Chapter 46 How sure are you?
Ruel's POV
We don't stop hunting until nightfall. And by then everyone is too tired to warm up so I dismiss them.
The only few people who stay behind, stay to clean up some training equipment.
I stride away from them, my paws moving to the back of the training ground. With a groan I shift back to my human form.
It's so painful that sweat breaks out on my skin. My breathing becomes heavy and my eyes sting with tears.
I would say Mira was right and that I'm beginning to react to the overdose I'd taken earlier but she said my heartbeat would grow slow….
I swear I can feel the rapid pumping of blood in my veins, causing my heart to race.
The night air hits my skin like ice, and I suck in a breath, needing it, needing anything cold to calm me.
“Didn’t she say I’d start passing out…?” I whisper. “Why do I feel so alive? So… untamable?”
I close my eyes, inhaling deeply as I try to force my heart to slow down. Because if it keeps this pace, I’ll lose control.
But looking for peace makes me think of her.
Not like her name ever left my mind. She’s always behind my thoughts, in every breath I take, but now my body burns for her scent. That scent with the power to drag me back from the edge. That scent that keeps me sane.
“Ruel?” Krist whispers from the back of my mind.
“No.” I cut him off harshly.
I grab a pair of pants from an open box on the floor and shove my legs in it swiftly. My hands shake so bad the fabric catches on my heel.
“We need her scent,” Krist growls, no longer hiding his hungry tone.
“I know what we need,” I grit out. “But I’m not doing that. Yes her scent has the power to calm us but it comes with a price. And that addiction to a… It's not worth It.”
I will be a fool to allow myself become dependent on a sempyr. Being moon-bound to her is already more than a pitiful weakness.
“Didn’t I take enough?” I groan, dropping onto a bench made of old wood. “I drank a whole bottle.”
I glance down, relieved to see no tent between my thighs this time. It gives me one second of control. One second of dignity.
I bend forward, burying my face in my palms, breathing shallow, focusing on sound. Anything but the growing desire in my abdomen.
I can hear branches shift in the wind, there's a faint distant howl. I try to focus on anything… everything except her eyes, her lips, that cursed sweet floral SCENT!
But that only makes me want it more.
I want my mouth on her skin. I want to taste her until she forgets her name and says mine instead.
Hell, I want to kiss her…hard.
My fingers shake. My jaw clenches. This is different. This doesn’t feel like Krist pushing me toward her. This feels like my body is split in two — fighting itself, burning itself alive.
I want Ira crying out my name as I thrust into her cunt, pleasuring her in ways no one ever can.
I want her on her knees, those large eyes submissive and pleading…
This feels like something is waking up in me. A frightening hunger that I've tried to tame since the first day I saw her.
I drag my hand through my short hair, lifting my head with a low groan.
But then I freeze.
I’m not alone.
Elric stands about twenty feet ahead, leaning against one of the wooden posts. He’s already shifted back. His shirt drifts with the wind, showing me just how much weight he's lost over the past months.
Now that I think of it, I've never asked how he's doing after…
“You went to the clinic today.” His strong voice echoes across the clearing as he steps closer with his jaw tight.
“And how’s that your business?” I bite out.
“That’s a stupid question,” he snaps. “Your well-being is damn well my business.”
Elric stops six feet from me, his arms folded, his bright eyes filled with anger and worry alltogether.
My fury spikes, sudden and ugly. I stand fast, glaring at him. “Correct how you speak to me or get the hell out of my sight.”
Elric’s lips tightens. “That was a foolish thing to do Ruel. Even if you were hard, you don't put yourself in harms way. You acted selfishly and that is not a wise thing to do when you know so many people rely on you staying alive.”
Something inside me snaps.
It frightens me… because this is Elric. The one person who never bows to me, the one equal I trust. And suddenly I want him to kneel.
I want him to submit!
“Watch your tone, Elric” I command. “You will show some respect when you speak to me.”
Elric goes still. He doesn't look scared but he does look shocked. Definitely not as shocked as I am.
But I just can't stand him talking to me with disrespect.
Suddenly the training ground feels too quiet. My ears pick up the footsteps exiting the ground and I sigh realizing the last warriors around must be leaving.
My heart slams hard. Because this no longer feels like I'm battling just the mate pull. It's like there's something else slowly being set free within me. And it's thirsty for dominance.
“I don’t owe you anything,” I say, keeping my voice controlled. “Not how I live, not what I take, not how much.”
Elric’s head tilts, his eyes narrowing like he’s measuring the distance between the Ruel he knows and the one in front of him.
Then he steps forward. He keeps his eyes on my as though gauging my expression. And then he's right in front of me.
He's close enough to smell the soap he'd used in bathing.
“I apologize,” he says, calmly. “For earlier. I shouldn’t have come at you like that.”
Elric glances around when I say nothing. “I need to tell you something,” he adds.
“Then talk,” I say impatiently.
He looks up at the sky, then at me. “The last time I was rushed to the clinic, when I keep losing consciousness and throwing up…”
My stomach tightens at the terrible memory. “That was months ago.” I almost lost him.
“I needed to get someone out of my head,” he says.
“You what?”
“I was losing sleep, losing control…. I didn’t care what it cost as long as I stopped thinking of them.” he keeps talking, his eyes turning distant. “It was nearly half a bottle of suppressant. It almost killed me. I blacked out for hours in your arms remember? I thought I wouldn’t wake.”
My brows knit. “Elric, why are you telling me this now?”
“Because you drank a whole bottle today,” he says softly.
Wind pushes through the trees, carrying the cold scent of grass. My heartbeat pounds in my ears.
Elric’s eyes search mine. “Ruel, how sure are you,” he whispers, “that you’re a beta?”