Chapter 15

Supper and the whole evening was agony for Maddoc. He watched Anwen constantly. He still could not believe what he had said and done to her. If any man had treated her as he had, Maddoc would have banished him from his kingdom. There was no one else he could hold accountable at the moment. He was the one who had hurt her. She had already been through so much, and instead of comforting her, he had blamed her for the whole thing.

After sitting down in the back of the large parlor after supper, Maddoc looked over to where Lachlan sat with Princess Gwendolyn. He wanted nothing more than to go over and throw the man out of his palace that instant. All day he had thought to find Lachlan and make him pay for what he had done, but Prince Rillian had stopped him. He reminded Maddoc that he needed to take care of things with Anwen and hear her thoughts before he acted out of anger again.

“So, what have you done, my king?” asked Elias as he sat down next to Maddoc handing him a glass of wine.

Maddoc took the glass. “Did Anwen not tell you on your little outing today?” He took a long drink.

“No. She said I had to ask you. It is something awful, isn’t it? She looks tired and sad, and you look pitiful.”

Maddoc took another drink. “Do you know what happened to her yesterday?”

“I know that smug fiend over there took advantage of her,” said Elias as he pointed his glass towards Lachlan. “Why is he still here? I figured you would have tossed him out or worse by now.”

“I want nothing more than to get my hands on him,” said Maddoc. “But there is something else I need to attend to first. As much as he hurt her, I am afraid it is I who is responsible for her present troubles.”

“Let me be the judge of that. I am sure whatever it is, is not as bad as you say. Tell me what you have done.”

Maddoc finished his wine and took a deep breath. “You know what I am like when I am angry, Elias. Can you imagine how angry I was when I heard what Lachlan had done to Anwen?”

“It is a wonder he is still alive,” said Elias.

“He might not be had I come across him at the first of my rage. Unfortunately, I met someone else directly after Rillian told me what had happened. Someone who definitely did not deserve my rage but received it all the same.”

Elias sighed. “What did you say to her?”

“I grabbed her and demanded to know if she was alone with Lachlan. I blamed her for not being careful enough. I essentially made it sound as if it was her fault she was so taken advantage of.”

Elias groaned. “What possessed you to say such a thing to her? Even if you were angry, why direct your wrath at her?”

“I can’t excuse it or explain it, Elias. I was so angry, I felt as though I couldn’t control myself. I was grabbing her and yelling at her before I even realized it. Prince Rillian and Mrs. Owens calmed me down, but it was too late. I treated her like a beast, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she chose to leave at first light tomorrow.”

“You might deserve it, but I don’t think she will leave you. She is still here now. What have you done to try to make amends?”

“I have apologized, but what good does it do? I can never take back what I said or how I reacted. I’ll never forget the fear in her eyes when I realized what I had done. She fled from me directly. How can she ever forgive me for it? I should have comforted her. Instead, I manhandled her and blamed her for that evil man’s actions.”

Elias shook his head before looking over towards Princess Anwen. “You are a fortunate man, my king.”

Maddoc looked at his friend with confusion. “How can you say that after what has happened?”

“You have gained the love of a woman who will see past what you have done. I doubt she holds much anger for you even now. I can see her gaze over here constantly, and her look is not one of anger or even hurt. It is longing.” Elias finished his wine. “She may be too good for you, but the fact is she loves you enough to get past this. Do what you need to do to make amends, though I doubt it will be as much as you deserve. Then endeavor to not hurt her again. I must say, your majesty, that if I had seen you act in such a way towards such a good woman, you would have more injuries than just hurt feelings.”

Maddoc smiled a little at Elias. “You still think you can get the upper hand on me in a fight? I think you have forgotten our scruffles in the past.”

Elias stood up. “I have not forgotten them. I just know you. You would have let me have gotten in a punch or two because you know you deserved them.” Elias looked down at him. “Do not worry, my king. All will be well. Give it time, and when she allows it, speak truth to her. She will forgive you, and you will learn a valuable lesson.”

“I hope you are right, my lord.”

“Who is forgetting the past now? You know I am right more than you like to admit.”

Maddoc chuckled as Elias walked off. He looked back to Anwen to see her give a small smile to Prince Rillian as they sat together on a sofa by one of the fireplaces. She said something to him, and he picked up her hand and kissed it, keeping a hold of it as they talked. Maddoc felt a flare of jealously run through him. It was not due to any fear Prince Rillian would try anything with Anwen. He trusted the man, and he trusted Anwen more. He was jealous because he wanted to be sitting next to her trying to make her smile. He wanted to hold her hand and kiss it periodically.

