Chapter 55 You're poisoning us
Ruel's POV
Elric stands near the table when I enter the study, waiting.
I inhale deeply, preparing myself for his questions but he doesn’t speak immediately.
Rather he reaches into his coat and sets a small folded sachet down on the table between us.
The brown powder nearly looks like coffee in the dim light.
“It's the fifth this week.” Elric says.
My jaw tightens as I pick it up, my eyes noticing the larger quantity this time.
“The fifth this week,” I repeat his words under my breath.
“You’ve been pushing yourself hard.” He says.
Krist snarls at the smell of the powder once I open the sachet.
“I hate that thing.” he groans.
I ignore him, knowing after having him posses my body like that, I need to keep him under control so he doesn't do something stupid when I'm asleep.
“Are you sure you want to keep using it or we'll find another thing?” Elric asks.
“It’s necessary,” I say, more to myself than to Elric. “Hand it here.”
Krist presses harder against my skull.
“It hurts. You know it does, Ruel.”
I tilt the sachet back, swallowing without water like I’ve done a couple of times before.
The powder sticks to my throat which is a surprise. A rough cough shakes my body as I choke.
My throat seizes violently, my breath tearing out of me in sharp, panicked gasps.
The cough grows louder and worse and I grab the edge of the table, trying to figure out what's wrong but then Krist speaks.
“Stop forcing it,” he says.
I grab the edge harder. “Don’t,” I rasp. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do after going against every darn principle we laid down.”
“We? You made all those principles. You never once asked for my opinion.” He attacks.
My lungs burn as fury fills my chest.
“Ruel, relax.” Elric says, stepping forward.
But how can I when Krist is driving me nuts.
Krist lets out a bitter laughter.
I slam my fist into the table, creating a long crack across the surface as the wood splits beneath my knuckles.
“Get out of my body!” I snarl, clawing at my own throat wishing I can tear him off me. “Stop stealing control every time I try to do what needs to be done!”
“You’re poisoning us, you fool.”
“I’m controlling you,” I spit. “Like I’ve always had to.”
My vision burns and my hands shake.
“You think this makes you strong?” Krist snaps. “Swallowing pain so others don’t have to see it? So you don't have to face your responsibility?!”
Elric freezes and my eyes widen as I shut my mouth. A mouth Krist just used in speaking.
How did he… how can he control my body while I'm still in control?
“You heard that?” I mutter, breathing hard. Elric nods but says nothing. “He’s acting up again,” I say harshly. “Something is wrong with my wolf.”
Elric's eyes watch me closely.
Krist goes very still. But when his words once again come out of my mouth, it's unmistakably furious.
“You always say that,” Krist says aloud. “Like I’m a sickness that relapses.”
Elric stares at my mouth, at the way my tone shifts mid-breath.
“Stop it,” I stagger back, grabbing my head.
Memories from Krist slam into me without mercy.
“You remember our training days,” he says, pacing about my study. “You remember all those commands.”
I grit my teeth. “You are seriously bringing the past up because I want to take a drug that'll be in both our favours.”
“You remember how they drilled us,” Krist continues. “How they expected me to fall in line.”
Elric swallows audibly.
“You remember what always happened when I didn’t.”
I see it again… My wolf getting kicked by the Alpha King. Even covered in mud, Krist had dared to bare his bloody teeth.
His stubbornness always left him bruised, which always left me in pain. More pain than the emotional trauma I was struggling with.
“You never listened. You fought your pairs, broke formation, turned when you shouldn’t have. Hell, you lunged when you were told to hold. And guess who took all the beating this man .. ME!”
“I was punished for doing what strengthened us. I was punished for trying to preserve our dignity. I was flogged again, and again, and again.” Krist throws back.
“You were out of order,” I snap. “You endangered others.”
My fists tighten.
“And you let them beat that into us,” he roars. “You stood there while they dragged us out. While they restrained me. While they called me mad.”
My head slams back against the wall as Krist takes full control, the impact rattling my teeth.
Elric jumps but he doesn’t interfere.
“I learned to submit,” Krist snarls, keeping my head against the wall with a harsh breath. “Not because you controlled me, but because you never defended me.”
My chest tightens painfully at the crack in his voice.
“That’s not….”
“You agreed with them,” Krist cuts in. “You believed I was wrong. You believed I was broken. That I was something to be fixed!”
“We all thought you were unstable,” I say through clenched teeth. “You fought everyone. You wouldn’t listen to a soul.”
“I always listened to you.” He says quietly. “Yet you hated me for it.”
Silence crashes down hard as I try to understand his last statement.
Elric takes a step back, his face growing pale the longer he looks at me.
“You trained me to disappear,” Krist continues. “To shut myself out. To kneel in submission. And now you’re angry that I want to break your dumb principle? If I don't accept myself, how will we ever protect our mate like we should?”
My throat tightens.
“That powder gives you headaches,” Krist says. “It fractures our thoughts. And when it wears off…The hunger comes back stronger.” he scratches his head aggressively. “You blame me for running to Ira Everytime. Yet this bond thrives on this damn suppressant.”
He steps closer to the desk, bracing my hands against it.
“We could be happy,” Krist says. “If you stopped treating desire like a sin.”
I stiffen.
“We could stop hurting,” he continues. “If you let her like us.”
“No,” I snarl. “No.”
Krist turns insanely furious.
“We can’t,” I seethe, fear overriding everything else. “Not when she’s a stray!”
Those words fall into the room like shattered glass.
Elric’s breath catches sharply and he steps closer.
“S…She’s a what?” he stutters, making me groan in annoyance internally.