Chapter 135 Thoughts in my head
Ira’s POV
Bukasvad shifts beside me, the movement small, barely enough for me to notice. For a brief second his shoulder brushes mine and then he settles again.
He's so close that the warmth from him makes me aware of the cold rain soaking into my clothes.
I don’t move away, lacking the energy to withdraw.
In slow lines the freezing water runs down my face, gathering on my lashes before falling. It mixes with the tears I've failed to keep hidden.
Ruel is going to be executed for treason.
It takes me a while… a while to get my tongue to move. And when it does, my voice comes out cracked and inaudible.
“It does not make sense.” I say, and Bukasvad's eyes turn to me.
I turn slightly toward him, my words clearer this time. “If Ruel really told the king about me, then why is he the one being punished? Why would the king kill the man who gave him what he wanted?”
Bukasvad lets out a slow breath, turning his gaze back to the forest ahead of us as if he is thinking it through.
“I don't think Alpha King Andre plans to kill him,” he says calmly after a moment. “Men like Commander Ruel are not easy to replace. Strength like his is still useful even after betrayal. The whole thing sounds more like a rumor than truth.”
My head spins even more.
“What if I got everything wrong?” I mutter quietly to myself. “What if Ruel never told the king anything about me?”
Bukasvad turns to me fully now, but I keep my eyes ahead.
“He wasn't shocked about my hair…” I say, my voice tightening as the memory comes back, “What if he's being punished for trying to keep me a secret?”
My fingers grip my wet clothes.
“I never got to confirm that he actually sent that letter to the king,” I admit shakily.
“But now I cannot stop thinking about it. What if he kept my secret all this time? What if he was protecting me…” My voice weakens. “And I repaid him by running away and thinking the worst of him?”
Bukasvad's voice cuts through the noise of the rain, a hint of annoyance in his tone.
“If it wasn't commander Ruel, then who could have known?” he asks.
My breath comes out shaky when I exhale. “Sia… Cath… they knew too. It could have been any of them.” I mutter.
The rain keeps falling, filling the silence as my chest gets even tighter at the thought of people I considered friends betraying me.
“What if I am the reason he is going to die?” I whisper.
Bukasvad stiffens beside me. “Ira, you cannot just assume that. And even if he does die, he will be paying for his sins. He led the warriors that murdered several people of our clan.”
I glare at him but he keeps his eyes hard. “And what if he truly did inform the king of your existence? Why can't you just let him go. Forget about him.”
“What if it was not him?” I press, the thoughts coming faster now. “What if I blamed the one person who never truly hurt me?!”
He looks at me closely.
“I believed Cath and Sia would never betray me, but what if they did? What if they told someone close to the king because they thought it was the right thing to do?”
Each thought makes it worse.
“And all this time…” My voice drops. “I have been blaming Ruel.”
I can see it clearly now. My stomach twists, the weight of it all feeling impossible to bear.
A loud thunder strikes above us, the wind cries, slamming windows shut, the cloud darkening into pitch black.
“Ira, you need to take a deep breath and calm down.” Bukasvad says carefully. “You can't just jump to such conclusions. You are blinded by the memory of his deception. Ruel isn't whatever he made you believe. That man is vile and heartless.”
My shoulders shake subtly as I break down in a sob. “If anything happens to him because of me, I do not know how I will live with it. I do not know how… Even if he betrayed me, he doesn't deserve to die.”
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together.
Bukasvad’s hand rests on my arm, feeling warm even in the rain. “Ira,” he says, firm but gentle, “you need to come inside. You are freezing.”
“I cannot,” I say, my voice breaking. “There’s no strength in me to move.”
The doors behind us suddenly slam open, the sound loud against the storm.
Quick footsteps follow.
I turn around, surprised to see the head witch, marching toward us.
Buk stands immediately but I remain sitted, taking more of the other people that also emerge from the house… but their steps are much calmer than hers.
Her robes soon get soaked in the storm, her face hard with anger as her eyes lock on me.
“CONTROL YOURSELF!” she snaps, her black eyes deadly.
I blink at her. “What are you talking about?”
“The fog we built around this place is getting weaker,” she says, her voice destructive. “Do you know how much power it takes to hold it?”
I shake my head, confused. “But I’m not doing anything.”
Her eyes narrow. “The storm is reacting to you. Your emotions are feeding it. We allowed you in, not to bring us destruction but help!”
“If you don't want me here, then I'll fucking leave! How can you accuse me of causing a storm?” I scream back in rage, rising to my feet, my gaze narrowing.
Bukasvad in-between us. “Please Claire, this is not helping her or any of us.”
“If she won't stop it then I'll have to put her in a coma.” she spits out.
“I'd like to see you try.” I say, stepping out from Bukasvad's back, my fury blinding me of the danger I'm putting myself into.
I barely catch the flick of her hand when she throws the black smokey magic ball at me.
But Bukasvad is swift enough to stand again in-between. But the hit knocks him off the ground, his hip smashing the hard floor.
My hands move before I can think as power rushes painfully through my veins
An invisible force bursts out of me, slamming into the witch and throwing her across the courtyard. She hits the ground hard, the wet splash loud under the rain.
Everything goes quiet.
Even the rain seems to slow.
My chest rises and falls quickly as I stare at Claire who is immediately helped up by maids and servants.
For the second time, I've hit someone with a power I don't understand, but this time, I don't regret it.
The people gathered at the doorway stare at me in horror and something that looks like fear.
But even as Bukasvad gets up, I spot the young teenagers from earlier. And like most people, their eyes are wide, but they do not look afraid. They look… amazed.