Instead, all Maddoc could do was sit in a chair at the back of the room and try to avoid much notice. He thought of going to bed, but he couldn’t bear to leave with Anwen still downstairs. He felt a need to keep watch over her and protect her. He had left her alone, and she had been hurt in his palace. He would let nothing else happen to her.

“You seem down this evening, your majesty,” said Maddoc’s uncle as he sat down in a chair next to him with a glass of wine.

“I am only still tired from my trip,” replied Maddoc.

The prince gave one short laugh before taking a drink of wine. “I think it is more than that. I see how Princess Anwen has kept her distance from you. I believe she is finally seeing that a future with you is not possible. I always thought she would realize it before you. She is much cleverer than you are.”

“You know nothing of my future with Anwen, uncle. Your words will not convince me to give her up.”

“What about her words and actions? She is showing you it will not work by keeping her distance from you. You would do best to let her go now and work to secure your betrothal to Princess Meira. She is being much too flirtatious with some of our young lords.”

“She can do whatever with whomever she likes. She will not be my bride. If I cannot have Anwen, I will have no one.”

“Spoken like the young fool you are, Maddoc. This crazy idea of love you have gotten in your head will do you no favors. Power and connections are what you need to focus on. Your connection with Parvilia will do much for spreading our influence. One of your sons could be the next King of Parvilia. Think of it, Maddoc. Our family could rule two powerful kingdoms. If I am successful with Princess Anwen, we could in essence have three.”

Maddoc closed his eyes and shook his head. “I care not for power or influence. Parvilia needs a king who knows their land and people. As for you and Anwen, it will never be. Even if it came to where she would not have me, I know you would have no chance with her.”

“You are so sure, are you?” His uncle stood up. “Maybe I know better than you, Maddoc. Unlike you, I have not been distracted. I have been playing the game you refuse to play, and I am winning. Soon, you will see what an idiot you have been. Even though you don’t deserve it, I will fix it for you, and all will be as it should.”

“Go away, uncle. I have no wish to hear your evil delusions. Go bask in Prince Roslyn’s smiles as you seem to like to do. Do not think of approaching Princess Anwen, because I am in the mood to do something rather reckless.”

His uncle laughed and shook his head as he walked off.

Anwen finally stood up and wished Prince Rillian and those around her a good night. She glanced at Maddoc before she walked out of the room. He wasted no time. He stood up, not caring if it was obvious he had been waiting for her. He was almost to the doorway of the room when he was cut off by Princess Meira.

“You aren’t leaving, are you? I’m dreadfully bored and hoped you would entertain me,” said Princess Meira as she walked up to him.

“I was planning on going to bed. I am still tired from my journey and hoped to be asleep soon. Besides, you did not look bored. You seemed well entertained most of the night.”

“Oh, there are a few here that are a nice distraction, but that is all they are. They became old very quickly, and I want something more substantial,” she said coquettishly as she touched Maddoc’s arm.

Maddoc took a step back. “You should keep finding new young men to speak with then, or perhaps spend time with your friend, Princess Gwendolyn. She seems rather low.”

Princess Meira laughed a little. “She is in a terrible mood and has spent her night berating Lachlan for his activities last night. I’m sure you heard of them.”

“Only because you have told everyone you have spoken with,” said Maddoc angrily. “Princess Meira, I ask that you quit speaking of what you do not know. I am hoping you do not know what really happened, or you would have done something about it. I will be generous and assume you did not see a woman in obvious distress and not help her. If I find out for sure you did, I will ask you and your whole court to leave immediately. Now, I have no more to say to you tonight, and I have more important matters to attend to.”

He turned, leaving her staring after him, not caring what she had planned to say to him in return. He went straight to his room and dismissed Evan, saying he would see to all his own needs. He paced his room for a bit and drank a glass of wine, giving Anwen time to change if she liked and dismiss Mrs. Owens. When he could wait no longer, he grabbed a candle and pushed open the wall, hurrying through to Anwen’s room.

He walked into her bedroom to find it empty. Moving into the front room, he found her sitting in a chair in front of the fire, sipping a cup of wine. She looked breathtakingly lovely in a white nightgown and robe. Her wavy golden hair was down and fell all around her. Her beautiful honey-colored eyes reflected the light from the fire, making them glow. Maddoc walked over silently and sat down next to her in a chair.

