Chapter 128 Part 128
Asher
“Don’t you think you’ve punished yourself enough?” Thomas asked.
“I’m not punishing myself, Pops.”
“You’re moping around here, yelling at the ranch hands like everything’s their fault,” he said.
They were sitting on the porch, watching the sun set. Blair sat to one side, and he chuckled. They’d had a similar conversation a week earlier and Asher grinned.
“She has a book signing on Saturday,” Asher said.
“Where?” Blair asked.
“Minneapolis. That’s where she lives now.”
Thomas shook his head. “You’re going, right?”
“Yeah, Pops, I’m going. There are some things I need to tell her. I need to apologize to her, as well.”
“She might not feel the same way about you,” Blair said.
“This isn’t about feelings, not really. I have to do this for me. Seven months is a long time. I’d be surprised if she hadn’t moved on. I need to find closure, and make things right with her.”
“Yeah, you do. Waking her up and telling her to pack her stuff and leave with your friend was the cowardly thing to do.” Thomas’ voice was gruff, and Asher could hear the disappointment in his father’s tone.
“I know, Pops. It’s like a sign because I couldn’t find her before now, but now I know exactly where she’ll be on Saturday,” he said.
“Did you really forgive her, or is this because you miss her more than you are angry at her?”
Asher turned his head and looked at his brother. “I have forgiven her. For me to break free from my past, I need to tell her that. She needs to know that I never hated her. That journal…it’s rough. For my own sanity, I need to know that she doesn’t hate me either.”
“Asher, you make yourself out to be some kind of bad person, make it sound like you’re a criminal. Why would she hate you? What you did was survival, nothing else.”
“I know, but I didn’t always feel that way. I pushed her away before she could hate me or fear me, and be disgusted by my past. I don’t know, Blair, I pushed her away before anything could happen.”
“Let me get this straight,” Colt said, from behind them. They all turned their heads to look at him leaning against the doorframe. “You moped around for seven months, forgave her for reading some journal that’s a secret, and now you think the time is right to tell her you messed up?”
Asher smiled sadly. “I don’t think I messed up. I still think our relationship wouldn’t have worked out, but closure about everything that happened is necessary.”
“I’d kick your ass if I were her,” Colt said.
“Maybe she still will,” Blair said, with a grin.
“She told me she loved me.”
“When?” Thomas asked.
“Right before she left,” Asher answered.
“What did you say?” Colt asked him.
“That I loved her, too.”
“You’re an idiot,” Colt said, and stepped onto the porch. “You might be the eldest child, but you’re the biggest idiot of us all.”
“I’m not being an idiot. Emerson’s sensitive, underneath all the sarcasm and humor, she’s sensitive. That’s why I have to tell her, no other reason.”
Blair huffed out a laugh, and shook his head again. “She loved you, Asher, there’s a big chance that she still loves you. People don’t just forget love because the relationship is over.”
“Now you’re the positive one?” Colt asked. “That’s my job.”
“You should all shut up and leave Asher to do what he thinks is right. This is the right thing to do and I, for one, am glad that he finally got his head out of his ass.”
“Thanks, Pops…I think.”
“Women like the whole big gesture thing. Just walk in, sweep her off her feet, and kiss her. She won’t kick your ass then,” Colt said.
“No wonder you’re still single,” Blair commented. “If she’s moved on she definitely will kick his ass for kissing her.”
“I’m just going to ask her if we can talk, then I’ll tell her everything,” Asher said.
On Saturday, Asher stood at the car rental agency and rented a truck. His duffel bag went on the back seat and he powered the GPS on. His flight had been delayed and the book signing was going to start at any minute.
He felt nervous, but the prospect of seeing her again filled him with hope and excitement. Even if she didn’t love him anymore, he still needed to tell her that he was wrong, that he’d made a mistake. She needed to know that he’d been hurt, but that he didn’t hate her.
He followed the directions of the GPS, and an hour later, he parked in front of the quaint little bookstore. He sat there for a minute or two, gathering his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he should stand in line and wait his turn, or just wait for her to finish.
With his resolve firmly in place, he got out of the truck, and walked to the bookstore. The clear glass held displays of children’s books, and Emerson’s book was right there, staring at him.
A little deeper in the store, Emerson sat behind a table with a long line of people waiting for her to sign their books. Her hair was lighter now, back to her original color. It was longer, too. He couldn’t look away, and he had no idea how long he stood outside that store.
He took a deep breath when she stood up and he blinked. She was pregnant. His heart raced as he watched the man that put his hand on her elbow and kissed her cheek. He was too late. She really had moved on. She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. She looked happy, and her smile softened as her hand went to her stomach.
Asher lowered his gaze to the sidewalk in front of him. It didn’t matter what he said to her now. She was happy. He shook his head, and turned away from the window, and walked back to the truck.
His heart was filled with pain, but he clenched his jaw to keep the emotion from surfacing. She was going to be a mother, and she was happy. He wasn’t going to ruin that by bringing up the past.
With one last glance in the direction of the bookstore, Asher started the truck, and drove away.