Chapter 42 Truth hurts
Ruel's POV
Every step we take further away from my room just fills me with rage.
I glare at the ground, avoiding Elric's gaze because how do I tell him I've never been more pissed about his presence than I was the moment he barged into the room.
I don't know what I was doing or looking for, but having Ira in my arms felt… perfect. At least in that moment it felt like everything I needed.
Now that I think more about it, my face twists in a frown.
How could it have felt perfect to hug a sempyr? What on earth has gotten into me? Certainly I'm insane… completely out of it.
Every knot in my head has obviously been loosened ‘cause no sane commander of the army of Vahl will find solace in the arms of a sempyr.
We step further into the woods, the night turning dark, oddly darker than usual. As though even the moon goddess can sense the future doom that's sure to come if I do not eliminate the sempyr now.
All I have to do is tell Elric. His judgement isn't clouded by some cursed bond. He surely wouldn't hesitate to wipe out the threat in our midst.
But that's the problem, how do I hand over the only being with the ability to calm my raging heart… the only person whose presence has ever felt perfect.
I stop, watching Elric lean against a very tall old tree. He shifts on his feet, briefly crunching dry leaves under his feet.
“What was that with you and Ira back there?” he says softly and although I know that's not what he initially had in mind to comment on, I play along, giving him time to control his obvious anger.
“It was only a hug.”
“It seemed like more. Did you use the medicine?” Elric questions, pulling away from the tree.
“Elric, what exactly is it you want to talk to me about?”
His shoulders stiffen. “He shouldn’t have done that,” Elric finally spits, his words boldly bearing spite. “Alpha king Andre shouldn’t have humiliated you like that.”
I turn away, not wanting to talk about this. I don't need condemnation from anyone.
“And he shouldn’t have dumped that damn mission on you on top of everything else,” he pushes on. “The Alpha King is…”
“Your master,” I say, my words calm. “When he commands, we obey without question.” I remind Elric but clearly he doesn't agree anymore as his jaw clenches.
“Not when his command is that mission!” he exclaims, furiously pointing his finger to the side.
“That mission is what it is,” I say. “I’ll do it.”
I watch silently as his jaw drops once he senses the finality in my tone. Laughter rooted in disbelief bursts forth from him.
“You’ll do it? That’s all you have to say? After everything? Even when you know he's already positioning Scarface to take over from you.”
I turn to him, my eyes growing tired. “And who's fault is that? Mine. I’ll do exactly as I am ordered this time. No mistakes will be permitted.” The words taste poisonous in my mouth as I remember the children I'll have to eliminate if I must gain the alpha king's favour.
Elric shakes his head. “You’re talking like he’s some god who deserves your blind loyalty.” He snaps, glaring daggers at me.
“The king is sending you to wipe out an entire group. Including the innocent pups among them. Do you hear how heartless that is?”
My eyes narrow darkly. “It is not in my place to question that.” I say, ignoring the ache in my chest.
“But it is,” Elric shoots back. “You should have made him understand. You should have told him how cruel it was. How unfair. How you cannot bear to rip life out of innocent children.”
“I couldn’t tell him that and you know it.” I bite out.
“Why not?” he demands in a harsh voice.
I hold his angry gaze. “Because upsetting the alpha king would only discourage him from…”
“Giving you back your lost memories,” Elric finishes, his voice heavy with frustration.
I stare dumbfounded as the exact same words he just muttered hang in my throat. The bastard.
Elric steps closer. “Of course. I know it's that again. It's the same excuse you give for every damn failure.”
Elric stops moving when he's right in front of me.
“You’ve lived fine without them for years,” he says. “You’ve survived. You’ve led. You’ve bled for Vahl. And what has he done? Nothing. It doesn’t seem like the king will do a damn thing about your lost memories, Ruel.”
My hands harden in fists beside me.
“Elric,” I warn.
“No.” He shakes his head hard. “You need to hear this. You have been promised your past for more than a decade, Ruel. Years of fighting. Years of waiting. And for what? Empty words. Empty words that you are still forcing yourself to believe.”
“Stop,” I growl, closing the gap between us.
“No,” he repeats. “You want me to shut up? Then hit me. Because I’m done watching you ruin yourself over something that isn’t coming back.”
My control slips as anger pushes through. “Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” I snap.
He scowls. “Ruel, I was there when the king first promised you. I was there every year after that. I’ve watched you go to war after war thinking this time he’ll give you what he owes you.”
“Elric,”
Elric ignores my warning
“How much longer,” he says, stepping unbelievably closer, “before you get it into your thick skull that it’s all a lie?”
“Elric stop.”
“No,” he pushes on. “How. Much. Longer?”
“You’re a hypocrite,” I snarl as something inside me shatters.
Elric pauses.
My furious gaze burns into his eyes. “You encouraged me all these years. You kept telling me not to give up. You told me to keep fighting. You told me I would get them back. And now you say I’m stupid for believing it?”
He opens his mouth, but I don’t let him speak.
“If you always thought I was an idiot,” I say, my voice tight, “then why are you still here? Why stick with me on this mission? Why follow me at all?”
The slight burn in my chest pisses me off even more because it proves just how much his words hurt. How true his words are.
Elric’s face twists. not with anger this time, but something sadder.
“Because you’re the only family I have left,” he says, then breathes out, shaky. “but you are quickly becoming a coward. You used to be bold and reckless, now you act like you are scared of the alpha king. Even when you are stronger now than before!”
The forest goes still. Even the wind takes a pause.
For a while, I don't speak. My fists shake but I hold myself back.
I glare straight into his eyes. “You know what I want right now?” I say quietly.
His throat moves as he swallows. “What?”
“I want to punch you.”
He lifts his chin slightly, as if daring me to do it.
“I want to break your nose,” I continue. “Break your jaw… so hard your wolf will be unable to put you back together.”
His breath shakes but he says no more.
I don’t either and after another second, I turn around and storm off. .
“Ruel, wait.” Elric stutters but I don't.
Because I meant what I said… I want to hurt him so badly that I know I will do it if I stay even one more second.
It's easy to condemn me when you've never been in my shoes.
I keep walking without looking back and somehow I just know… this isn't like our regular fight. This time, Elric really crossed his boundary.
Just because he has the opportunity to know my plight doesn't give him the right to use it against me.