She turned and looked at him. He could see she had been crying again, and it made his heart clench. He wanted so much to take her into his arms. He wanted to pick her up and take her to his bed and just hold her.

“Would you like some wine?” she asked.

“No, I just had some.”

She finished her cup and put it down. “I’m not sure where to start.”

“Let me then,” he said as he reached for her hand. She let him take it. “Anwen, I cannot believe how I acted this morning. I have no excuse. I can only say I was so angry I wasn’t thinking straight. The idea that Lachlan hurt you incensed me. I might have killed him if I had come across him. I did not mean those things I said. It is not your fault. I know it is not.”

She shook her head a little. “I was being careless. I tried to watch out for my surroundings while you were gone as I always do, but I had a terrible day yesterday. My mother was not feeling well, and I don’t believe she has been for some time. I was worried about you traveling in the snow.

“Princess Meira had a conversation with me in which she accused me of sharing my favors with several men. I can’t imagine what she has been saying about me to your court and beyond. Then when I tried to go to bed, Prince Korben approached me. He talked about a future he wanted to share with me. He was so close and intimate with his touches that it unnerved me.” She looked down and wiped a tear from her eye before looking up at Maddoc.

“All I wanted was you. I just wished you were there to hold me and speak with me, but I knew you were still gone. I wanted to just lay down and try to sleep, hoping you would come the next day. The only thing in my head was getting to my room and thinking about you. I didn’t think Lachlan would drag me into a dark room.”

She gripped Maddoc’s hand, and he rubbed it soothingly.

“He said he wouldn’t let me leave until he explained to me why he had abandoned me for Gwendolyn. I thought I might as well let him get it over with.” She paused and let go of Maddoc’s hand. She poured another cup of wine, taking a long drink. “He told me he went to some party at his cousins. He spent nights gambling and sleeping with different women. He thought he would have some fun before he had to settle down with me.” She finished her wine and put down her cup.

“I suppose a life with me sounded rather torturous to him. He had to have his fun while he could,” she said bitterly. “At least he won’t have to face it now. My cousin somehow knew what he was up to. I think she probably used her Gift of clairvoyance. She went to the party and made sure he drank plenty. He got further into debt and bedded her. She agreed to pay his debts and keep his scandalous ways a secret if he would marry her.

“He told me he loved me but couldn’t face telling me the truth. So instead of asking for my forgiveness and help, he decided to pledge himself to Gwendolyn without telling me why.” She gave a small laugh. “For so many months I wondered what I had done wrong. I thought of myself as less than my cousin. Of course, a man like Lachlan would want beautiful, perfect Gwendolyn over stunted, damaged me. Had I known the truth, I wouldn’t have lamented his leaving me for so long.”

“You never should have regretted him,” said Maddoc. “Any man that would choose a woman like Gwendolyn over you must have something wrong with him.”

“He tried to tell me he still loved me. He wants to leave Gwendolyn and be with me. I told him it was impossible. I may have loved him once, but it was long gone. Even if my heart wasn’t full of you, I could never trust Lachlan again.

“He would not listen to me. I tried to run from the room, but he caught me in the hallway. He threw me against the wall and forced himself on me.” She took a deep breath as more tears came out of her eyes. “He kissed me and touched me. I could not take it. I don’t know how far he would have gone. I believe he was drunk, and I didn’t want to find out. I did everything I could to get out of his embrace, including hurting his manhood. Perhaps, I should feel bad, but I don’t. Prince Rillian came running, but Lachlan was already on the ground.

“I came to my room, and I didn’t know what to do. Once again, I just wanted you. I don’t even remember going to your bed. I suppose I just wanted to be as close to you as I could. I wanted to be surrounded by your things and your scent.”

Maddoc closed his eyes and bowed his head. All she went through the day before, and he had treated her so terribly. Not only Lachlan’s actions but Princess Meira’s cruel words and his uncle's unwanted attentions. It was a wonder she hadn’t fled from his palace and his life.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. Leaning forward he reached up and wiped a tear away with his thumb. “I cannot believe what I have done to you. When I heard what happened, I focused on the wrong things. Instead of my anger, I should have worried about the hurt and pain you went through. I’ve known since we met that I don’t deserve you, Anwen. This just proves it. If you wish to leave, I will not stop you, though I believe it might break me.”

