burning with fresh tears as I imagine Anna and Oren's faces.
If they’re alive, I’ll find them. I don’t care what I have to do.
“AHHHH!!” A high pitched scream strikes from the cell down the hall, piercing my heart with dread.