“You are very strong, Maddoc, and you would make it through. I have considered leaving, not just for me, but for you as well. After I realized what Princess Meira has been saying about me, doubt entered my mind about being your queen. Then today as I tried to help those who were sick, I encountered so much distrust from people of your court and other kingdoms, that I don’t see how it can work.

“I do love you, Maddoc. I am not even angry with you. I am a little hurt, but I know that will pass. I just can’t do something to make your life any harder, and if I am your queen, I can’t imagine how you can have a successful reign.”

“And I cannot imagine how I can do anything without you by my side.” He grabbed her hand again. “Anwen, you promised me. You told me you would be my wife. If you still love me, you cannot leave me.”

“I do love you, Maddoc. I love you too much to ruin your life and kingdom.”

“I won’t accept this. This is what Princess Meira and my uncle want. They want to drive us apart and make you doubt. Don’t let them. Please, Anwen, don’t decide this tonight.”

“If I don’t leave soon, I will never be able to. It will break my heart to leave you.”

Maddoc felt his own tears threatening to fall. He had to convince her somehow. “You are tired and still upset with all that has happened. I know you are still angry with me no matter what you say, and you should be. You are worried about your mother. Do not make this decision tonight. Give me more time to show you. You were sure before. You can overcome your doubt again. There has to be a way.”

She reached over and put her hand on his cheek. “I want there to be a way.”

“Then let me show you one, or even better we can find it together. Do not give up on us, not now.” He swallowed. “I believe the situation in the south of the kingdom is improving. Parvilia will not turn on us as it will hurt them more than Calumbria. We can deal with a few angry lords. We have Elias on our side, and I know other lords who will support us. I have thought over this for many hours. Please, Anwen, just wait a few more days.” He put his hand on hers that was on his cheek. “Please, do not leave me.”

He knew he sounded pathetic, but he didn’t care. He wanted to let her see how lost he would be without her. He needed her to know how essential she was to him. There was silence for a moment as neither one of them moved. Anwen looked as though she was considering things in her head. Maddoc was terrified of what she would do. If she told him she could not do it, he did not know how he would react. He might fall on his knees and beg her. He might give up his kingdom and follow her to Lucidala.

She stared at him as she kept her hand on his cheek. She rubbed it lightly. “You almost have a short beard again,” she said quietly. “I think I prefer it when you have a beard.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. Maddoc pulled her off her chair and to him. He whispered her name against her lips before kissing her again, burying his hand in her hair. This was what he needed. He needed her. His kingdom could fall, he could lose his crown, but it would mean little to him as long as he still had her.

She pulled back and leaned her head against his chest as she fully crawled into his lap. He put his arms around her and held her close.

“I did miss you,” she said quietly. “As much as I try to believe I can leave you if it is best for you, I don’t know how I could really bear it. When I am not close to you, I feel as though every part of me is searching for you.”

“I know I had to go to see to my kingdom’s business, but every mile I rode away from you felt wrong. Please do not talk to me about your leaving and thinking it is best for me. I will not give up on us, Anwen, not as long as I know you love me.” He looked down at her. “I would give my title up for you. I would let my uncle have it as he obviously has always wanted it. I could come to Lucidala and help you rule.”

“And if I thought it would truly help, I would leave Lucidala forever and do what I could to support you here, but we both know we cannot abandon our kingdoms or people. If you leave the crown to your uncle, you know how that will go. Just as if I let Gwendolyn be queen someday, I know how my people might suffer.”

“I will not lose you. Nothing is worth being without you. You may have your doubts tonight, but we will find a way through them.” He leaned down and kissed her softly.

She smiled a little at him before yawning.

“You are exhausted. Let me take you to bed so you can rest. If you prefer to stay in here, I will try to let you be, though I can’t promise I won’t stay in a chair close by,” said Maddoc before kissing her forehead.

“I want to sleep in your arms. I slept terribly without you. Even last night, my sleep was disturbed with bad dreams and dread. I don’t want to be without you tonight.”

He stood up with effort, bringing her up with him in his arms. “You never have to truly be without me, Anwen. Even when I am away from you, a big part of me stays behind with you. I think you hold my heart in your hands. If you do not keep it, I am afraid it will be lost.”

She leaned against him as he walked to the wall in her bedroom. “I will never let you lose your way if you promise to help me find mine.”

“We will find the way for us together, my love.”